Why Aren't You Scared of Me?
by FlowerChickie
Summary: This story follows teenagers Kylo (Ren), Hux & Phasma as they study under Snoke to become future leaders of the First Order, an army that will one day rule the Galaxies. Can Ren's training help him become the ruthless leader he needs to be? Or will the unexpected bond he forms with little Rey (Rita) hold him back and be his undoing? Cover Art by Jenny Dolfen, www. goldenseven .de
1. Grand Master Snoke

_Author's Note: Hello everyone and welcome to my new Kylo and Rey story! :D_ ** _This story is in Kylo's Point Of View_** _and is not a typical 'romance' but more so about strong attachments in their various forms. I hope you have as much fun (and drama) reading it as I did writing it! Here we go..._

"Today's test," Master Snoke says, "is to bring me the heart of a forest animal."

I frown. Each day the tests have been getting harder. Yesterday's was to make somebody cry. I don't like making people cry, since it reminds me of when I was little and I would hurt people with my Force powers all the time when I didn't mean to.

Brendol Hux stands beside me, by far the most ruthless student in our First Order training program. He accomplished the task on his way out of Master Snoke's study yesterday. He told one of the child boarders staying at the school for the summer that her parents died in a spacecraft malfunction on their way out of the planet's atmosphere. She ran away crying and calling for her grandfather.

I glance over at him. He has this stupid grin on his face and I imagine he's planning the most gruesome way to get the heart of an animal. All the tasks so far have been easy for him. Nothing makes him feel bad.

"Go ahead then," Grand Master says, dismissing us. Hux turns and walks briskly out of the study, as though eager to get started. I'm not as fast and get stopped at the door.

"Ren," Grand Master says.

"Yes, Your Supreme Leadership?"

"Come and have a seat. I wanted to tell you this in private."

I walk back into the study and sit down, my heart pounding.

"Brendol isn't ready to hear of this yet. He believes he is my favourite student," Grand Master says. "And I admit that I do find his enthusiasm... praiseworthy. But he is not Force sensitive and doesn't possess any real power."

I nod, not sure what to say.

"Our new army, the First Order, will be all powerful. You and Hux will rule the galaxy together, and you will be the leader."

I sit completely still. Did he say I would be the leader? I'm two years younger than everyone else in the program. Grand Master has always believed in me, when no one else did and when even my uncle Luke was beginning to give up on me. But Master Snoke told me he'd foreseen it, that I would become great and powerful if I joined him in building up the new First Order.

"You have your grandfather's strength and Force sensitivity within you," Grand Master continues. "I will help you use it and you will become the most feared and most powerful ruler in the galaxy, like your grandfather was."

My chest fills and it's hard to breathe. I can't reply even if I wanted to.

"Your uncle has taught you well," Grand Master nods and I frown. Uncle Luke only held me back, always telling me to repress my emotions. But Grand Master encourages anger and rage and that has made me less angry somehow, and more focused. "What are his thoughts on your returning to summer training?" Grand Master asks.

I shift in my seat. "I haven't told him, Your Leadership."

"Good. And he will be proud of your progress when he returns to find you stronger, the true leader that you were meant to be."

I hold back a smile. I don't want to seem too eager for praise, which would be unfitting for a future Jedi Master.

"I have high hopes for you my boy," Grand Master continues. "You will become a powerful Sith Lord, the Lord of the Knights of Ren."

"Pardon me, Your Leadership?"

"All in good time." Grand Master nods slowly, his eyes never leaving me. "Stay focused on your daily tasks and tonight you must not sleep."

My chest deflates. "Am I being punished?"

"For asking me that, you will be, once I think of a suitable punishment."

My shoulders slump but I don't reply.

"It's to help you master your body and have greater self-control. In battle you don't sleep, for days, or even weeks, until there is victory. One night should be simple enough, even for you."

I nod. It's anything but simple, especially with how I feel the day after I get no sleep. For some reason Hux never has to do any of the self-mastery disciplines. Maybe Grand Master thinks he's already good at self-discipline. But I know there's nothing further from the truth. Hux lies and cheats and has no control over his temper or anything else that has to do with his emotions or desires. I shiver at the last thought.

"You must find your darkest emotions to truly become a Sith Lord," Grand Master says, watching me. "And I believe you will."

"Thank you, Your Supreme Leadership."

"Very well then, go on." He dismisses me with a small wave of his hand and I get up immediately, my head still spinning with all that he's told me. Now I have to go get the heart of a forest animal. I can't disappoint Grand Master.


	2. The Little Girl In The Forest

I look up through the trees at the white clouds in the sky. For a moment I wish that I could fly, fly away from the daily tests and from Hux, from Phasma the only girl on our summer training team. She always leans over the lunch table in front of me so I'll notice her breasts. I try not to look but I always do and I hate it. I'm not supposed to like girls or anyone in that way, I'm not supposed to think about those kinds of things. Master Snoke says those things are for the weak and ungifted, that Sith Lords don't allow such things into their minds or lives to distract them.

The wind rustles the leaves and I shiver. I came out here to find an animal but they all seem to be hiding, like they know I want their hearts.

"I can do all things through the Force which strengthens me." I whisper the mantra Uncle Luke taught me as I walk through the trees. I can't tell if it actually helps to use the mantras but it's become a habit now. Uncle Luke taught me the ancient Jedi Mantras to help me become more self-disciplined, but nothing worked, until I started training with Master Snoke. I have to tell Grand Master when I fall to the weak side, to my temptations. If I don't, he'll find out anyway because he reads my mind when he thinks I'm hiding something. I know it's the best way for me to stay loyal to his training but it's still embarrassing. He hasn't made me do a confession in over a week now. I guess I've gotten better at hiding my guilt.

A sound catches my attention and I stop walking to listen. It's coming from my left and sounds like a child crying. I head in that direction and see a little girl through the trees. She's kneeling in the dirt, mud on her light coloured clothes. She's the same girl Hux made cry yesterday. She's holding something in her hands.

The leaves crunch beneath my boots and she looks over to me, her eyes wide and full of tears. I'm not supposed to talk to anyone outside of our summer training group, not even my mom on the comm unit, not until the training is over. But I can't help but be curious what she's holding. I can add this to the list of all that I'm going to be in trouble for anyway when I get called on for confession.

"She fell out of her nest," the little girl says. Her voice has a sweet child-like sound that I'm not used to hearing.

"Can I see?" I ask. She gets up and walks to me. I step back, thinking she might accidentally touch me. I'm not allowed to touch anyone and when I do Master Snoke seems to know instantly and I get punished. He says it will spoil my training. But he never seems to notice that Hux pushes me and bugs me all the time, because he's Grand Master's favourite student. Except now I am, since he said I'd be the Lord of the Knights of Ren. Ren's the new name I was given when I started training with Grand Master. And now everyone calls me Ren.

"She's still alive!" The little girl holds up her hands to me and I see a tiny baby bird. I pick it up, careful not to touch her fingers as I do. The baby bird's tiny heartbeat flutters in my palm.

"My name's Rey Rita Gowron," the girl says. "My grandfather calls me Rita when I'm here."

I watch the bird struggle in my hand and don't respond.

"How old are you?" the little girl asks.

"Fifteen."

"I'm five." Rita holds up her palm and spreads out five chubby fingers to show me the number.

"Oh, I thought you were like... three."

"I'm not three!" she yells, her high pitched squeal making me jump. I step back.

"I'm not supposed to be talking to you," I say, wrapping my fingers around the baby bird. I have what I came for and I should head back, before someone finds me talking to this five year old.

"I'm turning six soon you know," she says, clasping her hands behind her back and standing up on her toes. I nod and start to walk away.

"Wait!" she runs after me and grabs my cloak. "We have to put the baby bird back in its nest." She points up into the tree. I look up too but I don't see the nest.

"I'm taking the bird," I say. There's no point in letting her think I could be her friend or something. Usually kids are scared of me, like they can sense that I'm dangerous, but Rita seems different.

"Why?" she demands, putting her hands on her hips.

"Because I have to take my Master the heart of a forest animal." I look down at her round little face, expecting her eyes to go wide with fear at what I've said. But she only nods, as though she's thinking.

"Okay," she says. "The baby bird has a heart. I could feel it in my hands." She crosses her arms. "But you have to bring her back when you're done and climb in the tree and put her back with her brothers and sisters after." She purses her lips and tears fill her eyes. "You have to promise or give her back to me right now!"

"I promise," I say.

"Okay. But she'll miss her brothers and sisters. She'll be scared."

"She won't be scared. She's resting, see." I open my palm to show her then quickly close it again. "My hand is like a nest. She likes it."

Rita nods and wipes her eyes. "Okay. I have to go back to grandfather, but can I come play with you after lunch?"

"No," I say.

Rita's face turns red and my chest tightens. I've never met anyone so emotional. Maybe if I lie to her she'll go away.

"I'll come find you after I put the baby bird back and then we can... play."

She smiles. "Okay. What's your name?"

I almost say Ben but stop myself. "It's Ren."

"Bye Ren." Rita runs off through the trees, like a little bird herself, her light frame moving fast. I'm tall and lanky and not a very good runner. I watch her go, wondering if she actually knows the way out of the forest, or if she'll just get lost deeper in it. Should I follow her? The forest is scary at night and lots of people have seen ghosts wandering here, of dead Jedi Lords and Masters.

I open my palm and look down at the baby bird, Rita's words still running through my head, _she'll miss her brothers and sisters._ The bird's tiny heart still beats. I want it to live and I want to return it to the nest, but I won't.

I sigh, closing my hand again, then hurry back to the school.


	3. Failure

I walk into Master Snoke's study and Hux is already there. The other kids that are in the summer training for future commanders and leaders of the First Order aren't part of our personal training with Snoke, so they don't do the daily tests we do.

I stop at the door, wondering if I should just wait until Hux leaves. I hate him. He always says something to make me look bad in front of Master Snoke, and sometimes makes stuff up, but I sound stupid when I say it's not true, like I'm the one who's lying and trying to cover it up.

"Ren," Grand Master says from inside the study. I freeze. "I know you're out there. Come and join us."

I step inside, the baby bird sweating in my hand. Hux has a stupid smirk on his face and his hands are all red with blood.

"Nothing to show for yourself?" he says. "As usual."

I ignore him and walk to Master Snoke's large wooden desk and set the bird down. It moves but has lost most of its energy now, like a fish running out of air.

Master Snoke looks down and I can tell he's disappointed, even though he doesn't get angry. I take a deep breath.

"I asked for the heart my dear boy, not the entire animal."

I don't answer and Grand Master looks up at me. "You know all of these... creatures, are for our use, do you not?" he says. "They exist to help further a greater purpose, our purposes. Today it is for the purpose of your training, that this bird will be killed." He studies me a moment. "Do you feel sorry for the bird Ren?" he asks.

"No, Your Leadership."

"Then perhaps Brendol could bring us a knife?"

My breath catches but I don't say anything. The bird moves again, trying to get up from its side but unable to. I close my eyes. I hate the little girl for making me promise to take it back. I'll tell her tomorrow that I killed the bird, and I'll make her cry like Hux did. Then she'll leave me alone and not ask me to play with her anymore.

I hear Hux's hurried footsteps approaching from the hall and open my eyes. How did he find a knife so quick? He's breathing fast when he walks in. Did he run? There's an evil grin on his face that makes my stomach turn. He holds out a large kitchen knife to me. I take it and look at Master Snoke. He nods slowly.

"Don't be afraid, go ahead," he says, putting his palms out. "The bird may be innocent but sometimes we have to kill the innocent so as to show those in power that we are serious about our purpose and will use any means to achieve it. You will not be able to save the lives of many if you cannot end a few lives when needed. Go on. The bird's sacrifice is your growth in the powers of the Force."

He's right. My grandfather killed many so that he could become ruler and bring order to the galaxy. This is just a stupid little bird. I clutch the knife handle, turning it in my hand. The bird is still alive. Why couldn't it have just died already, like a fish?

Suddenly Hux grabs the knife out of my hand and slams the blade down over the baby bird's neck. "You lose," he whispers to me, then reaches in front of me for the bird. I turn away, unable to watch. I know what I should do. I should push Hux away and do it myself and get the heart, but I can't. I've failed again.

"You've failed again," Master Snoke says, echoing my thoughts.

I turn to face him. "And for that I know I will be punished," I say. It's the response I'm supposed to give if Grand Master says I've failed. I used to try and explain why I failed, but it doesn't matter and I know Grand Master approves more of this simple response than anything else.

"For your punishment, you will stay out in the forest for the entire night. You must not sleep or even sit down, but wander deep into the forest and think about all the life around you, the life that is there to serve you, to serve all of us, feeding us and giving us air. We do not serve the creatures and plants, they serve us."

"Yes, Your Leadership," I say.

"You may both leave now."

Hux and I bow then walk out. I brace myself for Hux's ridicule once we're in the hall, about what a failure I am. But he doesn't say anything and hurries ahead of me. He's either in a really good mood or has something bad planned for me later. I look down at my cloak. There's a few spots of blood on it from the bird. Master Snoke is right. I am a failure.


	4. Hux

The full moons shine down through the trees of the forest, creating ghostly shadows all around. My breath puffs out into the cold air and I pull my hood over my head to keep the chill away. I've spent the night roaming the forest before, as punishment. The first time was the worst and I had nightmares for weeks. But I never saw any ghosts, although I thought I heard them, and now I think I hear them again.

"I can do all things through the Force, which strengthens me," I whisper, my words getting lost in a gust of wind. A tree branch moves like the arms of a giant, with gnarly fingers silhouetted against the starry sky. I walk faster. There's a clearing up ahead somewhere that is a little less dark.

The snapping of branches behind me makes me jump. I turn. It's dark in the trees where the sound came from. Probably just a forest animal. I keep going. My boots crunch the leaves and branches as I hurry to the forest's edge. The tall trees sway wildly overhead and the wind lifts the leaves all around me, making them rise around my feet.

Another branch snaps nearby. I stop walking to listen. There's silence for a moment then a dark shape jumps out at me and I scream, falling to the ground. Two hands hold me down and I know by his familiar grasp that it's Hux. An old splintered tree trunk stabs my side, sending pain shooting into my back.

"Get off of me!" I yell, my voice cracking. Hux pins my legs down with his bony knees and his hands push on my wrists making my fingers numb. His attack startled me and now my heart won't calm down now. "You're not supposed to touch me," I say.

"No, _you're_ not supposed to touch anyone, because Supreme Leader thinks you're so special. But I can touch whatever I want."

"Get off!"

"I'm the only one that's ever going to want to come anywhere near you. Phasma will never lay with you."

"I don't want her to," I say trying to push Hux off of me but he's strong and two years older than me, and I'm not allowed to use my Force powers or I'll be expelled from the program. The tree trunk digs further into my side and I clench my jaw in pain.

"We need each other Ren," he says, his face close to mine. "I'm all you'll ever have."

I turn my head to the side, my stomach clenching tight. "I don't need you. I'm going to be like the other Sith Lords who don't have to be close to anyone."

"Who said you could ever be a Sith Lord?"

"Nobody," I say quickly.

"Well you'll never be one, you're too much of a coward."

"Why don't _you_ go to Phasma?" I say. "She'll let you lay with her."

"She'll let anyone lay with her. I don't want Phasma. I'll get punished for unclean acts."

I don't respond and look out past the trees at the stars in the distance. One day I'll be all powerful and I'll have armies and weapons and battle starships at my command. But for now I have to deal with Hux. What can I say to make him go away? Why won't he just leave me alone?

"I already failed another test. Isn't that good enough for you?"

Hux seems to consider this for a moment. "You'll never make it through the training course," he snarls, climbing off of me. "Have fun in the forest."

I sit up slowly, my back aching from the fall. Hux is already gone into the dark woods and I'm alone again. /

"What happened to you?" Phasma says from the dining table as I walk by. I try not to limp, so I don't look even more pathetic than I already do. I hurt my ankle out in the forest, climbing on the rocks near the large river. I'm late reporting back to Master Snoke. After Hux's assault I walked as deep into the forest as I could. I didn't care about the ghosts or anything anymore. I dared them to come and destroy me. But they never did. I reached a wide river that I'd never seen before and stood in front of it a long time, watching the rushing water under the moonlight. It wasn't deep enough for me to drown in or I may have jumped. But I came back and now all I want to do is sleep.

"Where are you going?" Phasma calls after me. "Come and have breakfast with me."

I keep going to the next building at the end of the hall, where Snoke's office is. The sun shines through the long windows so bright that I feel like I'm walking in a dream, my mind hazy from lack of sleep.

Master Snoke isn't in his study when I get there and it makes me feel like crying. I'll be in trouble for coming in late, when he returns. But at least I completed my punishment without any excuses.

There's a movement near the door and I stand up straighter, thinking it's Master Snoke. I look and see the little blond girl Rita. She's got her hair in braids today and is wearing her beige pants and shirt with a towel wrapped around her neck, hanging down like a cape. She has bags under her eyes and looks as tired as I feel. She stops when she sees me.

"Did you fall out of the _tree?"_ she asks, her eyes going wide.

"What tree?" I blink, squinting to see her. She's standing in front of the hallway windows with the sun shining so brightly behind her that it hurts to look at her.

"When you took the baby bird back," she says.

I quickly glance at the wooden desk but it's cleaned off and the bird is gone. I sigh, looking back to Rita again. "If Master finds me talking to you I'll be in big trouble."

She nods then starts to walk away.

"Rita?" I say in a loud whisper.

"Yes?" she says in an even louder whisper, looking back into the room.

"Why are you wearing a towel around your neck?"

She narrows her eyes at me in an adorable angry glare. "It's my _cloak,_ " she growls, then stomps off loudly down the hall.

I hear other footsteps approaching and my heart speeds up. _Hurry Rita_. I can't afford any more mistakes. I'm starting to lose count of how many I will be punished for. What if Master Snoke regrets his decision to take me on as his personal apprentice? Hux says the only reason Grand Master tolerates me is because I'm the grandson of Darth Vader. But I know I have power, I've seen it hurt people when I used to get mad and had no control over my emotions.

Two elderly Jedi Masters walk by in the hall, their cloaks hiding their faces. My shoulders relax. I'll have to stand here and wait for as long as it takes Master Snoke to come back. It's my own fault I'm late.


	5. You Should Be Scared of Me

I light another candle. Tonight I'm allowed to sleep and I thought I'd be so glad to finally get to bed. But now I can't fall asleep. Every time I lay down I think of home and of Mom. I don't want to miss her, she's the one who sent me away in the first place. Then she asked me to come back once it was summer break but I told her I want to stay here. I don't hate her, like I hate Dad. But I wish she would have still loved me even though I was difficult, instead of just sent me away for someone else to deal with.

I walk to my bookshelf and take down the book on the Sith Code. Reading always helps me to fall asleep.

There's a light knock on my door and my stomach instantly tightens. Not Hux again.

I go to unlock the door. The hinges creek as I open it. At first I don't see anyone standing there, then I look down at a head of blond hair.

"Hi," Rita says in a small voice.

I frown. "Where did you come from?"

"Jakku." She sticks her chin up and gives me a defiant look.

I grin. "I wouldn't be so proud of that. Jakku is where all the crooks and bad aliens of the galaxy go to escape going to prison or paying their taxes."

"No it's not!"

"Shhh..." I kneel down to Rita's level. "You can't be here. I'll get in big trouble." She doesn't look too concerned about that. " _You'll_ get in big trouble," I say. She crosses her arms but doesn't move.

"Rita," I give her my most serious look. "I'm training to be a Sith Lord and I do evil things now. I've always done evil things like hurt people, even when I was two years old and would get mad. You should be scared of me."

Rita watches me but doesn't respond.

"I could hurt you or kill you," I say. She uncrosses her arms and her hand comes up and smacks my cheek. I blink in surprise. Did she just slap me? But her tiny palm stays against my face.

I take her hand away. "You can't touch me or I'll get into... or _you'll_ get really sick and die."

Her eyes go wide and she shoves her palm in my face again. "Is that why you have the red spots on your face? Because you have a disease? And you're going to die?"

"No!" I take her hand away again. "I don't have red spots. And don't touch my face, or my cloak, or come to my-"

Rita squishes my nose with her palm. "What about your nose? Can I touch your nose?"

"No." I push her hand away. "Kids are always scared of me. Why aren't you?"

"You're not scary."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"If I get mad I could kill you."

"No you won't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I can tell. Mom says it's my gift. I can tell when people are nice inside or not nice."

I stare at her for a moment. A sound in the hall makes my heart speed up. "You have to go."

"Can I stay here? I'm scared in my room."

"No."

"But I can't sleep."

"Then go in your room and stay awake there."

"Please? I want to stay here. I don't want to be alone."

"No Rita. It's against the rules."

"Everything is against the rules!' Rita says loudly.

"Shhh..." I reach out to clasp her by the shoulders but then stop myself. "You're right though," I say. "There's a lot of rules here."

"Why?"

A shadow moves in the torchlight down the hall. Someone is approaching. I hesitate a moment then quickly pull Rita in the room and close the door. I turn the handle all the way so it doesn't make a click sound when I shut the door.

"If you get me in trouble I'll..." I turn to find Rita pulling out my grandfather's burned helmet from under my bed. "Don't touch that!"

Rita jumps back, letting it go.

"It's mine. You can't just grab my stuff. It isn't yours!" I yell, pushing the helmet back under the bed. Rita backs up until she reaches the wall, then covers her face with her hands. I'm on my knees now, having tucked the helmet safely back under my bed, and I wait to see what she'll do next. Then the sobbing starts. I groan inwardly.

"I told you that you wouldn't want to hang out with me," I say, feeling bad but not wanting her to know that. "Just go back to your room."

"I'm sorry I touched your toy," she says, her voice muffled in her knees.

"It's not a toy."

She keeps crying. Now I am definitely tired and I just want to sleep. I sigh loudly. "Please just go. I want to sleep."

"I want to sleep too," she says lifting her head. Her face is streaked with tears and her eyes are puffy. "I can't sleep in my room, it's dark and scary and cold and I can't light the candles by myself." Her bottom lip quivers.

"Why do you cry so much?" I say, trying to sound angry.

"I don't know," she says, crying more, only this time she isn't covering her face and seeing her cry makes _me_ feel like crying. I go over to her and sit down beside her.

"Just... stop crying, okay?" I say.

She takes a few deep breaths and looks at me. "I just cry at night, because I always think of my mom and dad." She hiccups then continues. "In the daytime I can forget and go look at the plants or play with Mr. Rock... Oh no!" she screams her last words and I jump away from her. "Mr. Rock! I have to get Mr. Rock! He's going to be so scared! I forgot Mr. Rock!"

"Shhh..." I put my hand over her mouth to stop her from yelling but it covers her whole face and she giggles against my palm. I pull my hand away. "Can you stop _yelling?"_ I whisper.

She throws her skinny little arms around my neck and hugs me tighter than I would have ever imagined she could. " _Please_ can we go get Mr. Rock please, _please, please_ -"

I try to peel her off of me, but she's got a death grip on my neck.

"You can go back to you room."

"No it's too scary. Please go with me."

"If I say yes will you let go of me?" I ask.

She quickly releases me. "I'll show you the way. I know all the places in the school and I even drew a map. I'll show you my map! It's in my room."

"I'll walk you back to your room and you can be with Mr. Rock, okay?"

"And then will you stay too?"

I'm about to say no but then realize that the best thing to say would be yes, even though I'm not going to stay.

"Yes."

Rita's face lights up and she gets up off the floor. "Okay! Let's go!"


	6. Goodnight

Rita pulls her covers off her bed and lets them fall to the dusty stone floor. "Mr. Rock, Mr. Rock… where are you?"

I shut her door so no one will hear us. Her room is really small. There's a tiny bed and a bedside table and that's all. No book shelf or books or toys. The only light in the room is from the moonshine through the window. I see a candle holder on her night table but no way to light the candle.

"Rita, I'm going to go now," I say, my tiredness coming back.

"Just wait, I'll find him," she says.

I turn to leave.

"Found him!" Rita yells in victory.

"Okay. Have a good night." I turn the door handle and Rita hurries off her bed to get to me, tripping herself up in the sheets and landing on the hard floor. The thump of her head on the stone makes me cringe. There's a moment of silence and then she starts to cry, a tiny high pitched sound. I go to her and lift her up into my arms. She's lighter than my folded cloak when I carry it from the washing room. I sit down on the bed with her in my lap. "Are you okay?"

She shakes her head no.  
"Did you hit your head?"  
She shakes her head yes.  
"Can I see?"

Rita stops crying, her breath staggered as she lowers her hands from her head. Even in the moonshine I can see the dark bump that's forming there. She's breathing deeply now and her eyelids look heavy. She tries not to close them but they keep slipping down. She'll fall asleep soon.

"It doesn't look that bad. You'll be fine," I say.

She starts to say something in response but her words just drift off and her head starts to nod. She falls to the side and I stop with my hand before she topples onto the floor, then she falls the other way against my chest, her body becoming limp. Her small hand relaxes and the rock she was clutching falls to the floor.

I sigh, pulling her knees up so she doesn't slip off of my lap. She breathes softly against my shirt and I close my eyes, just feeling her warmth and listening to her gentle breathing sounds. It's so peaceful that I almost nod off too. I shake my head to wake myself then stand up and lay Rita down onto the bed. She keeps her body curled up and mumbles something as she snuggles up to the pillow.

I pick the blanket up off the floor and hug it for a moment to warm it up a little. Then I lay the blanket on her, bringing it up to her neck. My foot steps on something hard on the ground. I look down. It's her rock. I pick it up and put it in her tiny hand then wrap her fingers around it.

"Goodnight Rita," I whisper, pulling the blanket over her closed fist. Then I turn and leave, locking the door behind me.


	7. In Your Mind

"You've touched someone," Grand Master Snoke says. I stop mid bite of my bread and look up. Phasma gives me a funny look and Hux stares down at his plate. We're at the dining hall for breakfast and Master Snoke has come up to our table, something he's never done before.

My ears burn with embarrassment and I swallow hard. I felt different when I woke up this morning, like I was looking forward to the day. I should have known Master Snoke would have felt the change in me. But I don't want him to know that I held Rita in my arms. She'll probably get sent away or something and I'll get another punishment. I look at Hux who is still avoiding eye contact with both me and Grand Master.

"It was Hux," I say. Phasma watches me with a curious glance but I ignore her. "In the forest, the night before, he followed me and... attacked me."

Grand Master studies me. I hold my breath. If he reads my mind now then he'll know I'm not telling him the whole truth.

"And did that make you angry?" he asks me.

"Yes," I say automatically. But then I realize that it didn't really.

"Did you fight back?"

Phasma looks between me and Hux.

"No, Your Supreme Leadership," I say.

"I'd like to see you both in my study, after breakfast."

"Yes, Your Supreme Leadership," Hux and I both say.

Grand Master walks away and once he's at the door we all let out a sigh.

"Wow," Phasma says, biting into her bread. "I didn't know about you two."

"Shut up!" Hux says to her. He gets up from the table and leaves.

I can feel Phasma's eyes on me as I eat but I don't look at her. We're going to get another test this morning, I just know it. And it's probably going to be something I won't like. /

"What?" Hux says, not in his usual composed way, that he uses around Grand Master.

Master's eyebrows raise slightly at Hux's outburst. "Is there a problem with my request?"

Hux swallows and shakes his head. "No, Your Supreme Leadership."

"Then go ahead Ren," he says to me. I turn to Hux who has an angry look on his face. He's probably going to beat me up for this later. I take a deep breath then reach my hand up and touch his forehead.

"No, Ren," Grand Master says and I quickly pull my hand away. "You can read his mind without touching him, just hold out your hand and concentrate."

I nod and step back, then hold out my hand towards Hux. He still looks mad but I see something else in his blue eyes, something that looks a bit like worry. Is he worried I'll see something he doesn't want me to?

I close my eyes and try to focus. I haven't used my mind-reading powers a lot and I'm not exactly sure how it works, it just sort of does, but no one's trained me. Uncle Luke doesn't think it's a proper use of Force sensitivity. Mom and I can communicate this way, but I haven't done it with others.

I start with Hux's surface thoughts, which are more like a layer of emotion that I have to break through before seeing his real thoughts. There's mostly anger and... yes, the worry that I thought I saw in his expression, it's there. Or maybe it's embarrassment. I try to reach further, but Hux resists.

I open my eyes. "He's resisting," I say quietly.

"As he should," Grand Master says. "Try harder."

I nod and try again. Hux's anger has subsided a bit, replace with confidence. I catch a thought, he thinks his resistance is stronger than my ability to see into his mind, that I'll fail again. I search further, he's scared that I'll see something...

"If he is hiding something he doesn't want you to see," Grand Master says, "then it will be the most prominent thing on his mind."

I focus harder. He doesn't want me to see how strongly he feels about me, not hate, but something else.

I pull my hand away. Hux looks past me over my shoulder, his brows furrowed in anger. But I know that he's embarrassed not angry, an emotion I didn't think he was even capable of.

"Well then?" Grand Master says. "What did you see?"

"Pardon?" I turn to Grand Master, forgetting for a moment that he's even there.

"You must tell your victim what you see, so they know you are successfully reading their thoughts," Grand Master says. "Then they will fear you more, when they are aware that you have the power to see what they are hiding. It will break down their confidence."

I look at Hux. "Uh... I saw anger," I say. "Hux is mad that I'm allowed to read his mind."

"What else?"

I hesitate. Hux looks at me, his lips pressed together as he waits in silence, with nothing to say for once. He shakes his head slightly as though telling me no.

"I... I couldn't read him," I say. "He was resisting too much."

Grand Master sighs, leaning back in his chair. "Now, as for today's test..."

Hux looks away from me to Master and for once he doesn't seem eager to hear what the day's test will be.

"You will practice mind reading," Grand Master continues, looking at me. "Then return again tonight to try and read my mind. I want to see how much strength you have to do it, even though I know you will not be able to accomplish reading me, I can still feel your attempt at getting in, whether it's weak or proves a challenge to me."

"Yes, Your Supreme Leadership," I say. I take a deep breath, my pulse racing. This is the first time I've gotten permission to use my Force sensitivity since classes started this summer.

"What about me?" Hux says, then quickly adds, "Your Supreme Leadership." He bows slightly. "What's my test?"

"To do the same thing."

Hux frowns, looking confused.

Grand Master continues. "Go and find out the secrets of others and bring the information to me," he says. "You do not have to be Force sensitive to do that, nor have the ability to read someone's mind. You only need patience and observance."

"Yes, Your Supreme Leadership." Hux bows again to Supreme Leader then gives me a glare before walking out. My stomach drops. He's determined to find out something about me, I just know it, because I found out something private about him, that he doesn't actually hate me the way I thought. I only hope that Rita doesn't want to hang out with me today.


	8. Target Practice

I raise my blaster and shoot at the target. The blaster ray misses and hits a tree behind it. Phasma laughs. My hands tighten on the blaster and I shoot again, this time hitting the target. I've hit one of four. Phasma hit all of hers. I look back at Commander Klein who is writing things down in his clip board. Our turn is over.

Phasma and I step back and hand our blasters to the next two students then take a seat at the end of the line on a long bench. Hux is up next after the two that are shooting. I watch him sitting on the bench. He's less energetic than usual. Maybe he'll stop harassing me now, because he's embarrassed. He glances over at me and I quickly look away. It's his turn to go up.

"Phasma?" I say. "Can I read your mind?"

"Are you asking me if I think you can do it?" she says. "Or are you asking my permission?"

"Your permission." I watch Hux hit every target with no effort at all.

"No," Phasma says. "And you're not allowed to use your powers anyway."

I look at her. "I am today."

Phasma turns to me. "If you're going to read someone's mind at least don't ask them permission."

"But I have to be close to them to do it, and I think they can feel it. Actually, I'm not sure, but if they know and try to resist then they definitely feel it."

"Then don't tell them." Phasma glances at Hux as he walks past us to take a seat at the end of the line. "I wish I could do that, read someone's mind."

"It's not as great as it seems," I say. "You usually find out stuff you didn't want to know."

"What really happened in the forest, with Hux?"

I frown. "Nothing. Hux tried to scare me and jumped out at me."

"So then what are you hiding from Master Snoke?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't have to be a mind reader to know you're hiding something. I've known you long enough that I can tell," Phasma says. "You've been different lately."

"How?"

"No talking!" Commander Klein says to us. All heads turn our way and Hux gives us a glare. /

The day of training seems longer than usual and near the end I realize it's because I'd rather hang out with Rita than be in classes all day. Our last class of the day is equipment training, which is a lot of reading flight manuals and figuring out spacecraft layouts, since we don't go on actual ships until the end of the course.

When General Dray dismisses us I notice that Hux lingers behind to talk to Phasma. I stop outside the door to listen.

"What did he say?" Hux asks her.

"Nothing," Phasma says, sounding irritated. "I asked him what he's hiding and then Commander Klein interrupted us."

"Can't you seduce him or something?"

"I thought he was like you."

"He's not."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, quite sure."

"Well then he's too self-disciplined, like the Masters."

"No, he's not. He's just like the rest of us."

"Only he's not as evil."

"Grand Master will help him with that."

Their voices come closer and I quickly move away from the door. Suddenly I see Rita, standing at the end of the hall. She sees me and my hand goes out instantly to Force hold her into silence before she calls my name. Her eyes go wide.

 _Go to the Forest where the bird nest is and I'll meet you there._

Rita disappears around the corner just as Hux and Phasma come out of the classroom door. Did Rita hear me in her thoughts? Did she get the message?

"Ren?" Hux says in an accusing tone. I turn, lowering my hand.

"Trying to read a child's mind?" Phasma asks.

Damn, she saw me. "No." I start to walk away but Phasma stops me.

"Wait." She grabs my arm.

"You can't touch me," I say automatically.

Phasma frowns and lets go. Then she seems to regain her composure and gives me a sly smile. "Want to break the rules for once and come to my room?"

"No," I say, then add, "I would but the apprenticeship with Grand Master is really important to me." I'm lying as I say it but my quick 'no' seemed harsh, even though I'm not interested in laying with her. It's not because she isn't pretty, I just don't feel that way about her. Besides, I'm already breaking the rules way too much and am about to once again when I go meet Rita.

"I guess I admire that," Phasma says.

"I admire the way you shoot a phaser blaster," I say.

She smiles. "You'd better watch your back Ren, I never miss." She really is pretty when she smiles. I don't think she knows it though. Other than Rita, she's the only girl I've ever known growing up who wasn't scared of me.

"Phasma?"

"Yeah?"

Should I tell her she's pretty? I've never had a girl ask me to her room and probably never will. It's a complement to me and I kind of want to complement her too. "Never mind."

"Alright, well," Phasma crosses her arms. "Go rip the head off a bird or whatever you guys do for Snoke."

"You and Hux talk a lot, don't you?"

Phasma sighs. "Yeah, just talk." She walks away, waving a hand in my direction. "I'll see you later."

"See ya."


	9. You're My Attachment

The air is hot and muggy in the forest and I regret wearing my cloak. At this rate I'll probably miss supper, depending on how long I hang out with Rita. I shouldn't have told her to come all the way out here just to meet me, but Hux is looking for my secrets and she's one of them.

There's no wind today and I can hear every movement in the forest, so I know no one's following me. I get to the place where I first met Rita and she isn't there. I sigh. Did she decide not to come? Or maybe she didn't hear my mind communication after all.

I walk through an opening in the trees, searching for her. Why does she have to be so annoying?

"Rita?" I call. There's no response so I keep walking. I'll call one more time and if she doesn't respond I'll leave and go back for supper.

"Ren!" Rita's tiny voice sounds from far away. I head in that direction.

"Ren... Ren...!" She keeps calling. Then I see her running through the trees and I hold my breath, she's going so fast I'm worried she'll trip and fall. I run too, so she won't have to come so far and I see that she's been crying. She throws her arms around my waist as soon as I reach her.

"I got lost," she mumbles into my shirt. "Let's not meet in the forest anymore."

"Okay," I pull her back and kneel down so I can give her a proper hug.

She sniffles. "The forest is scary."

"Yeah," I say, pulling her close. Her tiny shoulders relax.

"Now I don't have time to play because I have to go back for supper." She lets go of me and looks so sad that I can't stand it.

"I'll come and play with you after supper then," I say, hoping to get a smile out of her, but she only drops her head.

"That's what you said last time," she mumbles. "But you never came."

"But I'll come this time."

She lifts her head. "Promise?"

I nod. "Come on, let's walk back together."

We walk in a companionable silence, neither of us needing to say anything. She takes my hand, only holding only two of my fingers because her hand is too small to properly hold mine. It helps her balance and when she trips over all the roots on the ground so I let her hold on. Her grip is strong, crushing my fingers.

We reach the edge of the forest where a large field of grass spreads out before the school buildings on the other side. Rita lets go of me and runs ahead. I slow down. I can't walk back to the school with her, but now that the buildings are in view I don't have to worry about her getting lost. She stops and looks back to see if I'm coming. Then she spreads her arms out wide and falls back onto the grass. The grass is tall and I can't see her anymore once she's laying down. I walk to where she is and look down at her.

"What are you doing?"

"Laying down in the grass."

I sit down too, looking up at the clouds. Rita hums a tune and I listen. I can't remember the last time I heard someone hum a tune, or even sing.

"What are you singing?" I ask.

"Something my mom used to sing to me. Want me to teach it to you?"

"No."

"It goes like this. _Let the sun shine in, face it with a grin. Smilers never lose, and frowners never win._ "

I laugh.

"What's funny?" Rita asks, looking at me.

"Your song is."

"Why?"

"Sith Lords don't smile. And they always win."

"They smile." Rita sits up. "They have evil smiles like this."

She tries to give me an evil smile, tilting her chin down and narrowing her eyes. I push her forehead playfully and she falls back onto the grass. She kicks my shoulder with her foot and I grab it. She tries to pull it away, squealing and kicking.

"Oh no," I let go of her foot.

"What?"

"I didn't really do my test today and I have to go see Master."

"What test?" Rita sits up again, crossing her legs.

I shrug. "I'm supposed to practice reading someone's mind."

"How do you do that?"

I look at Rita. "Can I read your mind?"

She pulls her knees up and hugs them. "Will it hurt?"

"Not if you don't resist."

"What does reesis mean?"

"Just... when you try to stop me from doing it."

"Okay," Rita says.

"Okay what?"

"You can read my mind."

I shift my sitting position to face her and hold out my hand near her head. She grabs my hand and lays her head into my palm like it's a pillow. I'm about to object but then just decide to let her do what she wants. I feel like I'm always giving her rules and it's getting annoying. She closes her eyes and rests heavily on my hand. I move closer so I can lean her against my shoulder instead of just holding my arm out. Then I close my eyes and concentrate.

The first thing that hits me is how tired she is and I instantly want to make her comfortable so she can rest. I pull her up into my lap and hold her with one arm so she can rest, then set my other hand to her forehead. I start with her surface feelings. She feels really safe in my arms and completely content when I'm holding her. There is still a lingering fear left over from being lost in the forest. She's not resisting my mind reading at all so I search further.

She's thinking about her Rock and how he's going to be lonely if she doesn't get back to her room soon. Her thoughts are quick, jumping around to different subjects. She thinks of her mom and dad, feeling abandoned by them. Her greatest fear is that she'll never see them again somehow, or that her mom will forget about her. She had a dream last night that they left her to stay with Oktar. He's a big Crolute alien, brother Unkar the Junkboss on Jakku, and he's partner with her dad's trading business. They tell her he's like her uncle, but he's not. Her images of him are scary and he makes her feel uncomfortable and nauseous... it's a feeling I recognize all too well.

I pull my hand away, afraid of what else I might see.

"You love Mr. Rock a lot don't you?" I say.

"Yes," she says softly.

"You shouldn't, because it's an attachment."

"What's an attachment?"

"When you love something too much."

"Are you my attachment?"

"No."

"Why shouldn't I love something too much?"

I think about this for a moment.

"Because," I say. "If you lose it you'll be too sad."

"I want to keep Mr. Rock, forever."

I look out at the setting sun. Supper is probably over by now. Will Rita's grandfather be looking for her? I should tell her to head back, but I don't want to let go of her just yet. Holding her is like drinking water when I'm thirsty. Is it because I'm not allowed to touch anyone? Even when I didn't have that rule no one ever came close to me.

Rita's breathing is heavier now and she's falling asleep in my arms.

"Rita?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you scared of Oktar?"

"He yells at me and makes me clean robot parts," she says with a sleepy voice, "in green water that makes my hands turn red and it hurts. And he..."

"And he what?"

Rita doesn't answer.

"Are you sleeping?" I ask her.

"No."

"Oktar does what?"

"I can't say."

"What can't you say?"

"Oktar said that if I ever tell anyone then I'll never get to see my parents again. He'll trade them to aliens who will take them away."

My heart clenches. _Oh no... not Rita too_.

I move her hair away from her face and tuck it behind her ear.  
She's frowning now and her cheeks are pink. Is she too warm with my cloak surrounding her?

"Is it okay when I hold you?" I ask.

"Yes. You're not mean or scary. And I love you. You're my attachment."

I keep my fingers on her hair and glance into her thoughts. I've made her sad by talking about Oktar and her parents. And she's thinking about night time coming and how she'll be alone in her room. She doesn't believe I will come play with her even though I promised. And she does love me. Her feelings are so strong that I can't breathe when I focus on them. I let go of her thoughts.

"I really am going to come to your room tonight and play with you," I say, breathing again. "And with Mr. Rock too. Okay?"

Rita jumps up and throws her arms around my neck, pressing her cheek against my ear as she squeezes me tight. "Okay."

She lets go and looks at me with her big hazel eyes. "Are you telling the truth?"

"Yes." I smile. "I have to go see my Master first but then I'll come after."

"Okay," she smiles back, then pushes her palm to my forehead. "I can read your mind too."

"You can?" I leave her hand on my forehead. "What am I thinking?"

"You are thinking... that you will bring me a piece of chocolate square dessert when you come to my room so I can eat it."

I take her hand and hold it. "You read my mind."


	10. Late Again

My cloak weighs down heavy on me as I walk into Master's office. My pockets are full of rocks that I got from the river as a surprise for Rita and I didn't have time to take them back to my room first before coming here.

"You're late," Master says as I step in front of his desk.

"And for that I know..." I start to say then stop. I really don't want get punished. "And for that I know I should be sorry," I say instead.

"Sit down," Master Snoke says, seeming less calm than usual. I quickly take a seat.

"I don't have time for your lack of discipline. Hux has brought something important to my attention, information I need to attend to."

My heart speeds up but I don't reply.

"Tell me," Master continues. "Did you practice reading minds?"

"Yes, Your Supreme Leadership."

"With whom?"

"Phasma," I lie.

"And who else?"

"Hux."

Master frowns. "Tomorrow I want you to try with someone outside of your friends. Now let's get on with it." He leans forward in his seat. "I want to see how well you can force into my mind."

I swallow hard and sit up straighter. Should I try hard? Or just a little? The thought of seeing into Grand Master's mind is terrifying. I raise my hand to him and close my eyes, then start with his surface level feelings. A sick feeling crawls over me. There are no surface feelings. I try again. Grand Master is emotionless, like a dark and empty void. I want to pull away but I know I haven't really tried hard enough. I push further, but all I find is more darkness and emptiness, as though he's got no soul.

"You never did read Phasma's mind, did you?" Grand Master says. "She was asking you questions to get information for Hux."

He's reading my thoughts! I want to pull away but can't. I quickly think of Hux, pushing all my feelings and thoughts about him to the forefront of my mind to hide everything else that has been going on. I bring up images of Hux, attacking me in the forest, and how uncomfortable he makes me feel when he's on top of me, holding me down, or when he talks too close to my face.

Master releases my mind and I fall back into my seat. I knew he wouldn't want to see those thoughts for too long. He tricked me. He knew I'd never be able to see into his mind but it gave him access to mine, and I was unprepared for it.

"I'll have a talk with Hux," he says, slowly getting up. "That is all for today."

I get up too. "Yes, Your Supreme Leadership."

"Tomorrow there will be no tests, but I'd like you to continue using your mind reading powers. Try influencing people to do your will, especially Hux. Make him stop when you want him to stop. You have my permission to use your Force powers now, however you please. Just keep him alive."

"Yes, Your Supreme Leadership."

"I will not be in my study tomorrow." Master looks over at me. "Now go and take your rest. You will need it."

I nod and walk out of the room. /

All the food has been put away by the time I reach the dining hall. Even the baskets of fruit that usually get left out all day are gone. I walk to the kitchen area to look for something to eat. A nervousness eats away at my empty stomach. Is Rita waiting for me? Is she scared all alone in her room?

The sun has gone down and the kitchen is dark. Only the halls are lit with torches, but there's still a bit of lingering light coming from outside and I can see my way around.

I grab some slices of cheese and a bag of blue grapes for myself, then look for chocolate squares for Rita. All I can find is baker's chocolate. There's also milk. Should I make Rita some hot cocoa the way my mom used to make for me?

I look around the kitchen and see the various sized pans hanging over the large wood burning stove. I walk over and hold my hand above the iron surface. It's still hot. If I can get the chocolate to melt then I'll take Rita some hot cocoa.

I set my food down on the counter and open the large stove door to look inside. There's a small fire going, I just need to throw some kindling on it to get it burning high again then it will burn itself out quickly, since there are no large logs inside. I throw an armload of kindling in then pour milk into a small pot. It doesn't take long for the milk to boil and steam, the froth rising up quickly. I throw in small chunks of the chocolate and stir. The warm smell makes me smile. I put in more and more chunks of chocolate. Maybe I'll make myself a mug too, there's enough milk in the pot.

By the time I reach Rita's room it's already past our bedtime. Her door is slightly open and I push it with my food, my arms full. I look inside and see that she isn't there. My stomach tightens. Did she go to my room? I'm at the next building but it won't take me long to get there.

I walk fast, careful not to spill the two mugs of cocoa which are still steaming.

When I enter the next building through the tall archway I see a little lump in front of my door like a sack of potatoes. It's Rita curled up and sitting at my door. I hurry over.

She lifts her head and I kneel down in front of her. "Rita, you can't come here," I say, a little more sternly than I intended to. I'm not mad at her, I'm mad at myself for always making her worry or sad. Why is she always looking for me?

Rita frowns and lowers her head again.

"I'm sorry I took so long," I say. "I made us hot cocoa."

"What's that?" Rita looks at the steaming mugs in my hand. She probably doesn't get hot desserts while living in a place like Jakku, where it's hot all day and night.

"It's like melted chocolate squares," I say.

Rita's eyes go wide. "Really?"

"Yeah. Come on, let's go to your room." I glance over my shoulder, half expecting to see Hux or Grand Master standing there.

"I thought you weren't coming," Rita says.

"Of course I was." I look back to her. "I know I break my promises sometimes, but from now on when I make you a promise I'll try to keep it okay?"

"Okay."

"And if I break my promise it's not because I..." I shift the food in my arms. "It's not because I don't like you. It's because something happened, like I had to go see Grand Master or I got into trouble or something."

"Are we going to play with Mr. Rock?" she says.

I smile. "Yes, and... I have a surprise for you."


	11. A Surprise For You

I walk ahead of Rita into her room and set our mugs down on the bedside table.

"Close the door behind you," I whisper to her, setting the food down. I brought matches from the kitchen and an extra candle just in case. I look around the room. I can see two candle holders with short candle sticks left in them. "Are there any more candles?" I ask Rita.

She runs over to me and opens her side table drawer. A pile of candles roll around inside. I take out a handful. "Let's light up this room so it's not so dark and scary."

"Okay!" Rita claps her hands and I get started. My stomach flutters as I think about all the rocks in my pocket. She's going to be so surprised.

Finally when the candles are all lit I take Rita her mug of cocoa. It's cooled down enough now for her to be able to hold it. She takes it carefully in both hands, her tiny fingers not able to reach around the mug.

I turn her around so she's facing the door. "Stay here and I'll tell you when to turn around again."

"Okay," she nods and starts to drink her cocoa. "Ow, it's hot!"

"Just sip it slowly." I go to the bed and unload my pockets, setting all the rocks onto her blanket slowly so they don't clatter together and she guess the surprise. When I'm done I pull off my heavy cloak and set it aside, removing the weight of it off my shoulders, like removing the stress of the day.

I spread the rocks out to make them all visible so it looks like there are lots. I picked ones that were about the same size as Mr. Rock, but some are smaller and some bigger.

"Okay," I say. "You can turn around now."

Rita turns slowly, her mug still up to her lips as she keeps sipping. She looks at me first, not noticing the rocks yet, and lowers her mug to smile at me.

"Look at your bed," I say.

Her eyes glance over and then open wide, her little mouth forming a tiny o. She stares for a second then squeals.

"Rocks!"

"Shhh..." I rush over to grab her mug before she drops it in her excitement. She shoves it at me and runs to her bed, jumping up onto it. "Where did you find all of these?" she says in a loud whisper.

I shrug like it was no big deal, but the walk was long and that's why I was late meeting Master Snoke. Rita begins organizing the rocks right away, separating the big ones from the small ones.

"Those are the babies," she says, "and those are the bigger kids and those are the grown-ups and," she jumps up, stepping on her rocks and messing up all her organization. "I have to show Mr. Rock!"

"Shhh..." I shush her again. She's so easily excitable, like a Force sensitive child with no training. She reminds me of when I was younger, only less angry.

Rita runs to her window sill, reaching up on her toes. "He likes to look out the window when I'm not here," she explains. I set down her mug and take mine to taste the cocoa. It's warm and thick. I take in a deep breath of the sweet drink.

Rita is on her bed again, reorganizing. "Which one do you want to marry?" she says to Mr. Rock, holding him up to her face to talk to him. She picks out a rock from the pile in front of her.

I sit down at the edge of the bed. My hurt from all the walking in the forest I've been doing lately. I look at Rita's organization. She's set the largest rocks aside and seems less interested in them.

"This is Mrs. Rock," she says, lifting up one of the rocks to show me.

"Why does Mr. Rock want to get married?" I ask.

"So he'll have a best friend."

"Can't he just have a best friend and not get married?"

"If they're married they will be together forever, so that's better."

I think of my mom and dad and how dad is never around, always out doing trades or traveling to other planets.

"Do you want to get married?" I ask Rita.

"Okay!" she says with excitement.

"No," I shake my head. "Not to me, I meant when you grow up."

She relaxes back into her sitting position and shrugs. "When I grow up I'll just get married to you."

I sigh and set my hot cocoa down on the bedside table. "I'm going to be busy ruling the Galaxy," I say.

Rita ignores me and keeps organizing her rocks. I frown, watching her go about her work. I wish I could know for sure she'll be safe and end up happy when she grows up. "Don't you want to play with the big rocks?" I ask, pointing at the rocks she's set aside.

"No, they're the mean rocks."

I smile. "Why are they mean?"

"Because they have pointy parts and are big."

I hold back a laugh. "Can I play with them then?"

"Yes!" Rita gathers them into her arms and tries to hand them to me but can't hold them all. I move over to help her.

"They'll be my army commanders," I say. "And I'll need some Stormtroopers too."

"I'll give you the other mean looking ones then," Rita says, picking out other rocks with the sharper edges.

I put my rocks onto the floor and grab my cloak to set it up as my army base. The hood will be the headquarters office where they meet to discuss upcoming battles. I pick a rock with sharp edges to be the leader.

"This is their leader." I lift the rock to show Rita. She glances over.

"That's not the biggest one," she says.

"I know, but it's go the most sharp edges."

"Oh." She climbs out of her bed, more carefully this time so as not to disrupt her rocks, then kneels beside it. "I live on this planet," she says, patting her bed. "And you live down there on a different planet."

"Okay. But you probably shouldn't bring Mr. Rock to my planet," I say, noticing she's got Mr. Rock in her hand. "We're about to go to war."

"Mr. Rock can go to war too," Rita says. "But he'll have to be back for supper so Mrs. Rock and all the babies won't be worried."

I look up at the bed where twenty or so small rocks surround Mrs. Rock.

"That's a lot of babies," I say. "Mrs. Rock could put them all in the Stormtrooper program when they grow up. They can join my army."

"Maybe," Rita says. "But this one..." she picks up the tiniest one, "is going to be a princess when she grows up, so she can't be a Stormtrooper."

"What's her name?"

"Rey."

"This is Darth Kylo," I say, holding up my pointy rock. "He's going to rule the Galaxies."

Rita looks over. "Can Mrs. Rock visit your planet for a peaceful visit?"

"What does she want?"

"She wants to talk about trading fuel for other things we need on our planet. We have a lot of fuel for spaceships."

I nod. "That sounds like a good idea. We need lots of fuel for our TIE fighters. Darth Kylo will send a shuttle to go pick up Mrs. Rock. That way we know she's not sneaking anything onto our base with her own spacecraft, like bombs or spy equipment."

"She isn't!"

"Let me set up my chain of command first. I need to appoint a second in command chief officer to oversee the negotiations and all the other stuff Master Kylo doesn't want to do."

"What's the officer chief's name?"

I shrug. "Lux."

"Okay, but you better hurry."

"Why?"

"Because our deal for selling you the fuel is only going to last for a short time or else we will sell it to different aliens. They said they will give us more money for it. But I will let you buy first because I know you."

I smile and organize my rocks on my cloak into the sections of my base where they're stationed according to their various job titles.

"Does your dad trade fuel too?"

"Yeah." Rita busies herself with her rocks but seems to be waiting on me.

"Okay the shuttle will be on its way soon. We just need to have the meeting room set up for Mrs. Rock's arrival."

I look around the room for some books or something to use as a conference table for my headquarters office.

"Rita, do you have any books?"

She doesn't reply and I glance over to see what she's doing. She's lying against the edge of her bed, her arms up on the mattress, holding rocks, but her eyes are closed and her head rests on the bed.

"Rita?" I go over to her. She's asleep. I look at all the rocks on the bed. Should I move them? They're in some sort of order, groups that look like they must be families, two larger rocks surrounded by smaller ones in each group.

I pick Rita up and put her onto the bed to sleep beside all her rocks. I hope she doesn't roll around much in her sleep.

"Goodnight Rita," I whisper, covering her with her blanket. Then I blow out all the candles and leave my cloak army base on the floor for tomorrow, locking the door behind me.


	12. The Elimination Games

My teeth chatter as we walk from the dining hall to the school building. The wind has picked up and it looks like there's a storm coming. The air smells of rain and roots and dirt of the forest in the distance. Phasma walks beside me and Hux is beside her.

"Where's your cloak?" Phasma asks, watching me rub my arms.

I shrug. "I don't know."

"Maybe you left it in Dukath's granddaughter's room,"Hux says. My stomach tightens and I stop walking. Hux does too and so does Phasma.

"Who?" she asks looking at me then Hux.

"One of the Masters that lives here," Hux says.

"What are you talking about?" I say, my pulse pounding loudly in my ears.

"Your little friend," Hux says. "I know your secret-"

I grab Hux in a force hold so tight he begins to choke. Phasma takes a step back. The others have already gone into the school building.

"Are you allowed to use your powers?" Phasma says. "You don't want to get expelled."

I ignore her and Force my way into Hux's mind. He resists but I'm a lot stronger now that I'm mad. Master Snoke was right about using anger and hate as a tool to be stronger, it really works. Hux's surface layer emotions are fear and anger, then I see that he saw me with Rita last night and was jealous of the way I was paying such special attention to her. I search further. He doesn't intend to tell Snoke about it because he doesn't want me expelled.

I let him go and he falls to his knees, gasping for air. Was I keeping him from breathing?

Phasma curses and kneels down beside him, putting an arm around his shoulders as he tries to catch his breath. She gives me an angry glare.

"Get lost Ren," she says.

I hesitate for a second then walk ahead to the next building. /

"Quiet down!" Master Garione says to the group of students gathered in the Markin Hall. It is the largest gathering space at the school with comfortable, theater style seating and a raised platform at the front, where important speakers do talks or big announcements are made. I take a seat at the back, away from everyone else.

Phasma and Hux walk in just as Master Garione is about to speak. He gives them a displeased look and waits for them to have a seat before he continues talking.

"Grand Master Snoke has called you all in here today to tell you about a new initiative for the First Order Future Commanders program," Master Garione says.

I look over at Grand Master. He's sitting in a chair beside three other commanders at the front. I can't see his face inside his hood but his eyes stare back at me. I don't look away. I'm not sure why. He finally turns his head and looks out at the other students.

"As you know," Master Garione continues. "Only twenty-five of you will graduate from this program and continue on to be leaders and commanders with the First Order."

There is a hush over the room. Eighty students have been training this summer. Last summer it was 150 and the summer before that it was 250. I never thought about the selection process too much and how they decide who goes on to the next summer program. I always just happened to pass.

"To decide on the final twenty-five on this, our final year of training, we will be having a competition of sorts, a game, if you will." Master Garione looks to Grand Master Snoke, who nods. "Starting tomorrow, there will be no more classes. Your final training will be a practical one, a competition, to the death."

Everyone is silent as we wait to hear more. Hux and Phasma look over their shoulders at me and I suddenly wish I was sitting with them and not alone.

"You have a week to prepare, then we start the Elimination Games."

"Can we form teams?" Hux says, not bothering to raise his hand.

"No," Master Garione says. "Each one for himself."

"What if someone has an advantage?" Phasma says. "Like Force sensitivity?"

A few heads turn to me and I sink down in my seat.

"Everyone should use every advantage they have at their disposal, except for weapons fire. There will be no weapons allowed."

An outburst of disapproval fills the theater room as the rest of the students begin to complain.

"Quiet!" Master Garione says. "All blasters and other weapons will be removed from the school grounds. Anyone caught with a weapon will be automatically disqualified."

"What about hiding until the game is over?" someone says.

"You will be on a Capital starship, with life-signs detection capabilities. There's no place to hide. I recommend you familiarize yourselves with the ship's layout and operating systems."

"If someone is hurt and doesn't want to continue can they ask to be disqualified?" Phasma asks.

"No," Master Snoke says before Master Garione can answer. "Everyone remains on the ship until only twenty-five are left over, no matter how long that takes."

I swallow hard. With no blasters it will be more difficult for students to kill each other. They'll have to use kitchen knives or their bare hands. I frown. I do have an advantage, but I don't want to use it to kill my fellow classmates. I've never purposefully used my Force powers to kill anyone. Will Hux and Phasma get killed? Hux is smart, I can see him passing the Games, but if Phasma can't use her blaster skills she'll have a harder time. She'll get jumped by one of the larger guys.

I rub my face with my hands. I have to talk to Grand Master. This can't be the only way to decide who's going to be a future leader with the First Order.

Master Garione talks some more about the Elimination Game rules, but I can't concentrate. I keep thinking about Mom and Uncle Luke and how they wouldn't like this at all. I do have Force powers, but they are strongest when I'm mad or irrational. And if I'm irrational then I could get myself killed. There are some really smart students in the program, like Hux, and I could see them getting the better of me before the games are over.

I look over at Hux. Would he kill me if it came down him getting into the First Order or not? I know he feels strongly about me but he feels even more strongly about ruling the Galaxy. And I almost just killed him before this meeting, by cutting off his air supply.

Master Garione dismisses everyone and they all start talking immediately as they make their way out of the theater. I can already see the teams forming, despite the rule about no groups. They want to save each other and be the new future leaders of the First Order. Some glace at me and I know they're plotting to take me down. I'll be the first target on everyone's list.

My stomach feels queasy with the food I ate at supper. Phasma and Hux walk out together, not even glancing back at me. I stay in my seat and wait until everyone leaves. I've got one week. One week to figure out if I can kill my classmates to win a game or if I should tell Mom or Uncle Luke about all this and just leave. One week... left with Rita.


	13. Attachments Are Your Weakness

My room feels cold and dark but I don't bother lighting any candles. I throw myself onto my bed, my boots and clothes still on. My chest hurts as I take deep breaths. I didn't realized how tired I was until I laid down. I feel like I would after crying for hours.

I won't go to Rita's room even though my cloak is still there. I'm too edgy to play rocks now, with the Elimination Games being announced. I do want to be part of the First Order. I know it's going to be the true leader of the Galaxy. When I was playing rocks with Rita it reminded me of why I want to do this, to have commanders following my orders, to be the leader of the First Order like Master Snoke said and to show my parents that I'm not just some freak of the Force that will never amount to anything.

Master Snoke understands me, and so do Hux and Phasma. We all want the same thing, to accomplish what my grandfather was trying to do, bring a ruling force into the Galaxy that will keep order. My dad is nothing but a space pirate that makes unfair trades with aliens. He only cares about himself, and Chewbacca.

I close my eyes and begin to drift off to sleep, wondering what Rita is up to.

A light knock on the door wakes me and I get up from my bed. The knocking goes on and on.

"I'm coming." I go to the door and open it. It's Hux.

"Something's happened," he says, his voice is so monotone that it scares me.

"Happened?" I say.

He steps aside and I see a small coffin behind him. The name carved on the top says 'Rita.'

"No!" I yell.

I sit up in bed, my heart pounding so hard that my chest aches. It was just a dream but it felt so real.

I jump out of bed, still dressed and with my boots on. I don't know what time it is but I have to go check on Rita./

"Rita?" I say in a loud whisper, knocking again. She isn't opening even though I keep knocking. I look down the hall in case anyone comes out of their rooms.

I turn the door handle. It's unlocked.

Rita's room is dark but I can make out the silhouette of a bundle of blankets on her bed. I walk over and gently move the blankets aside. She isn't in her bed.

The room is empty. All the rocks are gone and my cloak is gone too. My pulse pounds in my ears. Where is she? Who can I ask? If I ask anyone they'll wonder why I'm asking.

I walk out of the room and quietly close the door. Hux mentioned her grandfather's name, Master Dakar? I lean my head against the door and close my eyes to think. What was his name?

 _Rita, where are you?_

Suddenly I feel someone watching me and I open my eyes. In the corner of the hall is Master Snoke, hidden in the shadows, only his eyes gleam from beneath his hood. I jump away from the door.

"Master," I say.

"Ren." He moves forward. "I sensed something was wrong."

I shake my head. "Nothing's wrong," I say, my breath coming out in fast gasps now. "I just thought I heard something coming from this room. I don't know whose room it is."

"Perhaps you need to do a confession? It cleanses the mind."

My heart beats so strongly that I think I might faint.

"Yes," I say. "I will, Your Supreme Leadership. In the morning. I'm just so tired right now. I had a bad dream. I think I was sleepwalking. I don't know how I got here."

Master watches me curiously. "Is it the Games that that have you so troubled?"

"Yes," I nod. "A little..."

"You will pass," Master says. "I have foreseen it. You have my permission to use the Force in any way you deem necessary."

"Thank you, Your Supreme Leadership."

"You should take your rest while you still can."

"Yes, Your Supreme Leadership." I bow then walk away down the hall, my heart hammering in my chest./

Hux's door is partially open and I walk right in. The room is lit with candles and there are books and papers everywhere, diagrams and instruction manuals on everything from weapons to spacecraft layouts. I step on a few of the papers as I walk to his bed. He's asleep with a book in his hand but stirs at the crunch of paper beneath my boot. He blinks and sits up slowly.

"Ren?"

"I need your help," I say. "I can't find Rita."

"What?" Hux gets out of bed and stands up, still rubbing at his eyes. He's not wearing a shirt. "It's the middle of the night." He runs his hands through his disheveled hair.

"Yes, and Rita's missing."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Come help me look for her in the forest. She might have sleep walked there or something."

"She probably went to your room." Hux rubs his face with his hands.

"No, she isn't there. But we can check again. What did you say her grandfather's name was?"

Hux sighs loudly. "You can't wake her grandfather up in the middle of the night. Grand Master will find out that you're spending time with her."

"I think he might already know."

"Then she's probably already dead."

"Don't SAY THAT!" I yell.

Hux jumps and looks scared for a second, then angry. "Get out!" he yells back. "I don't care about Rita or you."

I turn to leave.

"It's just like Master said," Hux calls after me. "Attachments are your weakness."


	14. Finding Rita

"Rita," I call out into the forest. I don't know for sure that she's out here but after checking all the buildings and the open field the forest is the last place to look.

The cool light of dawn is already filling the sky above as morning approaches, making it easier for me to see, but harder for me to hold on to the hope that I'll find her.

"Rita!" I call again. Hux's words won't leave my mind, _attachments are your weakness_. I push the thought away and keep going. Where could she be? Did she try to walk to the river to return all the rocks?

I walk and walk, but there is nothing but trees and ground and sky.

A dizzy spell makes me stumble and I grab a nearby tree trunk to steady myself. For a moment I feel the Force energy in the tree, something I've never felt before. But now, in my hazy delirium I sense it clearly.

I close my eyes and reach out to the forest, like I do when I read someone's mind, only it's the trees and grass and plants. They move as one in the breeze. I feel the wind spread from one side of the forest to the other. The trees breathe, the animals are awake and alert with the dawn, looking for water. They all answer me one by one. She isn't here. Not in the grassy field that sways, not among the plants with the small forest creatures or beneath the tall trees that look down from above. The larger animals have not seen her either.

My shoulders slump and I let go of the tree. She's not in the forest. There's no point in looking any further. I have to go see Master for confession this morning. I can't escape it now. Maybe it's better if he knows. Maybe he can take away this attachment that is tearing me to pieces.

I clench my fists and hold back the tears. If I'm going to rule the Galaxy I can't have any attachments./

Master Snoke is not in his study when I get there. I don't know what I would have done if he was. I can't do this confession. I just can't

"Ren?"

I jump at the sound of my name. Master Gerione stands at the door. "Grand Master isn't here. He was called away on an important matter. Whatever you're here to see him for will have to wait."

I nod and Master Garione continues on down the hall. I let out a sigh and tears roll down my face. I can't take this. I walk out of the study and almost run into Hux. I quickly wipe my tears away.

Hux has bags under his eyes like he hasn't slept either. "She was on a trip with her grandfather," he says. My chest fills and I can't speak. "She's in the chapel now with him," Hux continues. "And some other Masters, doing the early morning chants."

I leave Hux and run./

The sound of chanting coming from the small chapel at the end of the path reaches me before I get to the front doors. They're open and I look inside. Four Jedi Masters sit on the front bench and Rita is with them. She's sitting beside an older Master who is probably her grandfather. Her feet swing as she looks around and up at the ceiling. She's wearing a dress today and she looks perfectly fine. She's not hurt or lost or dead. She's fine. I stay at the door.

 _Rita_... I call to her with the Force, not sure if she'll hear it.

She turns immediately and looks right at me. Her face brightens and she jumps down from the bench, getting her grandfather's attention. I step out of the entrance way so he won't see me. Rita's little footsteps clap against the stone floor. I get down on my knees and when she runs around the corner to find me I scoop her into my arms up and pull her into my arms.

"Hi Ren!" she says. "Do you want to meet my grandpa?"

"The next time you go away, tell me first, so I know where you are," I whisper, pulling back from the hug. I lift her long hair away from her face with both hands, setting it behind her ears. The chanting from inside the chapel continues, echoing off the stone walls.

"I went to go tell you," Rita says, looking down, her little face cupped in my hands. "But you were in the theater place doing a meeting."

I lift her chin. "It's okay. It's not your fault. I was just worried about you."

"Am I your attachment now?" she says, looking at me with bright eyes.

I smile and let go of her cheeks. "You're a smart girl Rita."

"I know."

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"I don't have classes all week!"

"You don't?" Rita gasps.

"No. And do you know what I want to do with all my free time?"

"Sleep?"

"No." I take her small hands in mine. "I want to play with you all week."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Okay!" Rita squeals.

"Shhh... You should go back to your grandfather for now okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm going to go sleep for a bit while you're here at the chapel. I was up all night."

"Okay."

"Rita, what happened to all your rocks?"

"I put them under the bed and your cloak too because grandpa would see them."

"Okay." I let her hands go. "I'll see you again soon."

"Okay." She smacks my forehead with her palm then laughs and runs back into the chapel.


	15. Your Heart Beat

I dream that I'm roaming the halls of the Capital starship. There's no one left in the Elimination Games because I've killed them all, except for Hux and Phasma. A sick feeling stirs in the pit of my stomach. I can't remember how I killed them all, I just know I did.

The rules have changed and only one person can win. I don't know if I want to live or die. If I live that means Phasma and Hux will die, and that I have to be the one to kill them. If I die then that means Rita will never see me again. I keep wandering and searching endlessly but all I find is more empty hallways that hum with the sound of the ship's energy. The silence closes in around me and I want to scream.

I wake to a warm room and a stiff neck. I sit up slowly, my muscles aching.

Rita! I jump to my feet, then remember that she's okay and I found her. I sit back down then quickly stand up again. Am I late for class? No, there aren't any classes now. I get to spend time with Rita, until the Elimination Games. I know I should try and find out more about the Games and prepare somehow, but I don't even want to think about it at all. My stomach swirls with so many emotions it makes me nauseous.

It's a hot day today and my room is stuffy. A familiar restlessness stirs inside of me, luring me with its intoxicating temptation. I can taste it in my mouth, sweet and thick. I thought I'd mastered these desires, but maybe I only repressed them and now they're surfacing again. I swallow hard. I have to stop thinking about it. I just need to get out of my room and take a walk.\

I walk past the large three at the center of the cobblestone courtyard between the school buildings. No one seems to be anywhere, in the school rooms or outside. The hot sun warms my back, reminding me of the first day of summer training this year. I was so excited to return for my fifth year with the First Order training program. Even knowing that I had to deal with Hux all summer didn't get me down. I frown. I liked it better when I knew him as just a bully. It was less complicated that way.

I head for the dining hall for some food. Maybe it will be less deserted there.

"You're so intense," Phasma says, sitting with me as I eat. She saw me walking into the dining hall and followed me in. "When you love someone you love them to death don't you."

"No I don't." I don't know why she's sitting with me. It's not like she's eating. But maybe she's bored too. "Where's Hux? Why don't you go hang out with him?"

"Tell me about the little girl," Phasma says.

I drink some water then shrug, not sure what to say. "I don't know, she's special."

"Why?"

I shrug again.

"Well, you should let her go, she's an attachment."

I continue eating and don't reply. Phasma doesn't know what she's talking about.

"She doesn't belong in our world," she continues, "of fighting and killing. You're going to be a leader in the First Order someday."

I get up, leaving the rest of my food. "I have to go."\

"Do you have a sea monster?" Rita asks, holding her cards awkwardly in her small hands. She's sitting cross-legged on my bed and I'm leaning up against the cold stone wall, trying to cool off in the warm evening.

I look down at my cards that we borrowed from Phasma. She's got a lot of weird stuff that she trades for and collects, like cards and scarves and necklaces. "Is this a sea monster?" I show Rita one of my cards that looks like a snake.

She grabs it out of my hand. "Yes!"

"I have two more."

"Then you have to give them to me!"

"What if I didn't tell you I had them, and I kept them?"

"You can't do that. You have to tell me if I ask you."

I hand over my two sea monster cards. "So this is a trust game?"

Rita sighs in a big exaggerated way and rolls her eyes. "No, it's just a _card_ game."

"Oh. I think Hux would be very good at this game. He'd probably win every time."

"Now it's your turn to ask me," Rita says.

"Okay, do you have three sea monster cards?"

"Gahhhh," Rita throws herself back onto my pillow and grunts.

"What?" I ask. "I knew you had those cards, so I asked for them."

"You're so bad at playing cards."

"I am?"

"Yes."

"Okay, okay. I think I get it. But you should put your three sea monsters to the side because they're the points you won, right?"

Rita sits back up. She attempts to remove her three cards from the rest and they all fall onto the bed. Now I know which cards to ask for. She picks them back up.

"Do you have a..." I look into her big hazel eyes. "A bird card?"

"Nope! You have to pick up a card now."

I pick up a card then remember the chocolate squares I brought with me.

"Hey Rita, guess what I found in the kitchen?"

"What?"

I reach for my bag of stuff I brought for us to do and take out a chocolate square wrapped in wax paper. I open the paper to reveal the chocolate square and Rita's eyes go wide. She drops her cards and reaches for it.

"Can I have it?" she says.

"Okay, but can I have a bite first?"

She hesitates, wringing her little fingers together as she thinks. "Um... okay."

The square is small and I have five more so I pop the whole thing into my mouth. Rita gasps.

"Hey!" she gives me an angry look, but her bottom lip sticks out in a pout.

"I'm just playing with you I have more," I say, grabbing the other pieces from the cloth bag. I hold them out to Rita but now she's blinking back tears.

"Look." I show her the pieces.

She crosses her arms. "It's okay, I don't want one."

I set the pieces down and sigh. "I'm sorry. I was just joking." I hold out my arms to her. "Do you want me to go get more from the kitchen, since I ate that one?"

"No." Rita backs away from me.

"Rita..." I move closer to her and she smiles a little but tries hard to keep her angry face.

"Go away, you're mean and I don't want your dumb chocolate squares!" she says.

"What? But they're so good!" I pick one up and unwrap it, then hold it out to her. "I know you love them."

Rita shakes her head and turns her shoulders away in a dramatic display of ignoring me. I put the square in front of her face and she pushes it away and turns her back to me. I keep following her with the chocolate square.

"Come on Rita it's soooo yummy." I squish the square to her cheeks and she squeals, scrambling off the bed and running away. I chase after her. There isn't a lot of room for her to run and she jumps up onto my night table, then from there onto my bookcase.

"Rita, be careful!" I reach for her and she takes the chocolate square from my hand and shoves it in her mouth.

"Hey!" I say. "I want that back!"

Rita giggles as I squeeze her cheeks. She jumps away from me and almost falls off the bookcase but I catch her and swing her up into my arms.

"Come on, let's finish our card game," I say, carrying her back to the bed. "And no cheating this time."

"I don't cheat!" she mumbles loudly with a mouthful of chocolate. I put her down then sit beside her.

"I'm so tired." I lay back with a dramatic sigh and cover my face with my arm. "I have to rest for a little bit." My short sleep this morning didn't make up for being out all night looking for Rita.

"No!" she smacks my arm. "You said we'd play all night."

"Yeah but that's because I thought you'd fall asleep by now. Why aren't you tired yet? It's the middle of the night."

Rita tugs at my arm, trying to remove it from my face.

"Wake up," she grunts. I drop my arm and she smacks my cheeks.

"Hey, I'm trying to sleep here," I laugh.

"No you're not!"

"Okay, no sleeping. But give me five minutes to just lay here okay?"

"How long is that?" Rita asks.

I close my eyes to think. How long is five minutes in Jakku time? What time do they follow?

"I don't know," I say. "It's just a short time though."

Rita lays her head on my chest. "I can hear your heart beat," she says.

I take a breath and sigh, resting my hand lightly on her hair.

"I can hear you breathing!" Rita says and I laugh lightly. "I can hear you laughing-"

"I can hear you talking too much when I'm trying to sleep," I say.

"No, you can't sleep..." she says softly, her breathing becoming deeper now. I move my hand away from her head and let it drop beside me.

"Rita?" I whisper, but she's already asleep. I close my eyes and let myself drift off to sleep too.


	16. Treemeal

"But I don't like it," Rita says, swirling her spoon around in her treemeal.

I take another big spoonful from my bowl and eat it. "It tastes fine to me."

Rita sighs. It's been three days of no school and the most fun I've ever had with a friend, the only fun I've ever had with a friend.

"Rita, I don't want to come back here and get you food later when you say you're starving, like you did last night after you skipped supper."

Rita frowns. "But it tastes bad." She blinks back tears and I can't tell if they're one of her dramatic acts or if she's really that upset about how it tastes. She probably just wants chocolate instead.

"Eat some or I'm not going to play rocks with you," I say. She quickly gobbles up a spoonful then pretends to gag before swallowing it down.

"One more bite," I say, watching her to see if she'll listen.

Rita takes another spoonful and swallows it, shutting her eyes tight and shuddering.

"Now can we go play?" she says, wiping her mouth. A few heads turn in our direction but I don't care. Master Snoke is gone for the rest of the week until the Elimination Games, Hux isn't talking to me, and for all I know I may not even be alive for very long if I lose in the games, so I'm going to spend all my time with Rita and I don't care who knows about it. Everyone else has been working in their teams on battle plans to take out other teams. My plan is to try and stay alive.

"Come on," Rita pulls on my arm with both her hands. I finish off the last bit of my treemeal then pull her bowl towards me so I can eat hers too. I stick my spoon into it and scoop some up. Something wiggles about at the bottom of her bowl. I look closer.

"What is that?" I say. Rita looks down.

"Ew... I don't know."

I stand up so fast my chair falls over behind me. "I'll be right back," I say, then storm off.\

"I don't know what you're talking about," Hux yells at me. He's sitting on the floor with Phasma in front of a large map of the Capital Ship's layout. They've got red x's marked and pathways highlighted. Hux's looks different, his hair disheveled and no longer shoulder length but shorter and hanging onto his forehead. Did Phasma give him a haircut? Somewhere in the back of my mind I wonder if they would have included me in their group if I hadn't choked Hux before the meeting a few days ago.

"What did you put in Rita's food?" I say to Hux.

"Nothing!" Hux glares at me from beneath his crop of orange hair.

"He was here with me all day," Phasma says. I look back and forth between them. I don't know why I care that they're spending so much time together, but I do.

"What was in her food?" Phasma says.

"I don't know, these little bugs or squirmy things."

"In the treemeal?"

"Yes."

"Those are treemites," Phasma says. "They sometimes live in the tree grain and grow if they're left in the sun."

"Is it bad to eat?" I ask.

Phasma frowns. "They have parasites. We should get her to a medic."\

Hux stands with me outside Rita's door as I wait for the medic to come out. Rita's grandfather is in there with her along with two other Masters who are channeling the Force for her recovery.

"I don't know why you'd even want an attachment like this," Hux says, crossing is arms. "Just ask Master to erase your memory of her and move on."

My stomach clenches. It's the same thing Phasma said. Are they right?

The door to Rita's room opens finally and the medic steps out. He looks surprised to find us there, then tries to step around me. Hux blocks him.

"What's wrong with the child?" he says to the medic.

The medic looks over his glasses at him. "She's having a difficult time fighting the tree mites in her system. Now if you'll excuse me."

"Wait!" I grab his arm. If he doesn't give me the details I'm going to force it from his mind. "Will she be okay?"

"It's hard to tell," the medic says. "If she responds to the medication and her white blood cells are able to fight off the tree mite infection then she'll make it through. But at her age it may not turn out well."

I let him go and look to Rita's bedroom door. I want to go in and see her but her grandfather and the other Masters are in there. A sick feeling stirs inside of me. She can't die.

The medic leaves and Hux stands there, watching me. I can't deal with this. I need a distraction and I don't care if I get into trouble for it.


	17. Back To Your Room

"Can we go back to your room?" I say to Phasma.

She puts down the book that she's holding titled 'Capital Starship Engineering.' The library was the last place I thought to look for her so it took me a while to find her. Now that I'm here my stomach is in knots.

"I think I've been reading for too long," Phasma says, rubbing her eyes. "Can you repeat what you just said?"

"Can we... go back to your room?" I say again.

Phasma looks at me for a moment. "You look terrible."

"Thanks."

"Is it the girl? Are they having a hard time killing off the tree mites?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

She nods. "Okay, let's go back to my room."\

Phasma's room is the same size as mine and Hux's and yet somehow it seems bigger and more open. She has sheer curtains on the windows and a red blanket on her bed. Candles line her window sill as well as the top of her book shelf. On her night table sits a milk jar filled with water and wild flowers. I could bring Rita some flowers to brighten up her room while she's not feeling well. The image of her lying sick in bed enters my mind and I cover my face with my hands. Suddenly it's impossible to breath.

Phasma takes my hands away from my face.

"It's hard to breathe," I say.

She pulls me into a hug and I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight. I'm glad she's not saying anything to me about attachments or why I'm stupid to have one. I hold back the tears that are pushing to come forward. Rita will be fine. There's no reason to cry.

Phasma lets go of me, then reaches down and pulls my shirt up over my head. I help her remove it. I'm taller than her but she's older, like Hux. She tosses my shirt aside then rests her hands on my chest. I stiffen.

"Relax," she says. "I'm not going to lay with you." She glances down over my bare chest and stomach, then up at my eyes again. "Come lay down. You look like you could use some rest."

I follow her to the bed and sit down on the edge of it. Phasma climbs into the bed and sits down behind me, setting her hands on my shoulders. I close my eyes at her touch and she begins to massage the muscles behind my neck, working her way down my back. I moan softly.

"Do you know why I don't follow Snoke's rules?" she says. I don't respond because everything she's doing feels so good I can't talk. "Because he wants us to break them," she says.

"Hmm?" I ask.

"I figured that out a long time ago."

"But," I clear my throat. "I always get punished."

Phasma moves back up to my shoulders and then slips her hands in front of me, down my chest. I sigh.

"Those aren't punishments," she says close to my ear. "They're just for you to become tougher. But you know what?"

"Hmm?"

"You can't train to become a heartless, ruthless leader."

"You don't think I can do it?"

"I know you can do it. But it's not something you train for, it comes from inside of you. First you have to stop being so..."

"So what?" I turn to face Phasma and she let's go of me. She doesn't' answer.

"So what?" I repeat. "So nice?"

Phasma smirks and I push her down onto the bed and climb on top of her.

"Ren-"

"What's wrong?" I growl. "You lay with all the other guys."

"No I don't!" Now Phasma is angry too.

"Yes you do." I clasp her hands above her head and she tries to push me off, but I'm heavier. A thrill rushes over me. Is this how Hux feels, when he holds me down and I try to push him off? I lower myself down onto her. Her body's soft and fits nicely with mine. Excitement courses through my veins as she squirms beneath me, trying to get me off.

"Stop it," Phasma says, pushing up against me and I almost moan. The thick taste in my mouth has returned and I don't try and stop the desire this time that builds fast. I'm done with pushing it away and ignoring this need all the time.

"Ren!" Phasma growls. "Get _off!"_ She yells the last word and I cover her mouth with my hand, holding her still with a Force hold so she'll stop fighting me. Now she can't move.

I rise off of her slowly and let go of her mouth. Her breasts heave as she breathes heavily, trapped in my hold. She closes her eyes, looking angry but defenseless. I sit down beside her on the bed, then set my hand to her neck and slide it down the front of her shirt where there's a space between her breasts. I stop just above her belt and look up. Tears fall slowly down Phasma's cheeks. I take my hand away and let her go of the Force hold I have on her.

She gasps for more air and sits up quickly, scooting to the back of the bed away from me.

"Why won't you lay with me?" I ask, my heart racing. Is this the only way I'm ever going to be close to a girl, by Force holding her? Am I really that repulsive? Why is everything I need and crave so wrong and always out of my reach?

Phasma wipes at her face. "How many times have I asked you to come back to my room?" she says in anger.

She's right. She's asked lots of times and I wasn't interested.

"I wasn't going to lay with you because I know you're different from the other guys," she continues. "Or I thought you were."

I get up, hating myself for making Phasma cry. I've never seen her cry before. She's the toughest girl I've ever known. My apology is caught in my throat and won't come out. I grab my shirt and leave.


	18. Now It's My Turn

_"The fear of loss is a path to the dark side."_

 _-Yoda_

"What do you want Ren?" Hux says, not looking up from the starship layout he's marking up while sitting on the floor. I close the door behind me then lock it.

Hux stops what he's doing and looks up.

There's a moment of silence, then I Force hold him into standing position and slam him into the wall. He flinches, his head hitting the stone.

"Ren..." he struggles for air.

I loosen my grip and he breathes. For years he's been pinning me to the ground, attacking me by surprise, forcing himself on me. Now it's my turn.

I walk over to him, keeping him locked and unable to move.

"Don't," he hisses as I move in close.

"Don't what?" I ask. "Isn't this what you want?" I reach my hand up to his temple. "Let's find out."

Hux tries to turn his head away but I don't let him move. "Don't, Ren... stop it."

I ignore him and set my fingers to his forehead. His surface emotions are conflicting. He's a mess of feelings that even I can't figure out. He tries to resist but I'm making him feel weak. When my breath blows against his neck it makes him shudder, his thoughts betray him.

"I can see what you're thinking," I say. My hand trails down to his chest and he lets out a staggered breath.

"What are you doing?" he whispers.

I stop, clenching my fist against his shirt. I shouldn't be doing this. They're his emotions, not mine, but they're so intoxicating. I had no idea I had so much power over him.

"I can feel what you feel," I whisper close to his cheek. Hux's reaction is instant and the heat rushes through the both of us.

"Get out of my head," he says, the heat turning to embarrassment. I step back, letting go of his thoughts.

"I don't feel that way about you," I say. "I can't... it doesn't work for me." He doesn't answer and I move in close again. "I'm your weakness, aren't I?" I lift my fingers to his lips and his breath catches. "Your feelings for me are the one thing you have no control over." I run my thumb lightly over his bottom lip and he closes his eyes for a second. "I like seeing you like this Hux, so undone, so at my mercy."

Hux turns his head away, his expression looking hurt for a second, then angry again, but he doesn't say anything.

I set my hand against his chest again so I can feel his heart beat, to remind myself why I'm not going to take advantage of his weakness, because his heart beats just like mine and we're the same. Except I'm stronger and I know that now.

Hux's keeps his eyes on the opposite wall, his expression still a combination of anger and hurt. We're more similar than I realized. He's trapped too, by intense emotions that he has no outlet for, just like me.

"Just because I have these strong feelings," Hux says, breathing deeply, "doesn't mean I don't still hate you." His bright blue eyes flicker to mine for a second then away again.

I smile a little, my palm becoming warm against his chest. "Just because I don't have strong feelings for you," I say in return, "doesn't mean I don't..." I pause for a moment to think. "Doesn't mean we can't lead the First Order together and rule the Galaxy." Hux's shoulders relax slightly. "I never had a brother," I say.

"And you never will." Hux pushes me away and I stumble to catch my footing.

"Do you always have to act angry and tough?" I yell. My hand feels cold, losing that connection with him.

"Get out of my room," Hux yells back.

I hesitate for a second then walk to the door and open it.

"Ren?"

"What?" I stop at the door. Hux doesn't answer right away and I wait.

"I hope Rita makes it through," he finally says.

"Me too." I leave and close the door behind me./

I lower my face down to my knees setting my palms onto the stone floor of the chapel. "Everything is falling apart," I whisper, struggling for short breaths. "Rita might die. I don't know what to do. She can't die. She just can't."

A breeze blows through the archway windows and a memory comes to me. The wind blowing on a sunny day back home. Mom and Dad and me having a picnic when I was little, the days when dad was still around. I see her smiling at a joke dad makes. They talk and Mom becomes sad again. 'Dr. Haymen was able to remove all the parasites but it was too late,' she says. Then suddenly the vision is gone.

I jump up from my knees. Dr. Haymen, the microbiologist that once worked for the Alliance. I have to contact my mom.


	19. As She Sleeps

"You've grown," Mom says, giving me a sad smile. We're at the control station where Dr. Haymen is scheduled to arrive any minute. The cool modern look of the terminal is a welcome relief from all the dusty ruins of the Old Academy buildings. Everything smells clean and new. There's not a speck of dust on any surface and the coloured lights of a nearby console make the place seem almost festive.

Mom reaches out to hug me but I back away. I don't want her to touch me, and it has nothing to do with Grand Master's rules. Mom frowns.

"You didn't have to come all the way here," I tell her.

"Ben," Mom puts her arms around me, pulling me into a hug. I stand stiff, not hugging her back. Why can't I just hate her the way I hate dad? It's easy to hate dad. But Mom makes me feel like I'm breaking into a million pieces. Finally she pulls away from me and looks up into my eyes.

"You're getting so tall," she says. "How's your summer going? Why don't you come back home? Your dad's away again and it's been very quiet at home."

"I want to stay here."

Mom sighs and takes a seat on the cushioned bench along the wall. "Do you want to tell me about this little girl?"

"No."

"Well, considering that we're using up our life savings to have the only nano-parasitologist specialist in the Galaxy rush over here I'd like to at least know her name."

"Rita."

Mom nods, watching me. She knows. I know she can sense everything about me, since we're both Force sensitive and she gave birth to me. She must feel how much I care about Rita. She must know I love her. For a second I want to tell her everything, that I was hurt when she sent me away, dumping me on others like an unwanted problem, that it hurts when she's always disappointed in me, and expects me to fail at everything.

I look at Mom as she waits for me to tell her something more about Rita. Should I tell her about the Games? Tell her that I love Rita and convince her to let Rita stay with us for the rest of the summer, and leave all of this behind, the Games, the First Order, Snoke, everything?

"You're too young for all of this intense training you do at the Academy. Maybe you should take next year off. If you don't feel you belong here-"

"I do belong here!" I say, anger rising again. "And I'm not too young or too sensitive or too out of control to study and do something important someday."

"Of course you're not," Mom says quickly. "Ben, listen. I'm not saying you're not capable, I just mean there's no rush in becoming part of an army or military group or growing up too fast."

Does she know about Grand Master Snoke and the First Order program?

"In battle people die," she continues. "Innocent villagers, teammates, captains and commanders. I just don't know if you're ready for all that, seeing as you're so concerned over one little girl-"

"She's not just some random little girl."

She's doing it again. She thinks I'm like dad, useless but worse, because I have powers like Uncle Luke and I'm still hopeless.

"I have to go," I say./

Finally everyone has left Rita's room so she can rest. Her grandfather was chanting with two other Masters in her room for a long time after Dr. Haymen completed the surgery, hours ago. The surgery was successful.

Everyone's gone now and I can finally go in and see Rita, but I've only been pacing in front of her door. I should let her rest. But I can't wait until morning, I have to see her, even if she's asleep.

I open the door slowly and look in. She's lying in her bed, awake and looking out the window. She looks so tiny and frail. Her head turns to me.

"Ren!" she says. Her voice sounds weak but I can tell she's excited to see me. She reaches her arms out to me and I hurry over and kneel down beside her bed to give her a hug.

"They left me here in the dark," she says against my chest.

"I'll light some candles," I say, letting go of her. "And don't worry, you won't be alone. I'll stay here all night while you're sleeping."

I open the night table drawer and take out some candles. I've got matches in my pocket and a chocolate square, which I brought just in case Rita felt well enough to eat. My fingers are numb as I set out each candle. Too much has happened. For now everything is okay, Rita made it through and she's going to be fine. But I can't protect her forever.

When I'm done lighting the candles I return to her bed and sit down beside her. She smiles.

"I told you that you should stay away from me," I say taking her hand. "That I might end up killing you someday."

"You didn't kill me," Rita says.

I frown. "I'm sorry I made you eat the treemeal." My throat tightens and I can't swallow. "You told me it tastes bad and..." I can't finish my sentence.

"I was only sick for a little bit. I'm okay now." Rita gives me another weak smile, her face looking too pale. "The doctor said all the tree bugs are gone and I can do whatever I want tomorrow."

I nod. I don't want to cry, but all the emotions of the last few days are making it really hard to hold back the tears.

"Don't ever listen to me again, okay?" I say, wiping at my eyes. "Or anyone else. You do what you want to do and what you think is best. Listen to yourself."

"Okay," Rita says.

"We can play rocks tomorrow if you want."

Rita frowns. "I can't find Mr. Rock." Tears fill her eyes. "I tried to tell grandpa but no one was listening to me."

"I'm listening," I say, wiping a tear from her cheek. "I'll look all night until I find Mr. Rock. And Mrs. Rock too and all their babies."

"They're not under the bed anymore." Rita's bottom lip quivers.

I lift her hand and kiss it lightly. "Don't cry okay? I know they're all okay. I can feel it. I'm very Force sensitive. If anything bad happened to Mr. Rock there would be a disturbance in the Force and I would feel it."

"OKay, but you just told me not to listen to you or anyone," she says, smiling slightly. I smooth back her matted hair away from her forehead.

"You know what? I do know where they all are and I'll take you there tomorrow."

"Okay."

"Rita?"

"Yes?"

"Will you be my little sister?"

Rita smiles a bit bigger. "Okay. Can you teach me how to fight with a light saber?"

"Sure. But we'll have to use sticks to practice."

"Okay." Rita's eyelids grow heavy and she closes her eyes.

"Rita?"

She doesn't reply and her breathing becomes deep. I watch her for a moment then I slowly move over to the foot of her bed to sit and lean against the wall. Once I'm settled I close my eyes and listen to her breathing as she sleeps.


	20. Summer's Almost Over

"Are you sure this is where Mr. Rock is?" Rita asks from behind me, sitting high on my back as I carry her through the forest to the large river.

"Yes, I'm sure," I say. The air is crisp and smells like the oncoming fall season. It reminds me that summer training is coming to a close and so is my time with Rita. I push the thought away. I hear the rushing of the river through the trees.

"We're almost there," I say to Rita. She's beginning to feel like a sack of potatoes on my back. I couldn't find Mr. Rock or any of her rocks, even though I looked everywhere. My cloak was gone too.

"Wow!" Rita yells in my ear as the rocky shore of the river comes into view. I kneel down to let her off my back. She runs over to the river's edge.

"Rita!" I call after her. "Be careful."

She crouches down to look at the rocks and I head over to join her.

"How are we going to find Mr. Rock?" she asks, looking up at me with big worried eyes.

"He's with his brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins."

Rita runs her hand along the stones. "Oh."

"And Mrs. Rock's babies are playing with all the other kids, swimming together." I point to the edge of the river where the water is shallow and there are a bunch of smaller rocks.

Rita smiles. "Yeah, they love to swim."

I pick up a rock. "Do you want a new friend?"

"No." Rita bows her head. She's still ghostly pale since being sick.

"I'm sorry you got sick," I say, swallowing a lump in my throat.

"I was happy when you made me eat the treemeal," Rita says.

"What? Why?" I try to look at her face but her head is still bowed down.

"Because that's what my Mom always does, and it reminded me of her."

"Oh." I think of my mom and how I didn't even hug her back when she came all this way to see me.

"And I know she loves me," Rita continues. "So then, you love me too."

"I do."

"What if she forgets me?"

"Your mom?"

"Yes."

"She won't. You'll be home soon. The summer's almost over."

"No. She's gone for one more month grandpa says."

I frown. "Well that's not too long, is it? And we have a week here together before I leave for my final training. Then that's only three more weeks until you're home again."

Rita tilts her head up. "You're leaving?"

"Just for a little bit. It might only be for a few days. I don't know."

"Then you're coming back?"

"Sure." I smile. "I'll tell my mom that I want to stay here at the school with my Uncle when he gets back. And I can be with you."

Rita jumps up. "Can you teach me to fight with swords now?"

"Okay, let's find some sticks."

She runs off into the forest and I get up too, to follow her.

The sun is high in the sky and it feels good to know I have nowhere I have to be any time soon. Master Snoke is off planet attending to some business, Hux and Phasma and the rest of the students are busy plotting each other's deaths, and Rita and I are free to do whatever we want. We search through brushwood for thick sticks that can withstand a fight.

"Look at this one!" I pick up a large stick that is perfectly straight. "This one's perfect."

"Can I have it?" Rita yells, reaching for it. I pull it away from her.

"I found it first," I say. "And it's too heavy for you anyway."

"No it's not!"

"You need a smaller one, like the one you found," I point to the stick she's holding. "What's wrong with that?"

She looks at it for a second then whips it in the air and slams it down on my hand.

"Ow!" I drop my stick and she jumps for it. I call the large stick to my hand with the Force before she can grab hold of it, something I've done lots with my toys when I was younger. It flies into my hand and I grasp it tight. It feels great to use my powers again.

"Now, you will pay for trying to take my sword!" I say, raising my stick into the air.

Rita squeals and runs away. I chase after her. She's quick, moving through the trees faster than I can, but I catch up to her anyway.

I scoop my stick in front of her to stop her from running away then wrap my arms around her from behind.

"You shouldn't run so much," I say, trying to catch my breath. "You're still getting better."

"I'm okay." Rita turns to face me, her breathing fast. "All the tree bugs are gone now."

"How about we both use the same size sticks and I'll show you some blocking moves?"

Rita nods her head. I let her go to look for two equally sized sticks that wouldn't be too heavy for Rita to hold.

Once we have our weapons I carry her to a clearing in the trees, where there's grass and no roots on the ground. Then I show her some basic stances and blocking.

"Good," I say as she blocks my attack with a counter move I showed her. I have an advantage, being taller but she's hard to catch, being tiny and quick.

"Quit rolling away," I tell her as she somersaults in the grass again. "That's not the proper way to fight."

"But you're stronger so it's better if I just get out of the way," she says.

"Okay," I say. "But what if you're trapped?" I block her and she smacks her stick down hard onto my hand again. "Ouch! Stop it!" I drop my stick and rub my hand. "Strike to the chest."

"But you'll just block that. And if I hurt your hand you drop your sword."

"But I can pick it up again."

"Not if I chop your hand off!" Rita raises her stick and I grab it before she can hit me again.

"I'm hungry," she says, letting go of her stick. Her shoulders slump.

"Come on." I drop the stick and lift her up into my arms. "Let's go get some food."

"Without any bugs in it!" Rita says.

"Okay, no bugs this time."/

"Ren!" Phasma barges into my room without knocking. I'm just finishing changing after coming from the baths, since I have some free time this afternoon while Rita is with her grandfather. I grab my shirt and quickly put it on.

"They're taking Rita," Phasma says.

"What?"

"Come on." She runs out the door and I run after her./

"The girl has to go back," Master Snoke says. "She's been sick and-"

"Her parents are still away," I interrupt. "She has no one to stay with on Jakku."

Master Snoke's face remains expressionless but I sense the irritation coming from him. He's postponed his meetings just to deal with Rita.

"She will be staying with a friend of the family, Oktar."

"No," I yell. "Where is she?"

"It's not your place to decide where she stays."

"Ren..." A whisper from the door catches my attention. It's Phasma, waiting out in the hall for me. She nods her head to the side and motions for me to follow her. She knows where Rita is.

I walk out of Snoke's office, not bothering to bow or wait to be dismissed.


	21. Broken

Phasma hurries ahead of me onto the cargo spacecraft that has its bay doors open. The workers unloading supplies ignore us as we walk past into the large open cargo area. Phasma points up to a balcony that runs along the walls where the offices are on the upper level. I'm so grateful to her, and I haven't even apologized yet, and yet she's still helping me.

We head for the metal stairs. They rattle as we run up the steps to the office door, where a guard stands. "No admittance," he says.

"Snoke sent us," Phasma challenges.

The guard looks us over. "No one's allowed in."

"You have permission to let us in," I say, trying my Force powers. The guard looks at me but doesn't say anything. I should have practiced Force mind manipulation like Master Snoke told me to. I try again. "Master Snoke just gave you permission to let us in."

The guard nods and steps aside.

Phasma opens the door and we both walk in. At first the room seems empty.

"Ren!" Rita squeals. She scrambles out from under the desk. I drop to my knees and she comes running into my arms. "I don't want to go back to Jakku! I want to stay here with you! Don't let them take me," she cries.

I want to tell her that I won't let them take her, that she can stay with me and be my sister forever, but the words won't come out. Phasma is right. Rita doesn't belong in our world. For all I know I could be killed in a few days. I'm not old enough to take care of Rita. She needs her parents.

"I'll convince them to let you stay here with your grandfather, okay?" I finally say.

"He's gone, he had to go," Rita says then begins to sob. I hug her again, my heart aching.

Phasma shifts on her feet, looking out the door. "Snoke is coming" she says in a loud whisper. "With Commander Garione and Commander Klein."

"Rita," I say, my heart racing. "I love you. I love you so much." I try to breathe. I have to let her go, like Phasma said. I pull back from our hug and look into her big hazel eyes. "When you look up at the stars at night, know that I'm on one of those planets," I say. She shakes her head no, her bottom lip quivering. "And when I'm ruler over the Galaxies I'll come find you and we'll rule together. I promise. And you'll be my little sister forever, or we can get married when you're older, whatever you want. Just don't forget about me."

Rita shuts her eyes tight and sobs, tears pouring down her face. "You'll... you'll forget... about me."

"No," I grasp her arms. "I won't. And at night, if you're lonely while waiting for your parents to come back just think of the ocean. That's how much love they have for you and that's why they'll never forget you and always come back. That's how much I love you."

Rita nods her head, taking quick short breaths.

"The time for goodbyes are over," Master Snoke's says behind me.

"No!" Rita screams, throwing her arms around me. I lift her up into my arms and stand to face Snoke.

"She doesn't want to go," I say, even though I know I'm not going to win this fight.

"There is no one here to watch after her," Snoke says calmly. "Her parents have asked for her to be returned to Jakku. We can't hold her here against her parents' will."

"She can't stay with Oktar," I say. Rita's little heart hammers against my chest and she grasps my shirt tight in her fists.

"Then perhaps other arrangements can be made on Jakku for her. But this ship is scheduled to leave and they are waiting."

"I could go with her."

"Her grandfather has given specific instructions to have you kept away from her." Master Snoke turns to the commanders at his side and nods to them. They walk forward and reach for Rita.

"Stop." I put out my hand.

"Ren," Phasma says. "Just let her go. The longer you drag this out the harder it will be on her."

I shake my head no, but lower my hand. Commander Klein steps forward and pulls Rita from my arms.

I let her go.

"No!" she screams, clutching my shirt tight. Her screams pierce my chest like a knife as I let Commander Garione unclasp her fists from my shirt. Rita's sobbing turns to whimpering and she gives up the fight. I can't breathe, or move or do anything. Phasma grabs my arm and pulls me along.

"Come on Ren, we need to get out of here."

A moment later I'm outside the room. I hear the office door shut and Rita's cries fade off behind the closed door.\

I hug my knees, unable to stand straight anymore. The chapel is cold and drafty. The scent of rain blows in through the open air windows. I hear the patter of the raindrops outside, while inside my mind all I can hear are Rita's screams. I thought coming to the chapel would help somehow but it hasn't. The pain is unbearable. It won't lessen. It won't let me breathe. It throbs on and on, unceasing, like the rain outside. It's too much. I should have never loved Rita. Master Snoke was right, attachments break you down. I can't take this anymore.\

"Please, Your Supreme Leadership," I cry, on my knees before Grand Master, my hands covering my face. "Please erase all my memories of Rita. I can't be with her, and I can't be without her." Tears roll down my chin and I hold back a sob. "I don't want to feel this pain anymore."

"You're very passionate Ren," Master Snoke says. "It gives you access to immense power. But it must be directed in the right way."

I don't respond and just listen, trying not to fall apart.

"Now you know how much attachments hurt. It was your grandfather's weakness as well, but I believe it does not have to be yours. You are not the only one disappointing me with your attachments. Brendol has to let go of his attachment to you, if he wishes to rule with the First Order. You will both come to me to have your memories of these attachments erased and I will keep a closer eye on you both."

I nod, trying to catch my breath.

"Eventually one must become broken and fall apart, my young apprentice, so that one can be put back together as a stronger, more powerful force, unbreakable."

I nod again, my chest and throat burning.

"Go, tell Brendol what I've told you. Come back to me when you're both ready to leave all of this childishness behind you and then you will face your final challenge in the Elimination Games."

I nod again, unable to speak. I stand slowly, every muscle in my body aching, and bow to Grand Master before walking out of his office, broken.


	22. I Know You Love Me

I find Hux in his room, sitting on the bed with Phasma. They stop talking when I walk in through the open door. I can tell by their expressions that they've been talking about me.

"Phasma I need to talk to Hux, alone," I say, not looking at her. My eyes stay on Hux, his bright blue eyes staring back at me. Phasma gets up and leaves. I close the door after her, then lock it.

Hux has a frown on his face and doesn't say anything. Phasma must have told him I just lost Rita.

"Tell me what you want," I say softly, my hand still on the door handle. My stomach clenches so tight it's hard to stay standing up straight, the pain inside of me so raw that I can't take a full breath. I don't know what Hux's attachment is to me exactly but if it's anything like how I feel about Rita then he's not going to be happy about what I'm about to tell him.

"What I want?" he says. "With what?"

"With me." I walk over to the bed and sit beside him.

"Nothing." Hux shifts over slightly, putting more distance between us.

"Grand Master wants to erase your memory," I say.

"What? Why?"

"He wants to take away the memories that have made you attached to me."

Hux doesn't say anything.

"He's going to erase all my memories of Rita, so I won't have to feel like this anymore." I swallow hard, fighting back tears. I could never have properly loved Rita anyway. I can only hope that someone, someday will. And I can never be the one for Hux either, in that way. He needs to forget how he feels about me, if we're going to be leaders together in the First Order. Master Snoke is wise. I should have listened to him in the first place. He said no touching anyone, but I held Rita in my arms. He said no attachments, but I let Rita into my heart. The sound of her screams in the cargo ship office come back again and I clench my fists. The pain won't stop. I need to make it go away. I need to feel something else, anything.

"Tell me what you want to do," I say, turning to Hux. "I got to say goodbye to Rita. I got to hug her and tell her I loved her." I hesitate for a second before continuing. "I know you love me."

"I don't!" Hux says. "I hate you."

I nod, tears rolling down my cheeks now. I wipe them away. "I hate Rita too, for making me love her this much."

Hux looks away, his shoulders tensing. "Can you tell Snoke to have your memories of me erased too?"

"Of you? Why?"

"Because..." Hux shakes his head. "Just..." He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. I've never seen him emotional, other than moments of anger. He's the least Force sensitive person I know, yet now he seems nervous and unable to say what he wants to say.

"Can I read your thoughts?" I ask. "Would it help?"

"No," Hux says. We sit in silence for a moment and then he says, "you asked me what I want..."

I nod, bracing myself for his answer.

"I just want to lay down. I'm really tired." His shoulders slump and he looks down at his hands.

"Okay." I say, get up from the bed so he can lay down.

Hux doesn't move from his spot so I sit back down.

"Do you want me to stay here with you, for the night?" I ask.

Hux nods.

I look at the bed, it's just barely be big enough for both of us. I suppose it's not an unreasonable last request to rest together, before he forgets the attachment he feels towards me. As painful as it was, I did get a chance to say goodbye to Rita before she was taken away, so I'll give Hux that chance too. I pull my feet up and lay down close to the wall to give him room to lay down too. I sigh as my head rests against the pillow. I'm tired too, very tired.

After a moment Hux lays down onto his back beside me. I shift the pillow over closer to him so we can share it. He scoots closer.

"Sometimes I don't understand you," I say. My knees are bent and they bump against Hux's.

"Do you promise you'll ask Snoke to make you forget... tonight?" Hux whispers. His hand brushes mine at my side.

"Yes." I say and he takes my hand, grasping it tight in a nervous sort of way.

"I'm scared," he says. I move my hand to interlace our fingers together so he'll relax a bit.

"Scared of what?" I look over at him and he quickly turns his head away. Am I embarrassing him? I look up to the ceiling instead.

"I'm scared of the games," he says. "I'm scared of how I feel about you." He sighs. "I used to tell myself it was just hate and I wanted you to suffer. But..." His hand relaxes in mine. "Never mind."

"I understand."

We rest in silence for a moment, Hux's hand warm in mine. I circle my thumb over the top of his hand, to let him know I'm still listening if he wants to talk.

"Snoke is the only one that didn't mind me being different," he says after a moment. "He said my struggles would help me become more powerful because they made me angry and strong."

I wait a moment in case he wants to say more.

"He said something like that to me too," I say when he doesn't continue. "About how uncontrollable I was as a kid. I was different too and had a lot of anger."

How many times did I unintentionally hurt someone because of my anger? That's the reason why I was sent away. And yet I never hurt Hux. Was I never angry enough at him? Did I willingly let him use me as an outlet for his anger, and for affection too in a round about way?

I glance over at him and see that he's smiling a little, a genuine smile that I've never seen before. It makes him look younger, like he did when he was twelve. I can see the freckles on his face this close up and his orange hair hangs into his eyes, making me want to move it off his forehead.

"Remember the Death Star we learned about in class?" he says, looking at me. I nod. He raises his hand into the air, taking mine along with it. "If this is the Death Star..." he says, holds his hands close together to show the size. "Then this, is how big my Death Star is going to be." He spreads his arms out wide, smacking me in the face with my own arm. He lowers our hands again. "Our Death Star."

I smile and turn onto my side to face him. "Are you going to call it the Death Star Three?"

"No." Hux turns onto his side too and holds my hand close. "I'm going to call it Starkiller Base, because it will be able to destroy entire planets, not just one, but five or six at one time." His eyes flash, sending a tiny thrill excitement through my veins.

"So you're going to just destroy the planets for fun?"

"Maybe."

"You could threaten to destroy them, if they don't give you what you want, instead of just destroying everything they have, you could make demands and ask for their resources-"

"We make a good team," Hux says, his eyes studying mine. He's silent for a moment then asks, "will you go back to hating me, after your memory is erased?"

"Do you want me to?" I say.

"It would be easier, for me I think."

"I'm sure I will. You've been bullying me since I was ten. So it shouldn't be too hard."

"I was toughening you up."

"That's what bullies always say."

"Well it's true."

"What happened in your life, to make you so mean as a kid?"

Hux shrugs. "I just want certain things. But I'm not in constant emotional torment like you are all the time. I'm just evil."

"That's true," I say.

"I don't want my memories erased." Hux frowns. "I don't want to bully you anymore. I want to just focus on ruling the First Order Together."

"Once we're out there, in battle and blowing stuff up and taking over the Galaxy, these feelings won't matter so much anymore." I look down at our hands clasped together and I think of Rita. A sudden wave of pain grips me, choking me. It was my fault she got sick and almost died and now her parents asked for her to be returned to Jakku, to Oktar, and it's my fault she'll be cleaning robot parts and he'll harass her. I squeeze Hux's hand tight. I don't want to forget her. I don't want to be separated from her. I let go of Hux's hand and cover my face with my hands, unable to hold back from crying.

"I'm sorry you lost her," Hux says. I pull the blankets over my head to cover my face. Hux doesn't say anything else and the sound of the rain falling outside the window reminds me of the way I felt earlier in the chapel, like this pain will suffocate me. It eased for a moment while I was talking to Hux, but now it's back stronger than ever. I have to have my memory erased or this will tear me apart. I'd go now, but Hux's final request was to have me stay with him for the night. And I know this isn't easy for him either.

I move the blankets off my head and get up. I need to go wash my face and stop crying. I climb out of the bed, breathing hard from crying.

"I'll be right back," I tell Hux.

"Okay," he says. His voice sounds different and I look over at him. He quickly covers his face with his arm and turns away, but not before I see how red his eyes are from crying. I sigh. Now I understand why attachments are forbidden.


	23. Blurred Lines

_Author's Note: The following chapter may not be to everyone's tastes. Skip the chapter it is out of your comfort zone at any point_

* * *

I wake to the warm sun shining on my face. I move out of its bright glare and look around me. I'm not in my room. There are book shelves everywhere and a star chart on the wall... I turn my head to the side and see Hux lying beside me and then I remember. He wanted me to rest with him before he got his memory erased. But now he doesn't want it erased. I wonder what Master Snoke will say.

Hux looks peaceful while sleeping. I turn onto my back and sigh. My body feels heavy and my heart aches. Rita... The pain comes flooding in again. Hux wakes, rubbing at his eye and stretching. I don't want him to wake up. I'm going to cry again at any moment, I can feel it building quickly in my chest.

He turns to me and looks confused for a second. I reach up my hand to his temple and focus. I want to read his mind. I want the distraction so bad that I don't bother asking for permission. I close my eyes and concentrate.

He's surprised to find me in his bed. He thought I would leave for sure after he fell asleep. His pain is strong too. He knows that I'll never love him. And there's something else too, something that isn't pain, and I focus in on that, it's a joy at having me here and finally letting himself feel the way he does.

"Ren," Hux says, pushing my hand away. "My thoughts are private." His cheeks flush and he looks away. I raise my hand again and lock him in a Force hold to keep him still, then move in closer.

"Ren, don't," he whispers.

I move his hair out of his eyes, my fingers brushing his forehead and I read his mind again. He doesn't resist anymore but lets me see anything I want. His emotions change, going from pain to peace then to pain again, then finally to what I'm secretly searching for, desire.

"Let me go," Hux says, even as his arousal builds. He glances down at my lips and a heat consumes him, filling me too. My breath catches.

"Holy galaxies Hux," I whisper, the intensity surprising me. Suddenly I don't know who's aching anymore, him or me. His eyes lock with mine, searching, wondering at what I think of his thoughts. I should let go of his mind now. But his emotions are so intoxicating, so much like everything I've been yearning for but always had to pretend I didn't need.

Hux's eyes glaze over with the desire that we're now both drowning in together. He looks down at my lips again, the hunger growing and I let go of my Force hold on him so he can move, but I keep my connection to his mind.

"Go for it," I say, knowing what he wants to do, aching to feel his thrill when he does it. My hand trembles at his temple. "I'll forget it all anyway. Just do it..."

He lifts his hand up to the back of my neck and runs his fingers up into my hair, gripping it tight, then shifts closer to me on the bed until our knees touch. I hold my breath as he closes the distance between us, then hesitates. I wait, closing my eyes, and then I feel his breath on my lips.

A loud banging on the door makes us jump apart. I'm up on my knees in an instant. Hux doesn't move to go get the door so I jump out of the bed to go unlock it.

Phasma is on the other side with a frown on her face.

"Thought I'd find you here," she says. "Snoke's looking for you and he's mad that you weren't in your room." She glances past me to the bed. "You'd better put your cloak on and pretend you were wandering the forest all night. He's mad at Hux too."


	24. Goodbye Rita

"I have to do one more thing before I get my memory erased," I say to Phasma as we walk down the hall to Snoke's study. Hux gives me questioning look. "Just tell Master that I was at the baths and I'm getting dressed and I'm on my way."

Phasma nods and Hux frowns. I hesitate before leaving, wondering what I should say to Hux before he goes in. I set my hand on his shoulder for a second then walk away.\

"Grandfather," I whisper, kneeling on the cold stone floor of the chapel. "I'm not doing very well in my training." I swallow hard, then take a deep breath. "I let myself have an attachment." I think of Rita and my chest tightens. "I'm not strong like the others, like Hux..." Then I remember all the insecurities I saw in Hux's thoughts. In a way they make him stronger, because even though he has doubts he never lets them hold him back, and even though he has strong desires he doesn't let them get in his way or break him down, until now. But it was my fault, for invading his thoughts.

I sense a stirring of the Force inside of me, the Force that's in everything around me, the forest and the animals, the Masters and the students, and Phasma and Hux. I've upset the balance in so many ways.

"I'm sorry I made Phasma cry," I whisper, not to Grandfather now but to the Force that's alive inside of me. I need to do this confession, for myself, not for Snoke. He'll invade my thoughts soon enough, but for now they're still my own, they're my mistakes, my pain, my regrets. "I treated her the way all the other guys do. And I went into Hux's thoughts when he told me not to, just so I could feel his desires. This isn't me. I don't know why I did it. But even when I hated him... he was still the only one that wasn't scared to be close to me. And I liked the contact... I feel a connection to him, I just... I just don't want to feel anything at all. I don't want to love anyone or need anything from them. All I want is to know Rita will be safe and not left with Oktar." I shut my eyes tight and tears roll down my cheeks. "Please, I just need to know she won't be left with him."

A fluttering of wings makes me jump and I look up at the window. A forest bird settles onto the stone window sill, letting out a loud caw. It turns its head to the side to look at me then flaps its wings in a flurry and flies away again. The clatter of something falling to the ground echoes in the chapel. I get up off my knees and walk over to see what the bird dropped.

It's a rock. I reach down and pick it up.

It's Mr. Rock, Rita's markings on it for his eyes and mouth still there. I grasp it tight in my hand and a peace washes over me. She'll be okay. ' _All things work for good, for those who are called according to the Force.'_ The Jedi Mantra comes to mind. I believe I'll see Rita again. I know I will. I don't want to forget her, ever, no matter the pain it causes. And I don't want to forget my night with Hux either, even though I promised him I would. I want to keep all my memories.

"Thank you," I whisper, then rush out into the sunlight.\

I run into Snoke's office and find Hux standing very still in front of Snoke's desk.

"Sorry I'm late," I say, catching my breath. Hux doesn't move and I realize he's locked in a Force hold by Snoke.

"So nice of you to come," Master Snoke says.

My heart pounds in my chest. "I don't want to forget," I say quickly, getting right to the point. "I want to remember everything, so I'll never forget how much pain attachments can cause, so I'll be more careful in the future." I bow to Master Snoke. "I want to remember Rita and... this summer with Hux."

"That's not for you to decide," Master Snoke says calmly. "And you will address me as Master."

I glare up at him and stand straight. "These memories, _Master_ , are my own and I want to keep them. I've changed my mind about having them erased."

"Are you challenging me Ren?"

"No..."

A stabbing pain pierces my head and I shut my eyes tight, falling to my knees.

"Grand Master, stop," Hux says. Then I hear him cry out in pain beside me.

"This pain, you will never forget. Your attachments, you _will_ forget," Master Snoke says. "I can make you great, and I can also destroy you. You will learn to respect your Master."

I fight to hold on to my memories of Rita, her hazel eyes, so excited when I surprised her with all the rocks from the river, her death grip hugs, how pretty she looked in a dress at the chapel where I finally found her. But they slip from my mind, one by one, only the emotions remain, the worry that gripped my chest when I thought she was missing, the pain that pierced my heart when she was taken away, the love I felt whenever she rested in my arms. The moments fade away, all the times we spent together, her smile, her cry, her warmth.

 _No..._ I promised her I would never forget her. I promised...

 _Goodbye Rita..._


	25. Goodbye Hux

I blink and my vision clears. The pain in my head slowly eases and I look up. I'm in Master Snoke's office. His desk is in front of me and I'm on my knees. I turn slowly, my head aching when I move it. Hux is beside me, his hands covering his face. He's crying.

"Hux?"

I look up and see Grand Master with his hand outstretched. What's he doing? I put my hand on Hux's shoulder and concentrate on his thoughts. Grand Master is shaming him and tearing his emotions apart. He's being tormented in his mind.

"Stop it," I say softly. I want to yell but don't have enough energy. ' _Let him go!'_ Grand Master's hold wavers and Hux takes a few quick breaths.

 _'He's being punished_ ' Master says to my mind, ' _for his unclean thoughts.'_

 _'They're his thoughts'_ I reply ' _He has a right to his own thoughts.'_

 _'Not under my rule.'_

Suddenly Hux's memories surface, all the moments of his attachment to me. They're taken away, the first time Hux met me, when he sensed my power and it made him angry. That's when his attachment started. I fascinated him and he wanted to be like me. The vision of me smiling at him, then Hux pushing me just to have a reason to touch me. The memories slip away fast, all the times he held me down on the ground to threaten me, spilled my food at meal times, startled me in my sleep, played tricks on me. Then more private moments like the sleepless nights he fought to not give in to his intimate thoughts about me. They're all taken, but not before I see them all. Snoke leaves only memories of jealousy, anger, rivalry and hate.

I catch one last memory from being stolen, us laying together talking about Hux's plans to make the largest Death Star ever. Snoke tries to take that memory too but Hux collapses to the ground, unconscious, his mind now out of reach. Snoke turns his attention to me and I know he's going to take all I just saw away too. I have no strength to stop him. When it's all gone I fall forward to the ground beside Hux and everything turns dark.\

"I hope this headache goes away by tomorrow," I say to Phasma, who's visiting me in my room. I'm not exactly sure why she's visiting me and it's a bit awkward. She also looks sad, which I'm not used to seeing either. "Is there something you're not telling me? Am I dying?"

"No," she says, smiling a little.

I sit up slowly, the movement making my head throb. "I still don't understand what I'm sick with."

"You're not sick exactly."

"Easy for you to say," I groan. "So are you and Hux ready for the Elimination Games?"

"He's been sick too."

"Oh."

Good, he's the first person who will try to kill me in the games, and he's smart so I have to watch out for him. Although I do have Force powers and I could choke hold him until he runs out of air...

"Phasma?"

"Yeah?"

"Before the Elimination Games announcement in Markin Hall, did I Force choke Hux?"

"Yes."

"Why did I do that? I don't remember."

Phasma hesitates. "You were trying out your powers. Snoke told you could use your powers again and Hux made you mad about something."

That doesn't seem like me, but I can't remember. "But Grand Master never gave me permission to use my powers, just to read minds."

I try to remember what happened that day, or the day before that, but it only makes my head hurt more. The only clear memories I have are of being in classes, and an anxious feeling of wanting the day to be over so I could go do something else, something I was really looking forward to doing, but now I don't know what it was.

"Stop," Phasma says.

"Stop what?"

"Stop trying to remember. They're all gone, all those memories from this summer, you won't find them."

"What do you mean?"

"Snoke erased your memory, of most of the stuff that happened over the summer."

"He did? Why?"

"Because he believed it was affecting your training."

I sigh and lay back down. "Then he had a good reason." I look at Phasma. "Do you know why he deleted my memories?"

Phasma doesn't say anything and I sigh. "Did he say how long I'll be sick for?"

"You're not sick," Phasma says. "Just get up."

"But I feel it in my chest and stomach. I'm nauseous and sick."

"That's just heartache and emotional trauma. You just don't know why it's there."

Now I'm worried. "Did my mom die?"

"No." Phasma gets up from the edge of my bed. "I'm going to check on Hux. Believe it or not he's doing way worse than you."

"Good. I'm glad he's suffering for once."

"Don't say that."

"Why not? He hates me and enjoys making my life miserable."

"Just try and be friends in the Elimination Games."

"Are you serious?"

"Let's keep all three of us alive, okay?"

"If I don't kill him first he'll kill me."

"No, he won't."

I look away, frustrated by her stupid comments. I don't want to talk to her anymore. But she's right about the memory thing, my headache isn't too bad until I try to remember things, then it gets terrible. But now that I know the memories were taken for a reason I can just leave them alone. Grand Master knows what's best for me.

Phasma leaves through my open door and I get up to go close it. A clanking sound catches my attention and I look down. A smooth is on the floor, it fell out of my pocket. I pick it up. There are some markings on it. A strong emotion grips my chest and I recognize it right away, attachment.

I set the rock down. Does it have some sort of spell on it? How did it get into my pocket?

My head hurts again. It must be one of the things I was supposed to forget. But I won't get rid of the rock just yet. I pick it up again and put it into my pocket. If Hux is feeling worse than I am then I may have a chance at winning in the Games. I'm going to win, but it won't be easy. Grand Master said I'll be the leader someday, and I think that the day is coming soon. I don't care if Hux lives or dies, and no one will miss me if I die. I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I go to my dresser and take out a change of clothes. Tomorrow night the games start. But first I have to do some planning and practicing.


	26. No Turning Back

My eyes pinch at the glare from the dark blue crystal around Hux's neck. It makes my chest hurt and my head pound. I take a step back and the pain eases. I came to the library to look for Master Garione, who usually writes in the afternoons at the library, to ask him some questions about the Games, but Hux found me first. The library is empty except for us, the only sound that of the afternoon rain against the stained glass windows high above us. Hux moves closer and I back up.

"What is that?" I ask, glancing at the crystal again.

"Something that came at a high price," Hux says. "But was totally worth it." I keep backing away until I hit the back of a desk and stop. Hux grins. Did Snoke give him the crystal? To level out the playing field for the Games since I'm Force sensitive?

Suddenly Hux lunges forward at me and grabs my neck. I shut my eyes tight against the pain.

"Not so tough now, are you?" Hux says. I try to swallow but can't. I grasp his hands with both of mine but can't loosen his grip. The crystal makes me weak, and not just my Force powers, but all of me.

"Please..." I try to talk but Hux is gripping so tight I can't breathe.

"How does it feel Ren? To be choked? Not so fun is it?"

"Stop it!" Phasma's voice echos through the empty library. Hux's grip loosens as he looks over his shoulder. He lets go and I collapse to the ground.

"We have to stick together," Phasma says, walking up to Hux. "Or we'll die in the Games."

"Isn't that the point?" Hux replies. "To kill each other and be the last one standing?"

I can't get up and stay curled up on the floor by Hux's feet. It's not just the crystal that's draining my energy, Hux using it against me hurts, even though it's something I should have expected from him. But I've known him since I was ten. Despite my Force powers I wouldn't have killed him in the Games. But now, I might have to, in self-defence, if he doesn't kill me first.

"The point is," Phasma says to Hux. "To be one of the last _twenty five_ standing. We need each other."

Her words bring back a memory. Hux said the same thing to me in the forest when he attacked me and held me down, 'we need each other Ren.'

"I don't need anyone," Hux says.

"Do you really want to lead the First Order with those other useless classmates?" Phasma continues. "Wouldn't you rather it be us?"

Hux doesn't answer. Phasma kneels down beside me and helps me sit up.

"Put the damn crystal away Hux."\

"You have one day to familiarize yourself with the layout of the ship," Commander Klein says. "Report to the gathering space on board to be assigned your quarters for the night, and in twenty-four hours Master Snoke will make the opening announcements for the Elimination Games to begin."

I shift my bag on my shoulder. Now that the Games are officially starting I feel alive and ready to fight. The 'heartache' emotions, as Phasma put it, have settled down a bit since I don't remember what they're for, and now there's room for other emotions like excitement. I'm happy Hux and Phasma are on my team. The rest won't stand a chance. I glance over at Hux. He's standing beside me, his blue eyes deep in thought and staring ahead.

I look up at the night sky. The Capital Starship looks small from down here but I know it's as large as a city. Commander Klein continues talking and I glance around at all the faces. I'm glad I never took the time to get to know them, but it still gives me a sick feeling to think that I have to kill them.

"Line up," Commander Klein shouts. "In single file."

Phasma grabs my arm. "You ready for this?" she whispers.

I nod and we get into position, Phasma first, then Hux, then me.

"Once you cross these gates," Commander Klein continues, "there's no turning back. If you want out, now is the time to walk away."

There is a moment of silence as the students look around at each other. No one moves to leave.

"Anyone?" Commander Klein asks. He waits another moment. "Good, now get moving."

The line begins to move ahead slowly, as each student is patted down and checked for weapons then made to walk through a metal detector. Hux glances back at me over his shoulder.

"I'm fine," I whisper and he faces forward again. I've been having trouble with my Force powers ever since Hux brought out that crystal but I'm sure I can handle lifting a small object like a small phaser blaster.

It's Phasma's turn to go up. She raises her hands for the pat down and her bag is taken by two officers to be checked. I watch as she is sent through the metal detector then stops on the other side to wait for us. Hux is up next. They take his bag and my heart begins to race. I reach under my cloak for the small blaster I have hidden.

"Don't touch that!" Hux yells at one of the officers who is checking his bag. All eyes are on Hux and the guards at the gate. I slip the phaser down to the ground using my Force powers, then move it forward, hovering just above the ground and away from the lights and people. Hux continues to argue with the guards and making a scene.

"It's not a weapon. My grandfather gave it to me," he shouts. I move the phaser away from the metal detectors and around the field towards Phasma. She quickly grabs for it when it reaches her.

"It will be in your room at the school when you return," Commander Klein says, stepping in to deal with the commotion and taking the knife from the officers.

Hux gets shoved through the metal detector and he grabs his bag, following after Phasma as they head for the shuttle. Now it's my turn. My shoulders relax and my heart slows. It worked. Phasma go her phaser.

I step forward, the metal detector gate in front of me. There's no turning back now.


	27. Food, Water and Sleep

The door to my bedroom quarters swishes open and I smile. The Capital starship is a first class vessel. All the rooms and hallways and the mess hall, that we toured briefly before getting our room assignments, have a modern design. The ship even smells new, the windows are spotless and the carpets clean. Five students walked away before going through the metal detectors so now we're down to seventy-five. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

I step inside my new room and the door slides closed behind me. The first thing I notice is the bed. It's larger than the ones at the school and the blankets look brand new. A long window runs around half of the circular room showing the stars and the colourful gasses of outer space.

Two comfortable looking lounge chairs sit opposite my bed with a small table between them that has a reading lamp on it. I walk over and set my bag down on one of the chairs. I think the drawers are built into the walls but I' not sure how to open them. I run my hand along the sleek detailing of the walls, trying to find a button to push or something.

As I walk around the room slowly a door hisses and opens, startling me. It's so perfectly hidden in the wall that I didn't even notice it was there. I step inside. It's a lavish washroom with a walk-in shower and a spacious sink that has a mirror above it. I look at myself in the mirror.

The school has no mirrors and I haven't really seen myself clearly in a reflection for a long time. Mom was right. I have grown. And my hair is longer now. I run my fingers through it. I'm definitely going to take a shower. My black hair and light skin make me look so melodramatic, so different from Hux, with his light orange hair and bright blue eyes. He's better looking than me, and stronger, meaner. He doesn't have weaknesses like I do.

I turn away from the mirror and begin to undress. The room temperature is perfectly regulated and the ship hums with power. There's not one speck of dust or dirt. I smile. This is where I'm meant to be, not the rustic buildings of an old Jedi school where dust covers everything, and not the forest, with all the animals. I can feel my Force powers returning, growing stronger.

After the games there will be no more on planet training. The remaining twenty-five will fly to another star system where Master Snoke wants to begin the preliminary building of a new super weapon and finish construction on the First Order Military Base. Hux says that the person appointed General for the First Order after the games will be overseeing a new Stormtrooper army. I think he wants to be General, if he doesn't get to be the leader, which I know he won't be.

The hot water in the shower is heavenly. I'm glad that I will either die here on this ship or continue on, never to see the Jedi School again. The thought of ever returning there makes me nauseous. I know I've suffered too much there and I know that Snoke took most of it away so I wouldn't remember. I suppose I should be grateful to him. Yet in a way I wish I knew what was taken from me.

After a long shower I take a seat in one of the lounging chairs with just a towel wrapped around my waist, glad to have a room to myself. I take out my comm unit to look over the rules of the Game. There aren't any specifications on how to actually play the game and kill other opponents, other than no weapons allowed, so that must be up to us.

I skim through the details. We get seven hours of sleep time. During sleep hours the Game is on pause. The doors to our quarters open for exactly 2 minutes between 01:00 hours and 01:02. Before and after that time the doors are locked and unavailable, except for the two minutes we get to exit the room in the morning between 08:00 to 08:02. I sigh. If you miss your door times you get locked out in the Game for the entire night. So can we stay locked in our room all day if we miss the morning door opening times? The idea of being locked in my room makes me restless.

I get up and try unlocking the door. It slides open to reveal the dimly lit hallway. My shoulders relax. Now I'm too unsettled to sleep, and I'm starving because I wasn't able to eat supper before the shuttle came to get us, I was too nervous. I close the door and get clothes from my bag. I'm going to get some food.\

The evening power-saving lights that run along the carpeted floor close to the ground, light the way as I walk through the empty halls . I feel safer in the dim lighting of the ship than the bright lights of waking hours, that were on when we first arrived.

I walk past the doors of other rooms but don't hear anything inside. The silent halls remind me of the dream I had about being alone on the starship and everyone else dead, except for Hux and Phasma. Now I wish I knew where their rooms were. But we got separated during room assignments. Everyone was randomly placed in sections all over the ship, only five or so in each section, probably to encourage the whole 'no teamwork' policy and 'each to himself.' We decided to go along with the room assignments for now and regroup tomorrow. The official opening of the Games is tomorrow night, which doesn't make sense to me since there's only three hours after the announcement before the evening door time. But a lot can happen in just three hours. The dim purple lighting of the Mess Hall up ahead make my shoulders relax. I made it, and I'm hungry.

"Ren?"

I jump at the sound of my name.

"Hux?" I turn to see Hux balancing an armload of food containers. "What are you doing?"

"Getting food."

"That's a lot of food for one night."

"It's not just for one night. Go grab three bags of bread and follow me."

I nod and go look for the bread.\

"They don't have meal breaks during the day," Hux says, setting the containers down onto the ground in his room. He pushes a spot on the wall and a door opens to a refrigerated food storage compartment. I take the bread over to him.

"The red group is planning to siege the mess hall," he says.

"The red group?"

"That's what I call them. They're the largest. There's twenty of them and they all want to survive." Hux piles all the containers neatly into the refrigerator. "I heard them talking. They're planning on attacking those with smaller groups or who are on their own, when they go for food."

Hux finishes stacking the containers then gets up. "I'm going to poison the food that's available and then break all the food synthesizers."

"What?" I look at him.

"You want to kill each classmate one by one with your bare hands?"

"No…"

"They'll figure it out soon enough. I brought some contaminated treemeal with me."

"What's that?"

"It's got treemites. I'm going back to get some containers of water. Come and help me carry some."

"We have water in our rooms and in all the washrooms on the ship."

"They'll all be contaminated by tomorrow night," Hux says.

"What if it kills everyone and we're the only ones left?"

Hux grins. "Then we're the only ones left."\

I set the water container down beside Hux's and sigh. It's our third round for water and we have enough to last us a month. "I think it's enough water," I say, stretching. I glance at the clock near Hux's bed. It's halfway through sleep time and if I went to bed now I'd get about four hours of sleep, at most.

"Tomorrow night you and Phasma can stay here," Hux says. I nod, my muscles aching. I frown, dreading the idea of walking back to my room through the empty halls, then staying there alone. The halls are so quiet it's like I walking past tombs. They will be tombs, soon. I glance at Hux. Would he mind if I stayed?

"I need to sit down for a bit," I say, rubbing my face with my hands. "I'll just rest in one of the chairs-"

"Take the bed," Hux says.

I lower my hands from my face. "What? Why?"

Hux drops into one of the lounging chairs and sighs. "I'm going to stay up."

I look to the bed. "Why, are you planning to kill me in my sleep?"

Hux smiles. It's so captivating that I smile too, despite myself.

"Sleep at your own risk Ren," he says, raising an eyebrow, his blue eyes turning to me. My stomach flutters as our eyes lock. I look away. I'm so confused. Why is he being nice? Can I trust him? Will he kill me in my sleep?

"Stop being so paranoid," Hux says. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No…" I say quietly, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Go for it." Hux nods to the bed. My breath catches. His words remind me of something but it's just out of reach. I don't remember what memory it is, but I remember how it felt, like… passion. It makes no sense but I know it has something to do with Hux.

My head hurts suddenly with a stabbing pain. It must be one of the memories Master Snoke made me forget. I walk over to the bed and pull the blanket aside then climb in, taking only my boots off before covering myself with the blankets and pulling them over my head. I don't want Hux won't see me. I don't want him to guess the stirring I feel inside that I don't understand. I know he hates me and that's fine. The alternative would be way too confusing.


	28. You And Hux?

I dream of a dark planet, made entirely of burning lava and black mountains. A flash of blue catches my eye and I look over to see two Jedi's fighting on the dark coals of a mountain side. One of them is dressed as a Jedi, the other in darker clothing. I sense he's a Sith Lord. He's overtaken by the Jedi Master, which surprises me, and lands onto the hot coals, his body igniting into flames. I look away, wanting to wake up but unable to.

Then I see a girl dressed in a long dress and pregnant, boarding a spacecraft with a gold-coloured android.

"Ben," someone says from behind me. I turn to see the Jedi Master that was fighting the young Sith Lord who burst into flames. The Jedi Master has light coloured hair and a short beard. His eyes are a striking blue like Hux's.

"Don't let him turn dark," he says to me.

"Who?"

"My grandson, Brendol."

"But..." Hux is already dark, not in the same was as a Force sensitive person would be, but he's not exactly the nicest person I know. "He's not Force sensitive," I say instead.

"He must never find out, that in fact, he is." The Jedi's blue eyes stare intently into mine. "Protect him."

I wake with a headache. Hux is still in the chair, his eyes closed and his head resting to the side. I'm not sure what to think of the dream, but now I feel unsettled and I need to get out of the room. It's already an hour past wake time and I'm not sure if we were supposed to report anywhere this morning. I get out of bed and head for the washroom. When I come out I find Hux still sleeping in an uncomfortable looking position in the chair.

"Hux?" I push on his shoulder. "Hux, wake up."

He opens his eyes, glazed over with sleep.

"It's morning," I say. He looks at me, lifting his head up.

"Ow..." Hux rubs the back of his neck.

"Do you want to lay in the bed for a bit?" I ask. "I'm going for breakfast."

Hux nods and gets up slowly. I feel rested enough after five hours, but I didn't have to sleep in a chair. Hux stumbles over to the bed and falls down onto it.

I open the doors and walk out, leaving him to sleep.\

The mess hall is a lot busier than I thought it would be, considering it's an hour after wake time. Food is laid out on tables at the back of the mess hall, in a buffet style, but I head for the food synthesizer instead.

"Where's Hux?" Phasma grabs my arm from behind.

I turn to look at her. "Good morning."

"Where's Hux?"

"In his room."

"Did you lock the door?"

"I don't know, why?"

"Five people were killed last night in the mess hall."

"What? When?"

"At around 04:30. People are saying it was you and Hux, that they saw you two there around that time. And now some of them want revenge."

"It wasn't us," I say. "But I left Hux in his room, sleeping."\

The door to Hux's quarters swishes open and Phasma and I step in. Hux is still in his bed sleeping. We breathe a sigh of relief.

"We should check if he's okay," I say, walking over to the bed.

"Don't wake him," Phasma whispers, following me.

I look down at Hux. He's breathing and looks fine, and he also looks vulnerable. Anyone could have walked in here and killed him, he's such a heavy sleeper.

"I didn't think the games would start until tonight," I whisper to Phasma. "I have to protect Hux, but I don't know if I can."

Phasma gives me a questioning look.

"Never mind," I say.

"Let's go out in the hall," she says. I nod and follow her out.\

"The Red team?" Phasma asks, sitting beside me in the hall, leaning against Hux's door. I take another bite of the egg sandwich I got from the food synthesizer in the mess hall. Phasma guarded Hux's door while I was gone.

"Yeah, that's what Hux calls them. They're the biggest group," I tell her.

"I think I know who they are." Phasma fidgets with her phaser in her hand.

"I'd put that away before someone sees it," I mumble through a mouthful of egg sandwich. Phasma clips it back to her belt and sets her shirt over it.

"I can't believe you two just missed the death match in the mess hall last night, by like only ten minutes. I'm glad we've got our own food and water though. That was a great idea."

I nod, finishing off my sandwich and grabbing my drink.

"So now we're at seventy players," Phasma continues. "And the Games officially start tonight. I know the rules are 'no hiding' but I really think we should hide out this first night."

"Phasma..."

"Yeah?"

I set my empty juice bottle aside, not sure how to say this. "Me and Hux, did we..."

Phasma waits for me to continue but I don't. I don't know how to ask her but she'd be the one to know the answer.

"You spent the night in his room last night," she says.

"Is that a question?"

"Sort of. Where did you sleep last night?"

"In Hux's room."

"In the bed?"

"Yeah."

"With Hux?"

"No I... Why would you ask? Hux hates me."

Phasma rolls her eyes. "Maybe a bit, because you're his competition."

"No I'm not, he's stronger than me."

"In a way, but you have Force powers."

"Yeah, Force powers that haven't been working lately."

"You just have to focus."

"It's not that easy."

Phasma shrugs.

"Did anything happen between me and Hux?" I finally ask. "Is that why I had my memory erased? I know there was a lot of emotional stuff, I just don't know what it was about."

I hold my breath, waiting for Phasma's answer. When she doesn't reply I say, "but I'm not like that. I like girls not guys. I don't understand-"

"Nothing happened between you two," Phasma says, not looking at me.

"Oh," I sigh. "Good. I didn't think so."

Phasma nods.

"Can I ask you something?" I say.

"Yep," she says, still not looking at me.

I rub my face with my hands. "Is it weird if I..."

"If you what?" Phasma looks at me now and I start fidgeting with the laces of my boots.

"Sometimes I feel drawn to Hux, but I can't really figure it out. It's so intense sometimes, like I'm desperate for his attention, or just want him to be close." I shake my head. "I used to avoid him and wish I'd never see him again."

"He's very charismatic," Phasma says. "It will make him a good leader someday. But he doesn't let anyone close to him. We're the only ones he tolerates to be in his presence." Phasma smiles at me. "And I can see why you'd feel confused. He is the prettiest teenage boy I've ever seen."

I laugh out loud.

"I think he's even prettier than me," Phasma says, making me laugh again. "I should have cut his hair shorter. I only ended up making him look more charming."

I groan and cover my face with my hands. "Stop... We have to stop talking about Hux."

"Don't take yourself so seriously. People in high stress situations feel more desperate for affection and comfort. That's all it is."

I lower my hands. "Hux doesn't feel desperate for affection."

"You'd be surprised."

I look at Phasma. "You and Hux...?"

"No!" She gives me an angry glare. "He doesn't like me in that way, _obviously_ since he likes you."

"What?"

"Nothing. Never mind." She sighs. "This would be so much easier if we weren't all teenagers, maybe a bit older and wiser."

"Do you think the others struggle with this kind of stuff too?"

"I know they do. I'm the only girl here, remember? Trust me, they struggle too."

"Oh." My shoulders slump. "Phasma, back when we were at the school... I shouldn't have-"

"You don't need to keep apologizing for that, okay?"

"Okay."

Suddenly the door we're leaning against swishes open and we both fall onto our backs. Hux looks down at us at his feet. "What the hell?"


	29. Flammable Gas - The Opening Ceremonies

"I went around and changed the default passcodes on some rooms last night, like this one," Phasma says as we walk into the lavish conference room. "Now only we can get in."

Hux takes a seat in the Captain's chair at the head of the table and I sit to his right, Phasma on his left.

"Can't others change the codes back?" he says, clasping his hands in front of him on the desk. The glass touch-screen surface turns on, illuminating our faces from below.

"You need the original passcodes to change them," Phasma says."I also got into the ship's computer last night and changed the admin access to my voice only. I don't know if anyone has noticed yet, but today we can set your voices as admin too."

"That goes against one of the rules." Hux smiles at her. "Good job."

"It might just get reset before the Games start," I say. Phasma crosses her arms and leans back in her chair.

Hux moves his hand over the touch screen table and begins to draw circles and write with his finger. "Here's what I know about the teams that have formed," he says, writing 'Red Team' on the screen and the number 15 beside it. "Phasma, pull up a map and mark the rooms you've changed the passcodes for."

"I thought there were twenty on the Red Team," I say.

"There were yesterday."

"The students who were killed last night were from the Red Team?"

"Yes."

"But they're a big group. How did they get attacked?"

"They weren't all together at the time. They were unprepared,"Hux says as he continues writing.

Phasma stops spinning her map on the table trying to get it facing the right way, and looks up at Hux. "It was you?"

"And now they're down to fifteen."

"You killed them?" I ask.

"No, but they were dumb enough to drink the juice I left out on the tables before they were attacked, so it probably wasn't very hard to kill them."

"You used the treemeal?"

"You remember the treemeal?" Phasma gasps, looking at me.

"What?" I say. "What do you mean?"

"No," Hux says. "The treemites take some time to work."

"Remember what?" I ask Phasma again. She doesn't answer and Hux continues writing, keeping his eyes down. He knows what Phasma's talking about, I can sense it, but neither of them want to tell me.

"What about you Ren?" Hux says. "Any ideas on how to kill off the rest?"

I sit back in my chair and sigh. "Yeah. We can make explosives and trap them in a room. We could carry around plastic bags in our pockets that we can use to put over their heads and cut off their air and suffocate them."

Phasma gives me a questioning look.

"I like the explosives idea," Hux says. "Maybe we can take out the entire Red Team at one time."

"Or you could blow up the meeting tonight and we just won't attend," Phasma says.

Hux laughs and I immediately smile at the sound of it. "I like the way you think Phasma," he says.

"We'd lose Master Snoke too," I say.

"Then we'll just lead the First Order ourselves." Phasma starts marking her map, looking angry.

"I don't think it's that simple," I say. "Snoke's the one who set up the First Order-"

"I don't know why you two are so scared of him." Phasma says, glaring at me.

"I do," Hux mumbles under his breath. He's frowning now. "And he'll foresee it anyway. You can't trap him that easily."

"Well, we can trap the others then," Phasma says.

I sigh. "I thought you wanted to just observe on the first night, instead of jumping right into mass murder."

Hux crosses his arms. "Hiding is against the rules."

"It's not hiding, it's observing," I say. "And you don't care about the rules."

Hux watches me and doesn't say anything. I pull my sleeves down over my hands, fidgeting with the fabric.

"I think that's a good idea," he says.

"What?"

"Pulling back and observing on the first night." Hux gives me a reassuring smile.

I sink down further into my seat and my cheeks start to flush, although I'm not exactly sure why.

"You okay Ren?" Hux asks, watching me even more carefully now.

Phasma grins down at her map and opens her message box. A second later a tiny message notification pops up in front of me on the table. "That charm..." it says. I quickly close it and sink down further in my seat, then kick Phasma under the table.

"Ouch." She laughs and Hux looks over at her. Then he looks back to me. "Let's talk about getting fuel for explosives."

"Okay," Phasma and I both say quickly.\

"There are no heroes here," Commander Klein declares. "Only survivors."

I glance around the gathering space. Not everyone has shown up for the opening ceremonies, only about half the students. Hux and Phasma stand on either side of me. I shift closer to Hux so that our shoulders touch. He steps away.

"Contamination of the food and water is now against the rules," Commander Klien says.

I look up to where Snoke is seated, behind glass, looking down on us with two other Masters dressed in dark cloaks. I know they're Sith Lords, I can sense it.

"Coward," Phasma whispers beside me, also looking up at Snoke.

"I guess we could have bombed the place after all," Hux whispers, leaning in close to me. I nod, thinking about what Phasma said, that he doesn't let anyone close to him.

The room goes dark and a projection of a planet lights up in front of us.

"The First Order, will be the greatest Force in all the Galaxies," Snoke's voice comes from speakers around us. "Keeping order and ruling over all."The hologram of the planet zooms in and shows a large military base stationed there, then moves through the various sections of the First Order Base and the Stormtrooper army training camp. It's a much larger army than I ever imagined. I suddenly feel really small. Could I lead the First Order? Was my mom right about me not being capable of such things? I glance over at Hux. His eyes shine with the reflection from the hologram.

"Bigger than I thought," I whisper to him.

He smiles. "Yes." His glance turns to me for a second then back at the hologram. "Don't worry, I'll help you."

My shoulders relax. Could Hux really be Force sensitive, like the Jedi said in my dream? Wouldn't he know it? Wouldn't I know it? Is that why I feel so drawn I am to him?

"Twenty-Five of you will rule the Galaxy with the First Order," Snoke's voice continues. A group of students shout out in victory, raising their fists into the air. Suddenly a vision grips me, their fists bursting into flames, like the Sith Lord in my dreams when he landed on the hot coals. The vision lasts only a second and I don't know what it means, but I know we have to get out of this room.

"We need to get out of here," I whisper to Hux, grabbing his arm. He pulls away, looking annoyed. "I had a vision."

Hux nods and reaches in front of me to grab Phasma's arm.

"What are you doing?" Phasma hisses.

"Come on," I say to her and we hurry to the door, but it doesn't open when we approach it.

"Ren," Hux says to me. "Use your Force powers."

My pulse races. I don't know how these doors work, or how they're wired so that I can move or change whatever I need to behind the control panel using my Force powers. I close my eyes and try to concentrate. Maybe I can just force it open without using the wiring. But I can't focus with Snoke's words echoing all around me through the speakers.

"What is that?" Phasma says. I open my eyes and see that she's pointing to the far corner of the room where a gas is slowly seeping in from down below as everyone watches the presentation .

"Hurry," Hux says to me.

"I can't do it."

Phasma fumbles with a pack on her belt and pulls out a small screwdriver. "Unscrew the panel," she says, handing me the screwdriver. The gas begins to make its way across the floor towards us. I start unscrewing the panel as fast as I can. The gas reaches our feet and my ankles begin to itch.

"What the hell?" someone says from the group watching the presentation. Everyone starts to look down at their feet. I take out a screw then start on the next.

"Found them," Phasma pulls out a small pair of scissors and I get another screw off.

"Give me that," Hux says, snatching the screw driver out of my hand. He wedges it under the panel and forces it off. Phasma pulls out the colourful wires and begins to cut some of them, making sparks.

"Be careful," I tell her as the smoke around us lifts higher. "I think the gas is flammable."

The red light at the top of the door panel beeps and turns green.  
The door slides open. Suddenly there is screaming from behind us. I look back and see flames igniting on some of the students' bodies. Hux pushes me out the door before a crowd of others come running towards it. They try to push their way out but the doors start closing again. Ten or so make it through before the door shuts, breaking off an arm of a student who was still trying to get out.

"Don't watch!" Phasma yells at me, but I can't seem to move or look away. "We need to wash this stuff off."

"Ren!" Hux grabs me by the shoulders. "Snap out of it, we have to get back to my room."


	30. Harvoth's Fever

Hux curses as he passes me the shower head. "Come on Ren, isn't your skin burning?" He pulls his shirt over his head. Phasma grabs the shower head from me and begins to rinse off. She's already undressed but I don't watch. Hux doesn't either. All I can see is the scared expressions on the faces of the students that were burning and couldn't get out of the gathering space in time.

"Here." Phasma hands Hux the shower head and leaves the shower stall, closing the door behind her.

"Ren," Hux says, waving his hand in front of my face. "Do you want to burst into flames?"

"It was the Sith Lords."

"What?"

"They were starting the fires."

"Well, it's still a flammable agent of some sort and it's burning my skin." He begins to undo his belt then stops. "Here," he reaches past me and opens the shower door. "Wait out there if you're not in a hurry to rinse off. My skin is itching like hell." He shoves me out and closes the door behind me.

I look up at the mirror in front of me. A red rash is forming at my neck, all the way around the collar of my shirt where I didn't rinse off yet. My skin does feel like it's on fire and suddenly it's all consuming, like burning acid eating away at me and stealing the breath from my lungs.

"Hux!" I bang on the shower door. "Hurry up."

"Pass me a towel!" he calls back. I grab one from the shelves and open the shower door slightly to toss it in. Little bursts of flames suddenly pop up on my arm, melting the fabric to my skin. I smack at them with my hand, burning my fingers. I pull frantically on my sleeves to get my shirt off but the fabric is stuck to my skin now.

Hux comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist. "What the hell?" he says when he sees me. He grabs the bottom of my shirt and pulls it up over my head, then yanks it off of me.

I cry out in pain as some of my skin goes with the shirt. There are more bursts of flames on my back. Hux shoves me into the shower and rinses me off with the shower head. I fumble with my belt, my burnt fingers hurting too much to be useful. Hux pushes my hands aside and unsnaps the clip in one quick move, then undoes the button at the top of my pants. He hands me the shower head.

"You're on your own now," he says and steps out of the shower.\

"Done." Phasma puts the panel on the door keypad back on. "This should keep the door locked, even if someone overrides the computer system. I have it hooked up only manually now."

Hux and I are sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall and eating some kind of cold pasta dish. We're both quiet. My skin still hurts but feels a lot better after Phasma put some fast working burning ointment on my back where I couldn't reach. I also burnt my arms and fingers but nowhere else, thankfully, and now they're numb with the healing cream. I used up all of it from the room's first aid kit, so hopefully we won't be needing more anytime soon. I glance at Hux beside me. He looks deep in thought.

"You were smart to bring food to the room," I say to him. Phasma walks over and sits down on the other side of Hux.

"Do you think they'll try to enforce the no hiding rule?" she asks.

"How?" I say.

Hux takes a breath to respond but a bleep sound interrupts him. It's the call button for the door.

"Don't answer it," Phasma says. The ringing goes on and on.

Hux gets up.

"Don't open it!" Phasma gets up too.

"I won't." Hux walks over to the door console and turns on the tiny screen. "Who is it?" he says, pushing the comm button.

"Please help me!" a voice comes from the tiny speakers. Hux leans down closer to look at the screen. I get up and join him.

"I just need clean water," the voice says. "Please..." I look at the screen. One of the boys from the school is staring into the camera, eyes wide with fear.

"How does he know we have clean water?" Hux says.

"It could be a trap." Phasma looks to me. "Can you tell if it is?"

I close my eyes and concentrate, setting my hand onto the door and reaching for the boy on the other side. My stomach tightens. "It's not a trap," I pull my hand away and shudder. "He's actually sick. It's Harvoth's fever."

"Then we could catch it."

"Please," the boy outside pleads. "I have white blood cell pills. I just need clean water."

Hux punches the numbers into the keypad.

"Hux!" Phasma yells, pushing him aside, but it's too late, the door opens. A dark haired boy topples forward into the room, his bottle of pills fall out of his hand and spill onto the carpet.

"What happened to you?" Hux asks the boy.

"I just need water-"

"First tell us what happened."

"My group contaminated the water with Harvoth's fever."

"All of the water on the ship?"

"Yes, but Master Snoke is aware of it now."

"Then how did you get sick? Didn't you know?"

"Hux..." I say, feeling bad for the boy. "He needs to take the pills right away if he's going to survive."

"The fruit..." the boy says, coughing. "It was washed in the water and I ate one. They gave me the pills, but wouldn't let me back into the team room for water."

"I'll get a bottle," I say.

"Phasma, grab a towel," Hux says.

When I return the boy is sitting up and Hux is standing behind him, his knees on either side of the boy's shoulders. He takes the towel from Phasma.

"Don't watch," he says to me then drops the towel on the boy's head. The boy starts to protest but Hux grabs him in a headlock and snaps his neck quickly with a sickening crunch. My stomach lurches. The boy drops to the ground, dead.


	31. You By My Side

"It was a mercy killing," Phasma says, taking a seat beside me on the floor. I know she thinks I'm being quiet because Hux killed the sick student, but it's not what's bothering me. It was only one death, our first killing, and the Games have just started. The reality of it all is only now dawning on me and I'm scared, not for myself but for Phasma and Hux.

"The two Masters that were with Snoke tonight at the opening ceremonies, they're Sith Lords. They're the ones that were starting the fires. It was all planned."

"I figured as much."

"I think Master Snoke is going to let me win, but I'm worried about you two."

"Well you were in that room when the gas was released too, weren't you? I don't think they're favouring anyone, but your Force sensitivity helped us. You knew we had to get out."

I nod. She's right. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, then glance at the clock. It's now 01:20 and officially off-hours for the Game. "I don't know if I can kill people, like Hux," I say to Phasma. "He's stronger-"

"No, he's not. Quit saying that. This upset him too, he's just better at hiding it. I think that's why he's not coming out from the washroom."

"I shouldn't make him do all the killing. But I know I would have tried to save that guy if Hux hadn't killed him."

"Jared wouldn't have gotten better fast enough to make it through the Games, even if the pills worked." My chest tightens at the mention of the boy's name. Phasma knew him. "And now we have white blood cell immune boosters which can help us heal from just about any virus," she says.

The bathroom door opens and Hux steps out. "Did you know the shower is also a decontamination chamber?" he says, walking past us. "It wouldn't hurt for both of you to use it."

Phasma and I exchange a look. "You go first," I say.

Phasma gets up and heads for the washroom. I watch Hux as he rummages through the refrigerator silently. I don't know how he can eat after dragging a dead body down the hallway. But I admire him. Phasma's right. It was a mercy killing and I wouldn't have wanted to watch the Jared kid suffer for the next few days, trying to heal while still in the Games.

I close my eyes and lean my head back against the wall. I've never been more tired in my life.\

"Ren." I hear Hux's voice and wake from an uncomfortable sleep on the floor. "It's your turn for decontamination."

I sit up and glance at the clock. I've only slept about half an hour. "I really don't feel like it," I say.

"Just go," Hux walks away and sits on the bed.

I sigh and get up slowly, then head into the washroom.

The decontamination process is slow and boring and the air is hard to breathe in the enclosed shower stall. I almost fall asleep a few times but when it's finally over I feel better, safer. If there was any chance I was carrying the Harvoth's virus I would have spread it to Phasma and Hux by morning.

When I step out from the washroom the bedroom is all dark. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust. I see Phasma curled up and laying across the two lounge chairs which are now facing each other and pushed together in a little bed. I guess she didn't want to share the bed with me or Hux. I look over to the bed. It's empty.

I spot Hux sitting on the floor, reading a small tablet in his lap. I walk to the bed and remove the blanket, then go put it over Phasma, tucking it in around her so it doesn't just drape down to the ground. She mumbles something but doesn't wake up.

"Hey," Hux says from the corner of the room. "What about us?"

My heart speeds up a little. "What do you mean?"

Hux doesn't answer and I'm way too tired to figure him out right now. The decontamination process drained all my energy. I walk to the bed and throw myself down onto it, then groan into the clean smelling pillow. All my muscles ache but it feels great to be laying down.

The light from Hux's tablet goes out but I can still see him in the dim glow from the stars shining outside the windows. He looks over at me but doesn't move from his spot on the floor. Is he uncomfortable sharing the bed? I really should let him have it, he slept in a chair most of last night. I try to get up but I just can't make myself move.

Hux gets up from the floor and walks away. I close my eyes. I'll just rest for ten minutes then I'll let Hux to take the bed and I can sleep on the floor.

A moment later I feel a blanket land on my back and I open my eyes. Did Hux just bring me a blanket? I roll onto my back to make room for him on the bed. He looks down at the spot beside me for a moment then finally sits down and lays onto his back too, keeping as much distance between us as possible, although it isn't much, since the bed is made to fit only one person. Hux has a light jacket on, which seems to me like it would be uncomfortable to sleep in.

"This game isn't right," I say softly. "Killing off other classmates that are training on the same side. We're not enemies. They're not a threat to the galaxy or to the First Order."

"They're a threat to my personal galaxy," Hux says.

"It's not the way of the Force."

"It's not the Jedi way," Hux says. "But the Force is in both good and evil."

"I don't know if I believe that. Maybe it can be used for both good or evil, since we are free to choose. But I think it's mostly a Force of life, not death."

"You sound like a Jedi Temple Master,"

"Would you two shut up," Phasma mumbles from the other side of the room. "I'm trying to sleep here."

Hux and I stop talking and he closes his eyes, letting out a slow breath. My body is exhausted but my mind can't sleep. There are too many thoughts running around in my head, but I don't want to think about any of them. A desperation grows inside of me, so strong it chokes the breath from my lungs. I sit up and remove my boots, throwing them to the ground. Then I lay back down, close to Hux so that our shoulders can touch. My heart beats faster and I hold my breath for his reaction.

"Don't you have enough room?" Hux says after a moment. I quickly shift down, moving as close to the wall as I can. I sigh and drape my arm over my eyes. I hate this. I hate feeling so desperate and not even knowing what I'm so desperate for. The pain in my chest almost breaks me down to tears. What's my problem? Hux is right here, beside me, even in the same bed as me. Phasma's not that far away either. I'm not alone. They accepted me in to their group. So why do I feel so alone?

I think back to being in First Order training at the school and how we learned about battle and survival techniques in our classes. I wish there would have been a class on this part, the part where you stop all the fighting to rest and realize that you're empty, and that the one thing you need the most seems eternally out of reach.

I take my arm away from my face and lay it beside me onto the bed, accidentally bumping Hux's arm. I look over at him. His eyes are closed and his hand is open at his side, palm up. Has he fallen asleep? I watch him for a moment then slip my hand over his palm and slowly interlace our fingers. He doesn't open his eyes but his hand moves in mine, his fingers clasping my hand tighter. I let out a slow breath that I didn't even know I was holding until now. It comes out staggered like I've been crying. I squeeze Hux's hand back.

He turns his head away from me but continues to grip my hand, pushing our palms together. I close my eyes. His hand warms quickly in mine, the heat filling every part of me. He's so warm, so perfectly warm. All my muscles relax and I sigh. Now, I can sleep.


	32. Jealousy Part 1

I wake thinking I'm back home again. At the Academy I could never warm up at night, the stone rooms always so cold and drafty, but now I'm heated through and through. I open my eyes and see Hux sleeping on his side beside me, his hand resting on my upper arm and his breath against my shoulder, warming my shirt. I close my eyes again, not daring to move.

The door call button bleeps suddenly, making my heart jump. I sit up and Hux's hand slips off my arm. He grumbles and wakes.

"Someone's at the door," I say to Hux. I glance at the clock, it's 08:02.

"What?" He sits up too, a worried expression on his face, his blue eyes hazy with sleep beneath his dishevelled red hair. We slept right through the night, the best sleep I think I've ever had. I didn't even dream. Hux eyes lock with mine and the worry in them disappears.

"Who's at the door?" Phasma says in a groggy voice. She gets out of her chair bed and throws her blankets aside.

"Wait!" I say.

"Don't open it," Hux adds.

"I'm not going to." Phasma goes to the door console screen. I try to get up but my feet are tangled in the blankets and so are Hux's. He pushes his hand against my chest to keep me from landing on him. Suddenly there is an explosion and sparks from the door. Phasma screams and jumps back. The door opens and two Stormtroopers storm into the room holding large blasters. I see another two behind them. Hux and I get to our feet.

"Sleep hour is over," one of them says, his voice mechanical sounding through his mask. He grabs Phasma by the arm and drags her out of the room.

"Hey!" she yells, trying to pull away.

"This door is not working," another one says. "Assign them new rooms."

"No!" Phasma yells from outside the door.

"Ren, grab water!" Hux commands as two Stormtroopers come towards us. I duck out of their way and grab a bottle before he snatches my arm. Hux lunges for the chairs, grabbing the phaser from Phasma's bed and quickly tucking it into his jacket pocket before anyone can see and the other Stormtrooper grabs his arm.

"Next time you resist we will open fire," the Stormtrooper says to him. We're shoved out of the room.

"Have this room permanently sealed," one of them says to the others. They nod and get to work. "Keep moving," he says to us, pushing Hux with his gun. I Force push him back and Phasma grabs my arm.

"Don't," she says quietly, pulling me along. "Come on."\

Maybe it will distract some of our opponents," I say to Phasma, teasing her. She gives me a death glare.

"It probably would," she says, covering her chest with her arms. We're in the ship's weapons room, one of the doors Phasma changed the codes on. She was hoping to find some armor or something to cover up with since she didn't have time to grab clothes and is now just in a white tank top and black stretch pants. But there are no weapons or armor in the large storage room. I glance at her tank top again when she moves her arms. The thin fabric shows her breasts underneath in way that makes my eyes wander back every two seconds. She didn't have time to put a bra on either.

"Why is it so hot everywhere?" I say, glancing at our only water bottle on the bench between us, needing to look away from Phasma's breasts before my arousal starts to become obvious. The water bottle is half empty now. We all had one drink and I'm still thirsty and hungry, but all the food synthesizers are broken and we don't know if the water contamination problem has been dealt with yet.

"Someone's messing with the environmental controls," Phasma says. "We need to get to the bridge where the captain's office is and the main controls are. I don't have admin access to the computer anymore."

"I think Snoke's taking over some control of the Games," I say, my eyes returning to Phasma's breasts again. "With the Stormtroopers everywhere and-"

"Here." Hux takes off his jacket and hands it to Phasma. "Put this on."

"Why?" Phasma asks.

Hux looks angry. "It's got your gun in it, so you should wear it."

She takes it then looks at me and smiles a little. "Oh," she says, then puts it on.

The sound of the door bleeping and sliding open makes us all jump up to our feet. Phasma reaches for her blaster but doesn't pull it out. A blonde haired boy, who I recognize but whose name I don't remember runs in. He looks about as young as me but I know he can't be because I'm the youngest. I can't understand how he managed to stay in the training course, looking as weak as he does and with such a small figure. He doesn't seem surprised to find us in the room.

"Master Hux, I'd like to join your team." He gets down on one knee and bows his head.

I glance at Hux. His lips curl into a lopsided grin.

"Master, huh?" he says.

"Yes, sir," the boy says.

Hux looks down at the boy.

"What's your name?"


	33. Jealousy Part 2

"My name's Caleb," the blonde boy says looking up at Hux.

"How do you survive Caleb?" Hux asks.

"By being smart, and invisible, and pretending to be on various teams at once. I'm the intel on Aiden's team."

"The largest team?" Phasma asks.

"Used to be."

"Is this a trick?" I say.

"No."

"Why would we consider letting you join the winning side?" Hux asks, walking over to him.

"Because sir, I've hacked into the ship's computer. I have lots of inside information about the other teams and I would help you win faster."

Hux looks at me. "Let's not waste our time. I need to know if he's telling us the truth before we believe him."

"If this is not a trick then you wouldn't resist having your mind read," I say to the boy.

He frowns. Hux nods to me and I step forward.

I stand beside Caleb, who is still kneeling, and set my hand on top of his head. I close my eyes and concentrate. His surface emotions are pretty straight forward, excitement and fear, and something else that feels like hero worship, for Hux. He doesn't resist my mind reading so I move in on his thoughts easily. I see the face of Aiden, he's the big guy that was best in physical combat training. I see the faces of his team members. They don't sleep in their individual quarters but have set up a base on board, where they have made explosives that they plan to use on the others.

I focus harder. I need to get to Caleb's motivations for helping us, something that is always buried so deep that even he might not know what they are. He did admit to pretending to be on everyone's teams so he could be doing the same to us. I get deeper into his mind. He believes we will win, but that's not the only reason he wants to help us. He's been fond of Hux for a long time, watching him for years and has been gathering intel for him to win his favour. I pull back from the sudden images that I see, of Caleb's more intimate thoughts. He's also scared of Hux. He saw him drag Jared's body out of our room last night when he was out spying for Aiden. But he's not scared of me.

One of his passing memories of me catches my attention. I see myself holding a little girl in my arms, a girl I don't know. He was also spying on me. I search his memories of me this summer. They are filled with images of the girl. I see myself smiling, walking hand in hand with her. She looks at me as though I'm her hero. Then I see me kneeling before her in front of the chapel doors and hugging her. I looks so happy, and then... so sad. Caleb cries out in pain and I know I'm taking too long, searching too much, but I have to know. Another memory, the hushed voices of a conversation, something about the little girl being sick, and her name was...

"Ren!" Hux pulls my arm off of Caleb's head, breaking my concentration. Caleb collapses to the floor and Hux kneels down beside him. "Did you at least get information out of him before you killed him?"

"He's not dead, he's just weak," I say.

"Is he telling the truth? Does he really want to help us?" Phasma asks.

"Yes."

"Why?"

I don't respond.

"Are you okay?" Phasma says.

I frown. "Tell me about the girl."

"What girl?"

I grab Phasma by the jacket collar. "The _girl_. The one everyone saw me with all summer but I know nothing about."

Phasma shoves me away from her. "It's not for me to tell. Snoke erased your memories of her."

Caleb groans on the ground and Hux helps him sit up, putting his arm around his shoulders in a protective sort of way. I clench my fists. Hux lifts him up and helps him over to the bench, sitting down beside him. Caleb holds his gaze and Hux looks both confused and intrigued at the same time.

"Caleb," I say, interrupting them. He looks at me. "What's Aiden's next plan of attack?"

He rubs his forehead. "Um... killing you guys. That's why I came, to warn you. But they don't tell me everything and I..." he cringes. "Ow... my head hurts."

Hux sets his hand on Caleb's back, tilting his head to look at his face. I Force push them apart so fast that I don't even remember deciding to do it. Hux seems surprised. I pull Caleb forward with my Force powers and he flies to me, my hand clasping around his throat. "I've read your mind," I whisper to him, coming in close so Hux and Phasma won't hear me over the hum of the ship. "Keep away from Hux or I'll show you exactly why you should be scared of me."

I pull back and see that his face is turning red. I quickly let go of his throat and he coughs, falling to his knees and clutching his neck.

"Ren!" Hux says. "Can we keep him alive for a little while at least?" His eyes search mine, as though he's trying to figure me out. "What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Is he lying to us? Does he want to kill me or something?"

"No, that's not what he wants to do with you."

Hux still looks confused but then his expression changes and he smiles slightly. "Oh..." He looks down at Caleb, his smile growing.

I frown, my cheeks flushing with anger.

"Well, we need him," Phasma says. "I want to get into the ship's system and turn off this damn heat!"


	34. Caught Cheating

"This isn't going to work," I say, crossing my arms.

"Focus, Ren," Phasma says, wiping sweat off her brow. The elevator stops and Hux and Caleb step out, then Phasma and I follow. Caleb's plan is to get the armor and guns from the Stormtroopers, which involves me using my Force powers against them, and then we get into Aiden's base and detonate their bombs. I can see a lot of problems with this, but whenever I brought it up during our talk earlier Hux ignored me.

"Are you sure they won't be at the base when we get there?" Hux says to Caleb as they walk side by side ahead of me.

"They're killing all the single players today, that aren't part of groups," Caleb responds. "They won't be back until sleep time, except for the two guarding the doors."

"How are they killing all the single players?" Phasma says.

Caleb doesn't turn around to acknowledge her but answers. "They're surrounding them and beating them to death. Then tomorrow they'll use the bombs on the groups."

"Why can't I just use my Force powers on the two guys guarding the base doors?" I ask.

"It's better to have the armor and guns from the Stormtroopers," Hux says.

Caleb stops walking and I almost run into him. Two Stormtroopers are coming around the corner at the end of the hall and heading towards us. Hux and Caleb move out of the way, making room for me. It's my turn.

"No groups allowed," one of the Stormtroopers says. I stretch out my hands towards them, my heart pounding. This has to work.

"You're tired," I say, "very tired. So tired that you're going to fall asleep." My heart beats even faster. "So tired that you're going to fall asleep right now and stay asleep until tomorrow." I stop, waiting. There is only the sound of my breathing. Phasma and Hux don't move. Caleb fidgets with his fingers. If I get this wrong I could get us all killed. The Stormtroopers begin to move and for a second I think they're going to shoot us, but their guns drop and they fall to the floor in a clatter of armor.

"Nice!" Hux pats me on the back and I let out a sigh of relief. "Ren, you do lookout on one end of the hall and Phasma you on the other."

Phasma and I exchange a glance but don't argue. I crouch down to the Stormtrooper whose armor Caleb is dissembling, and I take the blaster.

"Hey!" he says. I ignore him and walk down to the end of the hall to keep watch.\

"Why do we keep getting stuck with being back up?" I whisper to Phasma as we stop at the end of the hall before turning the corner. Hux and Caleb march ahead in their full Stormtrooper armor, carrying the blasters.

Phasma sighs. "I don't like this."

"Me neither."

"A weapon can always get used against you if it gets into the enemy's hands."

"Well they won't need to use their weapons," I say. "They're telling the guys out front that they're checking the room for anyone hiding-"

The sound of blaster shots echo down the hall along with cries of pain. I run ahead. The boys at the door are dead but Caleb is still shooting. Hux reaches his hand out and grabs his arm. Caleb stops.

"Why'd you kill them?" I ask, coming up to Hux.

"Why not?" Caleb says.

"Because when the others return they'll be suspicious now."

"Go detonate the bombs," Hux says to Caleb. "And hurry."

Caleb punches the passcode into the keypad at the side of the door with his gloved fingers then the door opens. He gives Hux a salute then runs in.

Hux removes his helmet and wipes at his face. His cheeks are flushed and he's breathing heavy.

"Hey!" The yell comes from our left and we all turn. Two Stormtroopers raise their blasters and Hux raises his.

"Stop!" I yell at the Stormtroopers hitting them with my Force powers. They go flying back. I hold them both down and walk over. Hux follows me. "Don't shoot them," he says. "Phasma and I can use their armor."\

The heat inside the Stormtrooper suit is unbearable in the current temperature. Phasma doesn't complain but I know her suit is more uncomfortable than mine, because it has a guy's breastplate not a girl's. Hux leads the way with Caleb and I'm not exactly sure what the plan is, other than shooting anyone we see.

The first guy we come across ignores us completely as he strings a wire trap of some sort from an opening in the ceiling above.

Caleb opens fire on the boy and he cries out. Caleb continues to shoot.

"Stop!" Phasma yells, grabbing his arm.

"Save your gun fire," Hux says.

A group of five guys come running around the corner then stop when they see us. I don't raise my blaster. They look confused and are unarmed.

"Jason!" one of them shouts, rushing over to the boy on the ground. Caleb fires at him as he approaches and the others looks startled. They turn to run but Hux shoots at them and Caleb joins in. The boys are dead in no time and once again Caleb continues to fire long after it's necessary.

"Hux, Phasma, Ren and Caleb." The voice comes into my headset. I turn to Phasma. "This is Commander Klein." We all freeze. "Snoke wants to see you in the gathering space, now!"

I remove my helmet and so do Hux and Phasma. Hux curses and Phasma throws her helmet down. Caleb removes his as well and he has a smile on his face that makes me want to smack him.

"Where are we sleeping tonight?" he says. "We should store these blasters before going to Snoke."

Is he stupid? "We might not need them after seeing Snoke," I say.

"Why not?"

"We should take them to Snoke," I continue. "He'll ask for them."

"Ren's right," Phasma says, starting to remove her Stormtrooper armor. I do the same, pulling the arm pieces off.

"Maybe he won't think to ask," Caleb says.

"Caleb's right, we should store the blasters," Hux says.

"He's not right." I stop removing my armor and stand in front of Hux.

Phasma steps between us and gives us a gentle push in opposite directions. "Come on, Snoke's waiting and he doesn't like to wait."

Phasma's done removing her armor and she picks up a blaster. "We can't leave these here for others to take. We'll take them with us."

Hux runs his hand through his hair. I know how important the First Order is to him and I can see he's worried. Could we get disqualified for breaking the rules?

"I'll take the blame," I say to Hux, but his mind seems elsewhere and he's ignoring me, again.


	35. Betrayed

"I made the rules very clear," Snoke says, looking down on us from his seat high above, behind a glass viewing window. No one answers and my pulse pounds in my ears. If we get disqualified I'll kill Caleb, right here in this room.

"There are twenty-four players left," Caleb says. "So we technically won."

We all turn to him, this is news to us.

Snoke reaches his hand out and Caleb makes a choking sound. "Quiet," Snoke says. "I've changed the rules." He lowers his hand and Caleb starts breathing again. "I don't know you well, boy."

"It's Caleb, Sir."

Snoke narrows his eyes. "Is it? Then Caleb, I've decided not to disqualify all of you, just one of you. Tell me, who do you think I should disqualify?" Snoke asks.

"Ren," Caleb replies immediately.

"And you, Ren?" Snoke turns his eyes to me. "Who do you think we should disqualify?"

"Caleb," I say.

Snoke nods slowly then sits back in his seat. "Phasma, what about you? Tell me who I should disqualify."

Phasma hesitates. Does she really have to think about that answer, even for a second?

"Hux," Phasma says.

Hux and I gasp. Phasma has an angry expression on her face as she looks at Snoke, ignoring us.

"And you, Brendol? Who do you say I should disqualify?"

"Any of these three but me, Your Supreme Leadership," Hux says.

Snoke clasps his hands together, watching us. "Very well," he finally says. "Go and finish the Game. I've decided only fifteen are needed. If there are more than fifteen left before the end of the night then the count goes down to five for the Game to end."

We don't respond.

"Go on," Snoke says.

Hux bows. "Yes, Your Supreme Leadership." He avoids looking at any of us and marches out of the room.

Phasma bows so low that I know she's being sarcastic. She then turns and runs out after Hux, not addressing Snoke in any way.

Caleb and I bow at the same time.

"Thank you, Your Supreme Lead-" I start to say.

"You are ever wise, my Lord," Caleb interrupts. I turn and run after Hux and Phasma.\

"Hux, would you just wait!" Phasma calls down the hallway. I run to catch up to them but Hux is already in the elevator at the end of the hall. The doors close before Phasma can reach them. I grab hold of the elevator doors with the Force before they're fully shut and open them again.

Hux crosses his arms and does not look pleased.

"Leave me alone Ren," he says to me. Is he mad at me too?

"He was playing games with us," Phasma says. Caleb arrives and I step into the elevator with Hux and Phasma, then quickly close the doors and hold them shut.

"Hey!" I hear Caleb call from the other side.

"Phasma, what were you doing?" I say. "Turning against us? Why didn't you vote out Caleb?"

"Because," she growls. "Snoke was just testing us. If we all voted out Caleb he'd know we were a team, or that we're working together. And he'd kick one of us out. And I couldn't vote you out Ren, because Caleb already did and two votes for you might have proved you guilty and you'd have been kicked out."

"They why didn't you vote yourself out, instead of me or Hux?" I say.

"The same reason you didn't vote yourself out," Phasma says. "Because then I'd be out for sure. If there's one thing Snoke hates more than attachments, it's someone not believing in their own abilities."

Hux doesn't say anything.

"Hux?" Phasma stands in front of him but he refuses to look at her. "You know what?" she throws up her hands. "Let me the hell out of this elevator Ren, it's too stuffy."

I open the doors and Caleb is still standing there, wide-eyed. Phasma pushes him aside and storms past. He loses his balance and topples into the wall, catching his footing.

"Phasma!" I call out. I don't want her out in the Games alone, because I know Aiden's team is hunting singles today, but I also don't want to leave Hux with Caleb. I don't trust him. I step out of the elevator and Caleb steps in.

Hux holds the open button for me.

"Well catch up later," Caleb says, giving me a salute and stepping back from the doors. I don't move. Hux doesn't say anything. Caleb shifts on his feet. Then Hux lets go of the open button and the door closes.\

I wander the halls, expecting to be attacked at every turn. I don't know what's worse, my hunger, my hurt feelings or just not knowing what time it is or where the others are. Each hallway I turn into is empty and I'm reminded of my dream again. I shudder, despite the heat. I should have stepped into the elevator with Hux. But I was waiting for him to ask me to go with them. I don't know why. He was holding the button for me. But then what? I'd be following him and Caleb around, listening to all of Caleb's dumb ideas that Hux would think are brilliant? And be ignored? My mind fills with the images of the boys we killed today, Caleb shooting them over and over when they were already dead. And suddenly I know I made a big mistake in leaving Hux with him.

"Are you alone?"

I turn at the sound of the voice. It's Aiden, looking larger than I remembered him to be. Behind him are six or so other guys.

"Where's Hux?" This time the voice comes from the other end of the hall where five more other guys walk towards me. I'm trapped.

"How many people can you choke hold at once?" another one says as they move in on me. My stomach tightens and I try to think of what I should do next, but my mind seems blocked, with fear.

Aiden stops a few feet in front of me and crosses his arms.

"Give Hux a message for us," he says. "Tell him we didn't kill you because we wanted him to see you suffer and die in person." He nods his head to the boy beside him and they all circle around me. Then he takes out a large needle from his pocked and holds it up for me to see. It's one of the needles used by the medics, that push against your neck and give you a quick injection without an actual needle. The boys suddenly grab hold of me all at once from every side. My heart hammers in my chest. I struggle but they're stronger. I can't think of what to do. 'When you're afraid Ben...' Uncle Luke's words come to me, 'you can use this mantra.'

Aiden approaches me with the needle and I close my eyes. "When I am afraid I put my trust in the Force, the Force that is stronger than my fear," I chant. I focus on the life energy of all the boys around me, and of Aiden's. His heart is racing. He's afraid. I continue chanting.

I can't lift my arms but Aiden's mind is within reach of my Force powers. I can see his thoughts, because he doesn't know I'm looking and doesn't have his guard up. He's scared of my Force powers because he doesn't understand them. He thinks it's like magic, rather than a natural force that works with its surroundings. His biggest fear is of being cursed, with something called the Blind Man's Curse. His brother used to scare him with stories of it and talked of Jedi's casting spells, when he was little.

I stop chanting and open my eyes. "Every hand that is laid upon me," I say. "I will curse..." Aiden stops moving. "With Blind Man's Curse."

I focus my Force energies up to the overhead lights and make them explode. Shouts erupt around me and the hands release me. I continue popping the lights down the entire hall and the emergency lights too, along the bottom. Glass shatters and falls. I cover my head with my arms. There commotion all around and I don't stop until every light is out. Then I lower my hands and look around. There is only darkness and a small frame of light at the end of the long hallway. Glass lies in every direction and I stand in one spot, in my bare feet, surrounded by darkness.


	36. Wandering

_Hux..._ I call out, using the Force. I know he can only hear me if he's Force sensitive, but I try anyway. My dream about him being Force sensitive could have meant nothing, but I'm not sure what to do.

I set my palm against the warm metal of the hallway wall nearest to me and focus my Force energies. The ship isn't alive like the forest, but I reach out to it anyway, searching for life within it. I sense the warp core at the center of the ship, its energy strong and powerful. But there is something unbalanced with it and I don't understand what. The ship is mostly empty of life and I can't sense where Hux is exactly other than that he's still alive, and he's upset. There is movement in the left wing, Aiden's crew, and then some patrol Stormtroopers. The nearest life forms are two Stormtroopers in the hallway directly above me. They come closer and I stop them.

"This is Commander Klein," I say, directing my voice to their headsets. "There has been a disturbance in sector five, second level. All the lights are out. Go down and report back what has happened."

They start to move again, going back the way they came. I wait in the darkness, feeling unsettled as though something that I can't see will reach out and grab me from any side. I begin to repeat my mantra as I wait.

Suddenly the elevator doors at the end of the hall open and two Stormtroopers step out. Their boots crunch over the glass as they head down the hall in my direction.

"Hey!" I yell. They stop and raise their blasters. "Lower your blasters and come here."

They start to walk again. For some reason Stormtroopers are easy to manipulate with the Force.

"Clear the glass away from around your feet," I say to them once they get to me. They do as I say. Their blasters have reflectors that light up and help me to see them. Once they're done I say to the one at my left, "take off your boots and give them to me."

He sets his blaster down and takes off his boots, then hands them to me. I take them and quickly put them on my feet. "Stay here and don't move until someone comes to get you. Do not respond to anyone on your headsets."

I take a few steps, crunching on the glass. Then I run to the elevator.\

My boots thump along as I move through the dark halls, now lit with night time lighting. The sound makes me edgy, as though it's someone else making the footsteps behind me and not me. I glance over my shoulder but no one is there. My hunger and the heavy boots make my legs feel wobbly but I continue on. I started with Hux's new assigned quarters but no one answered the call button. Now I'm headed for Phasma's quarters, which is on a different level but in the same section.

When I reach the door I hit the call button. There is no answer so I hit the call button again. I imagine them all inside, ignoring me. I wait for a moment longer then walk away.

It's like I'm wandering the forest at night, on planet, but it's worse. I've got one place left to check, then I will wander for the night. It's too unsafe to sleep, or sit down in one place and risk falling asleep.

It takes me a while to get to my assigned quarters, which is in a completely different sector. When the elevator opens I hear voices. Then I see three figures halfway down the hall. I recognize Phasma's white tank top and Hux's bright red mop of hair. They're with Caleb and suddenly I feel replaced. But then I realize that they're sitting in front of my door, so they must be waiting for me.

Phasma sees me first and jumps up to her feet, then Hux turns around. He gets up too and runs down the hall. I clunk forward to meet him, but I can't go very fast in the boots. Hux's doesn't slow his stride until he collides with me and throws his arms around me in a hug, knocking the breath out of me. I stumble a few steps backwards but manage to stay upright.

"Ren," he says, squeezing me tight. I hug him back and close my eyes. The emergency lights at our feet pop and turn out, leaving us in the dark, while Phasma and Caleb still have light. Did I do that? Hux pulls away, looking down at the lights.

"I think I did that," I say, then realize that he could have also done it without knowing. I can still see him in the shadows of the hallway, his eyes shining, either with tiredness or tears, I can't tell.

"I thought..." he says, then swallows hard and doesn't continue. He bows his head. "I heard you call me, from... I don't know, I thought you were dead."

"You heard me?"

He nods. I want to hug him again but I'm not sure how to go about doing it. Phasma is still standing at the end of the hall, trying to see us, like she's worried something's wrong. But she doesn't come over. Caleb's back is turned to us and he ignores us. Phasma sits back down again.

I take Hux's hand and interlace our fingers. He heard me call to him. He is Force sensitive. But if my dream was an actual vision then I have to listen to what his grandfather told me and not tell him. I smile. He's like me...

"Well, if you're not dead," he says, lifting his head and looking at me. "Then give us your passcode for your room, so we can sleep there for the night instead of in the hall."

"Sure," I say.

Hux runs his thumb over mine absentmindedly, looking undecided about something. I wait.

"Okay," he finally says, stepping away from me and letting go of my hand. "You must be hungry. We have some food and water."

I nod and we walk to my room together.


	37. Do You Even Know What You Want?

"Tell me about the little girl," I whisper to Phasma in the dark. She's laying on the floor beside me and Caleb is somewhere farther off from us, also on the floor. My new room has no chairs for some reason and Hux won the toss-up for the bed.

"I will someday," Phasma whispers back, "but not tonight. I think we've already lost half our sleep time."

"Sorry."

"It's not you. I can't sleep anyway because of this heat. And I know the bombs in Aiden's base will go off soon."

I don't respond. I'd forgotten about the bombs.

"Do you think we'll feel it?" Phasma asks. "Or hear it?"

"I don't know," I say. "I hope not."

"I'm trying to sleep," Hux mumbles from the bed.

We lay in silence for a while, looking out the windows to the stars. Caleb shuffles around in his spot on the floor, then he gets up. I watch him in the shadows. He doesn't move for a while and just stands there. Goosebumps break out on my arms. Does he think I'm asleep? He starts to walk over to us slowly and my muscles tense. Then he passes by us and goes to the bed. When his back is to me I turn my head so I can see what he's doing. My heart speeds up. I want to stop him from climbing into the bed but I also want to see if Hux will stop him.

Caleb pulls the covers over them, despite the unbearable heat. I wait. The longer I wait the harder my heart pounds in my chest. Phasma nudges my shoulder. I glance at her and she turns on her side to face me. "Don't start a fight tonight," she whispers.

I let out a long silent sigh. The hum of the ship drones on. I don't understand why I'm jealous. It's not like Hux and I have a romantic relationship, and I'm not planning to start one, but I also don't want him to start one with anyone else, ever, for the rest of his life. I rub my face with my hands. This is so stupid. What's my problem?

"What the hell are you doing in my bed?" Hux yells, startling Phasma. She squeals as Caleb comes tumbling off the bed and rolls into her. Hux jumps out of the bed too and slams his fist against the wall, turning the lights on. The sudden blast of light pierces my eyes and Phasma groans in protest beside me.

I squint and see Caleb run away into the bathroom and the door closing behind him.

"I'm gonna kill him," Hux says.

"Hux, please," Phasma groans. "Just shut off the lights and turn on a lamp or something."

Hux turns off the lights and the room is bathed in darkness again.

"Ren?" he says.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to take the bed? I don't want it anymore."

"Uh... no thanks."

My eyes adjust to the dark and I get up. I want to ask Hux straight out about Caleb, so I'm not left wondering. I walk over to him.

I'm not sure how to ask so I just say, "you let Caleb climb into bed with you?"

"I thought it was _you_ ," Hux says. He's facing the windows and I can see his eyes as they search mine. "Would that bother you though, if I let Caleb stay with me for the night?"

"A bit."

Hux is quiet for a moment, looking out the window.

"You were looking at Phasma's breast," he says. "A lot."

"I can't help it-"

"Shut _up_ ," Phasma says from the floor.

Hux pulls me aside, away from Phasma. "When did you get taller than me?" he asks, looking me over. Then he frowns and looks past me to the window. "Do you even know what you want?"

"I think so," I say. "I want your attention."

"Well you've got it." Hux's eyes flash.

"And... I want it all to myself."

"That's kind of selfish."

"Do you even like Caleb?"

Hux shrugs. "It's kind of hard to _not_ enjoy being worshipped."

My chest tightens and I step back.

"Ren, I'm not interested in Caleb," Hux says, stepping forward. "He's kind of weird."

I shove my hands into my pockets. "You're right. I don't know what I want." I take a breath then continue. "But I won't stop you from having whatever you want."

Hux closes the distance between us. "You won't?" He glances at my lips and I push my hand against his chest to hold him back. His heart races beneath my palm.

"Ren, I don't know what I want either," he whispers, leaning in close, his breath near my neck. I shudder and reach out automatically, wrapping my arm around him and pulling him close.

"You guys stop," Phasma growls and we quickly move apart. "Caleb's watching you from the bathroom door and it's weirding me out."

The bathroom door slides closed with a swish.

"Can we lock him in there somehow, so we can have some privacy?" I say to Hux.

He smiles, looking down at the ground. "We should get some sleep." He looks over at Phasma. "And I like to keep my personal life personal."

"Yes, I'd like that too," Phasma says.

Hux walks over to her and lays down beside her. "Come on Ren," he says, patting the carpet on his other side. "Let's try and get some sleep."

I join them and lay onto my back beside Hux.

"Hux?"

"Yeah?"

"I just don't want you to take off one day," I say, not caring if Phasma hears me.

"Where would I go? Our futures are together." He sighs and takes my hand. "Is it because your mom abandoned you, that you think everyone else will too?"

"I don't know."

"Your dad left too, right?"

"Yeah."

"Mine did too."

Phasma groans. "A conversation for another time."

Hux rolls onto his side to whisper to me. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay," I say.

"Unless you come with me."

"Okay."

Hux turns on his back again, keeping hold of my hand, his thumb circling mine. I close my eyes and cover my face with my other arm, turning my head away so he won't see me cry.


	38. Only One True Attachment

I wake drenched in sweat, my arms and legs heavy with sleep. I sit up slowly and glance at the clock. 12:07. We slept in, a lot. Why did no one come to wake us?

My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth and I get up to grab one of the five water bottles left. Phasma and Hux are still sleeping and I want to take a shower. Then I remember that Caleb is in there. I knock lightly on the bathroom door and a moment later it slides open.

"Oh, it's you," Caleb says when he sees me.

"You'll be calling me Master soon enough," I say to him, taking another drink of my water.

"I'll never call you Master." Caleb tilts his chin down and looks up at me with menacing eyes.

"We'll see," I say. I push past him and walk into the washroom. "I'm going to have a shower, you can join me if you want."

Caleb gives me an angry glare, his face turning red. He's way too easy to irritate. I pull my shirt over my head and he leaves, the door sliding closed behind him.\

Hux steps out of the washroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair tousled every which way.

"Put some clothes on!" Phasma sighs dramatically and covers her face with a pillow.

"It's so hot in here, I thought I'd stay with no clothes on for a while," Hux says.

"No," Phasma and I say at the same time.

"Relax," Hux waves his hand at us and opens the water bottle he's holding. "I don't want to get back into the clothes I was wearing yesterday."

"You could trade with me," Phasma says, sitting up in the bed. "Otherwise I don't think you have a lot of options." Her tank top is damp with heat and drawing my attention again, but I quickly look away and stare at the wall, now that Hux is in the room with us. If there was an ancient Jedi mantra for getting one's mind off of breasts I'd be chanting it in double time.

"Where's Caleb?" Hux asks.

"He went to bring some more food or something," Phasma says. "Did you come out in your towel cuz you thought he'd be out here?"

"No." Hux curses and goes back into the washroom. Phasma grins and looks over at me. "He's so easy to tease."

I shake my head.

"What are you going to do with him, Ren?" Phasma says, her expression turning serious.

"What do you mean?"

"If he's Force sensitive he can only have one true romantic attachment for his whole existence, if he allows himself to have one, which I think he has."

"I... I don't understand, what?"

"I know he's Force sensitive. I know you called to him using the Force when we were separated, and he heard you."

My pulse races. "Does he know he is?"

"No, and I don't think he'd believe it anyway. But it's probably best if he doesn't know. He'd go crazy. I mean, he's so self-controlled... but if he realized he had that kind of power-"

"We can't tell him. You can't tell him. He can't know."

"Don't worry, I'm not in any hurry be Force manipulated into doing his bidding."

"What did you mean by 'Force sensitive people only having one true attachment'?"

"It's a myth but it has to be true. I can just tell, with the history we were taught, even your grandfather..." Phasma glances at me. "Well anyway, an attachment so strong, like the ones Force sensitive people can have, is dangerous. It always ends up in a lot of deaths and heartache."

"You think Hux is my one true attachment?"

"No. But _you_ might be _his_."

"But he's not mine?"

"No, I'm pretty sure the little girl Rita is."

"Rita?"

"The little girl you asked me about, that others saw you with all summer."

"But she's just little."

"For now. She'll grow up."

I think back to what I saw in Caleb's thoughts of me this summer. I looked really happy and so did she.

Phasma crosses her arms and frowns. "So you should really back off a bit and give Hux a break."

"I'm not-"

"You're going to confuse him, and make it harder for him."

The door to the bathroom opens and Hux steps out, dressed now. "Ready to go?" he says, running his hands through his hair.

"What about Caleb?" I ask.

"We can't sit here and get bombed or something," Hux says, grabbing a water bottle. He drinks it all down.

"Hey that's my water."

"Oh." Hux wipes his mouth and throws the bottle aside. "You can have mine."

"Holy Galaxies are we really down to five?" Phasma gasps.

"No, we've got like three water bottles left-"

"No." Phasma jumps off the bed. "I mean Snoke said if the numbers don't go down to fifteen by today then he'll bring them down to five left standing."

Hux and I don't respond.

"And," she continues. "If we don't get down to five by the end of today then..."

"He'll bring the number down to one," Hux finishes for her.

"How do you know?" I ask.

"It's what he would do," Hux says.

Phasma talks some more but I can't concentrate. The humming of the ship and the pulsating of the core reactor radiate through me and I know something is wrong, really wrong.

"Hey guys," I interrupt. "I think the core reactor is unstable and it's overheating, that's why it's so hot, not because of the environmental controls."

"How do you know?" Phasma asks.

"I can sense it... I can sense that our lives are in danger."

"We have to tell Snoke-"

"He's not here," I say, only now realizing it. "I don't sense him or any of the Stormtroopers. That's why we slept in this morning. They're all gone, evacuated. All but the final players. I don't know if it's part of the game but none of us will survive if we don't do something about the warp core."


	39. Hallucinations

"You okay Hux?" Phasma says behind me. I look back. Hux has fallen behind. He's usually up front, but now it's me who's leading. I stop walking down the narrow service corridor and wait for Hux to catch up. He wipes at his eyes.

"Is it the heat?" I ask him. We're almost at the Engineering wing where the warp core is. The heat is definitely coming from there and becoming more intense the closer we get.

"We need to get some water," Phasma says.

"We will, once we figure out what's wrong with the core."

Phasma nods and we continue on. The heat intensifies, making it hard to breathe. I reach the service door to the Engineering room. There's a keypad on the wall.

"Phasma..." I turn around but Phasma and Hux are not there. They've fallen behind and don't notice that I've reached the door. Phasma rubs Hux's back as though to comfort him. Something's wrong. I want to go talk to them, but I have to deal with the warp core, somehow, even though I know nothing about engineering or how I'll figure out the problem. But we can't just all die. I punch in the default passcode for door clearance and the indicator light turns green. The door swishes open and a heat blasts out from the room. I raise my hand to my face.

Once the first blast of heat from the door opening passes the temperature becomes more bearable and I step through the doors. The room opens up into a large area with a round open space at the center that drops down to the warp core. A banister surrounds the drop. I walk up to it and look down. The core pulsates with a blue light below, heat coming up from it. I wipe sweat off my forehead and look around the room. There are buttons and consoles and monitoring equipment everywhere. I have no idea where to start.

I jump back when I feel something touch my arm. I turn to see Phasma with a worried expression on her face.

"Come and see this," she yells over the loud hum of the warp core. I follow her to one of the control panels near the door. She shows me the monitor but I can't make any sense of it.

"The warp drive is on standby," Phasma continues. "It shouldn't even be on at all, we're not going anywhere. I think it's been on standby for days and that's why the core is overheating."

"Can you shut it down?" I ask.

"I don't have admin access."

"Who would?"

"Maybe Caleb?"

"Ren!" Hux yells, running to the banister. He jumps up on its edge and my stomach drops.

"Holy Galaxies!" Phasma runs to him and grabs his shirt before he falls over the edge into the warp core. I reach him a second later and grab him. He tries to push us off. "Phasma, Ren fell! We have to get down there!"

"I'm right here." I try to pull Hux back over to safety but he's fighting too hard.

"Let me go!" he yells.

"Hux, stop. I'm right here."

"Phasma, help me. We have to find him."

Phasma tries to turn his face so he'd look at me. "Ren's right here-"

"No! he fell! I saw him." Hux keeps struggling. "Please..."

"Phasma, help me," I say, clenching my jaw tight. She tries to unclamp Hux's fingers from the banister but can't seem to get his hands off of it.

"Stop!" Hux yells. "We have to get down there. There's a ladder-"

"Hux, I'm right here," I yell back. Then I remember that I can use my Force powers. I lock him in a Force hold and Phasma pries his fingers from the banister. We all fall back onto the ground.

"No..." Hux says, his face streaked with tears. I lift his chin so he'd look at me. His eyes are glazed over and his mind seems to be somewhere else. I put my hand onto his forehead.

"What's wrong with him?" Phasma asks.

I try to search his mind but his emotions are too overwhelmed and I can't get past them to read his thoughts. I let go of his forehead and free him of my Force hold too. Hux's shoulders collapse forward and he breathes heavily, covering his face with his hands.

"Hux, it's okay, everything's fine, I didn't fall," I try using my Force manipulation but it isn't registering. "Listen to me," I command, setting my hands onto his shoulders. "Ren didn't fall into the warp drive. He caught onto the ladder at the last second and climbed back out. You helped him up yourself. He's with you right now, he's talking to you. Look up."

Hux lowers his hands from his face. His breathing is slowing a bit. I lift his chin. "Look at me," I say. He does but doesn't seem to see me. "I think he's drugged," I say to Phasma, but I'm not sure if she can hear me. She says something in response but I don't hear her either, we're too close to the warp core. She motions to the control panel then gets up and goes over to it.

"Hux," I try again. "It's me... " I rest my forehead against his and focus. "The Force be with you Hux. Come on, fight against this."

"Ren?" Hux says.

"Yes?" I pull back and for a second he sees me and relaxes, then his eyes open wide and fill with fear again.

"No!" he cries out. I grab him before he can get up.

"Go to sleep Hux."

"No."

"Go to sleep!" I command with as much Force power as I can. "And don't wake up until I tell you to."

Hux closes his eyes and collapses into my arms.


	40. Shift

"I can't believe you carried him all the way here," Phasma says, fiddling with the bio-scanner above Hux's head. The sickbay is a lot cooler than the heat in Engineering near the warp core, but it's still hot enough to make me anxious about the warp core exploding.

"I wouldn't have made it without using my Force power." I look down at Hux. "What did he say to you in the hall before we went into Engineering?"

"His vital signs are stabilizing," Phasma says. Is she avoiding my question? "The white blood cell pills are keeping him alive, but I don't know how to get this out of his system. I found the chemical composition in the computer. Basically it causes hallucinations, specifically related to a person's fears. It's used in battle to confuse opponents and-"

"Phasma, before Hux almost jumped into the warp core, and you two were out in the hallway, what were you talking about?"

Phasma doesn't look at me as she answers. "He remembered everything that Snoke made him forget."

"How's that possible?"

"He was also a bit delusional, but I thought it was the heat. The effects of the drugs must have brought his memories back."

"How long until he's better?"

Phasma turns back to the monitor and scrolls through the touch screen. "I don't know, with the amount in his system it could..."

"What?"

"It could kill him if it's not removed from his bloodstream."

"Are you serious?"

"Caleb's a bastard."

"It was meant for me. Hux drank from my water bottle." I swallow hard.

"There's a chance the decontamination chamber might help get some of the toxins out of his system. But I don't know how to flush his blood and the other things a medic could do."

"Then we need a medic."

Phasma frowns.

"And we'll get one," I continue. "But first we'll do the decontamination chamber. And I'll try to get the admin password for the warp core." I let out a slow breath to calm myself.

Phasma nods, an angry expression on her face but her eyes are brimming with tears.

"Are we going to get through this?" she asks quietly, her voice shaking.

"Yes." I stand closer to her but don't touch her, somehow I just don't think she'd like to be comforted in that way. "I'll get Hux into the decontamination chamber," I say. "You can stay with him until he's done and I'll go find Caleb."

"Okay."

I pick up Hux, off the examination table, and carry him to the detox chamber at the other end of the room. The door slides open and I step inside. A bench runs along either side of the small room against the wall. I lay Hux down on one of the benches.

"He won't be happy later if he finds out we undressed him," I say.

"I'll do it," Phasma says. "He won't care if it's me. And I don't have to undress him all the way."

"Okay." I step aside to let Phasma take my place.

"Phasma?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to kill them all, as soon as I get the admin password. Then we'll get Hux some help. Okay?"

"Okay."

I turn to leave.

"Ren?"

"Yes?"

"I can see why Snoke picked you as the future leader."

I nod, but am not sure what to say.

"And..." Phasma reaches into her jacket pocket, Hux's jacket, that she's been wearing since we left my quarters this morning. "Here." She hands me her phaser pistol.

"No, you keep it," I say. "In case anyone comes in here. I'll lock the doors but I want you to have it on you."

"I can lock the decontamination chamber from inside and the door is blaster proof."

"I'd still feel better if you had it while I'm gone."

Phasma nods then pulls something else out of her pocket. It's a rock, the same one I found in my room back at the school. "You left this in the bathroom in your quarters yesterday. I think you should have it with you."

I take it and look down at it in my hand.

"Was it Rita's?"

"Yes."

I slip it into my pocket.

"I'm going to end this game," I say, then walk out.\

I let go of the ship's wall. They're in the Command Center, all of them, every life sign on board other than Phasma and Hux, all in one room. Perfect.

I run down the hall to the elevator. I don't have time to waste, they might leave before I get there and Hux needs help so I need to end this.

The hallways on deck two are wider and a window runs along one side. I see a large door halfway down the hall which I'm guessing is the Command Center. I don't stop to catch my breath but Force the doors open.

All heads turn to me. There are less in the room than I expected. Where are the rest? I see Caleb standing in front of a console, eyes wide with fear as he looks at me.

"Didn't expect to see me did you?" I say to him.

"Shoot him," Aiden says, standing at the head of the long command table. Two of the boys hold up Stormtrooper blasters and point them at me. I thrust out both my hands and pull the guns forward using the Force. They fly out of the boys' hands and through the air, flipping around to face the other way so I can grab them as they land in my hands. I open fire, shooting all of them but Caleb. He raises both hands in surrender.

"Please," he says. "I wasn't joining their side I was just-"

I throw the guns down hard and they land with a loud clatter onto the ground. Caleb jumps. I Force hold him and read his mind, there's no time for questions, just answers.

He just decoded the admin access to the computer for Aiden's team, only moment ago, and they were trying to find us using the ship's bio scanner to check for life signs on board. Aiden sent four of his team to sickbay just before I arrived, to go kills us. They have two guns and they're on their way right now. I get the admin access code information from Caleb's thoughts, then I grab one of the guns from the floor and shoot him.\

I hear the phaser blasts the moment the elevator door opens. It's coming from inside sickbay. I run to the doors which have blaster burn marks around the frame. Four boys are in the room facing the decontamination chamber door, two of them are shooting, the sound so loud that they don't hear me come in. I raise my gun and shoot, one, two, three in the back, before they even know what hit them. The fourth boy, a skinny brown-haired kid with dark eyes, crouches down, covering his head.

"Please, don't shoot," he begs. I stop. There's a calm inside of me now that I've never felt before, a shift, a new power, something that makes the life of these boys mean nothing to me at all.

I walk over to the boy who is still alive. He's shaking and doesn't look up. I kneel down and wait for him to stop cowering and raise his head. When he does I can tell right away that he's sick. I recognize him, Anthony or Andrew, from combat class, one of the smaller kids, who would always get paired up with me in fighting simulations since I'm the youngest. His eyes are bloodshot red now and have dark bags under them. "Are you sick?" I ask him.

"Yes, with Harvoth's fever. I took the pills but I'm not better yet."

I touch his forehead. He's feverish.

"I don't want to die," he says, his breathing laboured.

"Wouldn't it be better, to be free of your suffering?" I ask.

"No, please. I want to live."

He continues to shake and for a second I feel bad for him, but as quickly as the sympathy comes it's gone again, replaced by the strength that's growing inside of me, as though gathered from the boys I just killed. I could kill Anthony too, or not, it doesn't matter to me now. If he doesn't prove himself useful later, I'll just kill him then.

"There's medicine in the sickbay for your fever," I say, watching him.

He nods. "Thank you."

"You should take some right away," I tilt his chin up. "Is it Anthony?"

"Yes."

"Look at me."

He blinks, trying to focus on my face.

"You'll address me as Master, from now on," I say to him.

"Yes, Master."

"You're mine now, you understand?"

"Yes, Master."

"We've won and we're going to get help. Then, when you're all better you'll serve me." I let him go and he slumps forward. There's four of us left. The Games are finally over.


	41. And You Cared About The Bird?

"Supreme Leader Snoke would like to see you, Sir," a Stormtrooper says to me.

I look to the medic who is an alien species I don't recognize. He nods to me. "He'll be fine now."

"When will he be his normal self again?" I ask.

"Oh, any time. He just needs a bit more sleep. By wake hours he'll be feeling normal."

"Good." I turn to the Stormtrooper who addressed me. "Tell Supreme Leader I'll be right there."

"Yes, sir." He nods, then leaves.

"Have General Hux taken to the Captain's quarters to rest there for the night," I tell the elder medic.

"Of course," he nods to me, bowing slightly.

"And if Phasma returns let her know where he is."

"I will do that. And I also recommend you return for a full body scan yourself."

"Maybe in the morning," I say to the alien.

"Very well then. And, may I say, congratulations to you, our new young leader."

I don't respond but take one last look at Hux before leaving.\

"You've done well," Snoke says, turning his chair around to face me. We're in the briefing room, adjacent to the bridge.

"Thank you, Your Supreme Leadership," I say.

"I knew you would come out successful. And Brendol, how is he?"

"He's recovered. He'll be fine by morning."

Master Snoke nods slowly, watching me. "How does it feel, to be the leader?"

"It will feel even better after some sleep, Sir. And food."

"Of course." Snoke smiles. "I have a large army for Phamsa, which Brendol will oversee as the new General. Do you think he'll be glad to be appointed General?"

"Yes, I do, Sir."

"I do, too." Master Snoke smiles. "I sense a change in you. Have you felt it as well?"

"Yes, Your Supreme Leadership, I have."

"You're becoming a Sith Lord now, beginning with the students you have killed in order to win and in order to save those whom you care about. Your power is growing quickly."

"It is. I can feel it."

"Maybe then, this is a driving force for you that can be used to direct you to the dark side, as your grandfather was when he fought to save those whom he loved."

"I don't understand, Your Supreme Leadership."

"We never truly understand these things, do we?"

I don't know how to respond so I remain silent.

"You will now be called Kylo Ren, the young Sith Lord." Master Snoke raises his hand towards me. "I will give you my blessing."

I step closer to the desk and bow slightly. Snoke closes his eyes and I feel his presence in my mind, but I don't know what he's doing.

"You will need to sleep tonight," he says. "Don't stay awake."

"Yes, Your Supreme Leadership."

Snoke lets my mind go and I breathe again.

"Very well. Go and take your rest, you've earned it. And tomorrow you and Brendol report to me. We have a lot to discuss on the building of our new super weapon."

"And Phamsa?"

"She will have plenty to keep her busy, as the Captain of the Stormtrooper army."

I nod.

Master Snoke smiles and sits back in his seat. "I'm proud of you, Kylo Ren. And I know your grandfather would be too."

I bow and walk out of the room.\

"Ren!" Hux yells, waking from a nightmare and sitting up fast.

"It's okay," I say, sitting up too, beside him.

Hux turns to me and his shoulders relax. "I had a horrible dream," he says, his breathing slowing. He closes his eyes for a second and sighs deeply. I move his hair away from his forehead and he opens his eyes again. My heart clenches at the pained expression on his face. I don't know what I imagined it would be like to embrace the Dark Side and kill easily, without guilt, maybe I thought I'd no longer feel love or need or emotional pain. Except it's the opposite. The power moving inside of me makes me worry for Hux and Phasma even more, but also hate and anger for others comes more easily as well, and indifference to the deaths of those I don't care about.

"It was so real," Hux says. He's wearing his hospital shirt and pants, but he looks a lot healthier after his blood transfusion and the water they gave him to help with mild dehydration. "And I remember..." he continues, then stops suddenly to look around the room.

The captain's quarters are big, with three different sections. We're in the sleeping section with the large bed and soft blue sleep time lighting coming from the floor boards. A glass wall with water running down the inside, separates the sleep area from the next section, which is like a small dining area with a table and chairs. The Captain's quarters even has its very own food replicator.

"Where are we?" Hux asks.

"The Captain's quarters," I say.

"What happened?"

"We won the game. You got drugged, and... I killed the rest of them, except for one."

Hux blinks as though stunned. "You killed them all?"

"Yes."

"You couldn't even remove the heart of a bird just a few weeks ago."

"It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, killing the rest of them on board. I didn't care about them."

"And you cared about the bird?"

"I..." A thought surfaces and I almost miss it. "I think the little girl, Rita, cared about the bird, and I cared about her." My head begins to hurt and I push the thoughts away. "You're the new General," I say to Hux. "We've got a whole crew. They're all older but they listen to everything I say and never question me. They call me sir and know exactly what they're doing-"

"Ren," Hux says. "I..." He runs his hands through is hair. "I'm..."

I wait for him to finish.

"Snoke was right," he finally says.

"About what?"

"You did it. I didn't believe you would, but you won the game." Hux throws himself back onto the bed. "I can't believe it's finally over."

"I'm still having a hard time relaxing," I lay back too, looking up at the ceiling.

"Am I really going to be the General of the First Order?"

"You _are_ the General."

"Then, I can't wait to get started."

"Good, because I've got lots for you to do."

Hux puts his hands behind his head and glances at me. "Does this mean I have to call you Master?"

"No," I say. "But I'm still your Master."

Hux gives me a lopsided grin, as though he's holding back a smile. "I guess you are. So do I get my own quarters, or am I your subordinate in the night time too?"

He's challenging me and I want to respond but a sudden wave of tiredness grips me, draining me of energy so fast I can't think of a good response. "I'll let you know tomorrow," I whisper before drift off to sleep.


	42. Remembering Rita

"Ren?" The tiny voice of a little girl wakes me from sleep. I look up at the rounded ceiling design of the Captain's quarters. Am I hearing things?

"Ren... Are you here?" the voice calls again.

I sit up quickly and look over to the other side of the bed. Hux isn't there. Throwing the blankets off of me I run to the door and punch in the code to unlock it. There's no one on the other side of the door, just the dim lighting of the hallway at night hours. My heart pounds hard, not wanting to settle down. Then I hear the sobbing of a little girl. I turn and see her standing at the end of the hall in the shadows. She's so small. Her shoulders shake as she cries and her hair hangs down in front of her tiny hands that cover her face. This must be Rita. But what is she doing on board?

I walk over to her, afraid for some reason. "Rita?" I whisper.

"Ren!" She reaches out her hands to me, her eyes full of tears. I lean down and she grabs me tight, pulling me to my knees. "I'm so scared. I don't know how I got here."

I wrap my arms around her and pull her close and suddenly there's a blazing light and I shut my eyes. The smell of the outdoors fills my lungs and I open my eyes again. The sun is bright and we're at the Academy chapel near the doors.

"Do you want to meet my grandpa?" Rita says. She's wearing a dress now. I remember the dress. I remember the pain of thinking she was missing. I look into her beautiful eyes, my heart flooding with love for her. I want to cry, I want to tell her I love her, but my response is automatic.

"The next time you go away," I say to her, "tell me first, so I know where you are." I lift her long hair away from her face with both hands and set it behind her ears. Chanting from inside the chapel echoes off the stone walls.

"Am I your attachment now?" Rita says, looking at me with bright eyes.

I smile and let go of her cheeks. "You're a smart girl Rita."

"I know."

She pushes me and I fall back from my kneeling position onto the ground, only it's not stone but grass, grass everywhere. We're in the large field, between the school buildings and the forest. Rita tumbles into the grass beside me and begins to hum a tune.

"What are you singing?" I ask.

"Something my mom used to sing to me. Want me to teach it to you? It goes like this. ' _Let the sun shine in, face it with a grin. Smilers never lose, and frowners never win'._ "

I laugh.

"What's funny?" Rita asks, looking at me.

"Your song is."

"Why?"

"Sith Lords don't smile. And they always win."

"They smile." Rita sits up. "They have evil smiles like this."

She tries to give me an evil smile, tilting her chin down and narrowing her eyes at me. I push her forehead playfully and she falls back onto the grass.

"Can I read your mind?" I ask her

"Okay," Rita says.

I lift her into my lap and rest my hand on her forehead. She feels really safe in my arms and completely content when I'm holding her. She's thinking about her Rock and how he's going to be lonely if she doesn't get back to her room soon.

"You love Mr. Rock a lot don't you?" I say.

"Yes," she says softly.

"You shouldn't, because it's an attachment."

"What's an attachment?"

"When you love something too much."

"Why shouldn't I love something too much?"

"Because," I say. "If you lose it you'll be too sad."

"I want to keep Mr. Rock, forever."

I look into Rita's mind again. Her greatest fear is that she'll never see her parents again. She's afraid to be left with Oktar, a partner with her dad's trading business. Her images of him are scary and he makes her feel uncomfortable and nauseous.

"Rita?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you scared of Oktar?"

"He yells at me and makes me clean robot parts," she says with a sleepy voice, "in green water that makes my hands turn red and it hurts. And he..."

"And he what?"

Rita doesn't answer.

My heart clenches in my chest and I can't breathe.

"I don't want to go back to Jakku!" she cries.

I'm on my knees now in the cargo ship office, the smell of fuel and equipment bringing all the memories back full force.

"I want to stay here with you!" Rita sobs. "Don't let them take me."

"Rita," I say, my heart racing. "I love you. I love you so much." I pull back from our hug and look into her big hazel eyes. "When I'm ruler over the Galaxies I'll come find you and we'll rule together. I promise. And you'll be my little sister forever, or we can get married when you're older, whatever you want. Just don't forget about me."

Rita shuts her eyes tight and sobs, tears pouring down her face. "You'll... you'll forget... about me."

"No," I grasp her arms. "I won't. At night, when you're lonely think of the ocean. That's how much I love you."

Rita nods her head, taking quick short breaths. Suddenly she's being pulled from my arms.

"No!" she screams, her cry piercing my heart like a knife. Rita's sobbing turns to whimpering and she gives up the fight as she taken from me. I can't breathe, or move. The pain is unbearable. It throbs on, unceasing.

"Rita!" I wake screaming in the dim light of my new large bedroom. "No..." I look around. Hux curses and sits up.

"Ren," he clutches his chest. "That's a terrible way to wake someone."

"No... I can't be here. I need to see Rita. I told her I'd go back for her."

"Wait... slow down," Hux grabs me by the shoulders. "Rita's got a family and parents. She's home on Jakku."

"No... something's wrong. I can sense it. Somethings wrong with her. I need to go. We need to go... _now_."


	43. Space Pirates

"Her family was taken by space pirates from Jakku," Snoke says, leaning forward on the smooth table and clasping his hands together.

"Space Pirates?" My stomach drops. Rita would lose all her identity if she's sold as a slave by the pirates, then I'll never find her.

"Yes, they took many families from Jakku, including hers."

"Then we'll hunt the pirates down," I say.

"Ren." Snoke sits up straighter in his chair. My heart pounds. Is he going to tell me I can't use the First Order resources to chase after these pirates? That we have more important matters to attend to? "This is your army now," he says. "If you want to take the First Order to war against a fleet of pirates then do. But you will need some additional resources." He gets up from his seat and takes his cane. "Get your Commanding Officer, General Hux, to acquire additional fleet, from our nearest base. The Skandrei Bandits have been around for a very long time and I believe they've joined together with another pirate group to form a considerable opposition for you."

"All I want is the girl."

"Then that is what they will try and keep from you," Snoke says, leaning heavily on his cane.

"Then I'll destroy them all until I get what I want."

Snoke nods. "They aren't of any benefit to the Galaxy. And if you feel they aren't of benefit to you, then destroy them. Everything is for our use, for your use, to keep order in the Galaxy, or else it is expendable."

"They are of no use to me, Your Leadership. They're no better than my father."

Snoke smiles then shuffles over to a keycoded safe box up on the wall. "I know you are restless to get started in this, your first act of righting the wrongs of the Galaxy, retrieving slaves and killing space pirates. It's a good mission for the First Order to begin with. But we do need more weapons and troops and power. We need to get working on our super weapon and I have plans to get the Galaxy under our rule."

"Yes, Your Leadership," I say, anxious to get going.

Snoke enters the keycode and the safe box opens. He reaches inside. "Many feared your grandfather. His name still brings nightmares to children and is revered among even the darkest of Sith Lords." He pulls out a new black mask and my breath catches. It is like my grandfather's, but different. "And now, you will follow in his footsteps. You are Kylo Ren, grandson of the great Darth Vader. You must stand before your enemies and instill fear into their hearts, as well as respect into those who follow you." He hands me the mask. "It matters not that you are young, it is only your power and your name, that matter."

I take the mask carefully, my chest filling with emotion. The door call button sounds and Snoke smiles.

"Come in General," he says. I turn to see Hux step into the briefing room. He's wearing a black General's uniform with the First Order insignia on the upper arm and stripes on one sleeve. He has black gloves, boots and belt and his hair is combed back in a clean-cut way. He bows slightly to Snoke then glances at me, the hint of a grin on his face. He gives me a wink then returns to his serious expression.

"Nice to have you join us, General Hux," Snoke says.

"Your Supreme Leadership," Hux says. "The fleet is awaiting orders."

"Don't look at me General, Kylo Ren has a new mission for the First Order and I imagine you will need to ready your fleet and Phasma ready the troops, right away."

Hux turns to me, giving me a slight bow. "Kylo Ren," he says.

"General," I say in return.

"A new uniform has arrived for you." He glances at the helmet in my hand. "Are we going to war... Sir?"

"Yes. But first we need reinforcements. How many troops and fighter planes can you assemble in a short time?"

"A lot," Hux says, a smile forming on his face.

I turn to Snoke and give him a hurried bow. "Thank you, Your Supreme Leadership," I say then walk out of the room.\

"I am Kylo Ren, Leader of the First Order," I say to the Pirate Leader on screen, my voice sounding metallic through my mask. Hux is beside me on the bridge as my newly appointed First Officer as well as Fleet Command Officer.

"We haven't heard of the First Order," the large Pirate with massive square shoulders snarls down at us. I don't care about him and I know we have more fire power than they do.

"We're looking for a girl, taken from Jakku with her parents."

"Jakku…" The pirate says. "We plundered some loot in Jakku. What's it to you? We submit to no authority but our own and answer to no one. The Galaxy does not have a ruling order."

"Do you know where the families from Jakku were taken?" I say.

"The slaves are not with this fleet. Those carrying them have left to go trade them, in other Galaxies."

"Where have they gone?"

"I have no reason to tell you."

"Sir," Lieutenant Jaylon says. He's an intelligent looking man with grey hair and hard facial features. "We can trace the warp signature of the disbanded fleet."

"End transmission," I say to the Communications Officer. She quickly ends the link.

"Lieutenant Lucas, raise defensive shields."

"Yes, Sir."

"Ready the Dual Cannons and fire at will," I say to the Operations Officer, whose name I now forget. He nods and starts pushing buttons. "Destroy them all." I turn and walk out of the bridge, Hux follows close behind.

"Have the ship and the fleet follow the warp signature once the pirate fleet is destroyed," I say to him as he steps into stride alongside me. He reaches out his hand to stop me from walking.

"Ren," he says, setting his hand on my chest. "I had Lieutenant Carle scan for life forms aboard all the ships in this pirate fleet while you were on the Comm System with the Pirate leader."

I freeze. Could they have been lying about Rita not being with them?

"There were no young life forms on board… but Ren," Hux looks me in the eyes. "You can't trust what a pirate says, and you need to slow down."

I push his hand away from my chest, ready for a fight, but then stop. He's right, and there's no one around to see him speaking to me so defiantly, otherwise I'd have to do something about it, to keep the respect of my crew. But right now it's just us.

"Get the fleet on the trail of that warp signature," I say to him. The ship shakes, startling us both. Hux frowns.

"They're firing back," he says, then hurries away to return to the bridge.


	44. An Hour Seems Too Long

I watch the battle from the observation deck, instead of the bridge. I want to give Hux a chance to prove himself as the Fleet Commander instead of me calling all the shots. He knows more about battle than I do anyway. Phasma's out there too, fighting on the front lines. I haven't heard from her lately so it makes me worry a little.

Explosions light up the darkness outside the observation windows as the Skandrei ships are destroyed, one after another. Now the Galaxy will have one less space gang to worry about. The bright colours fade and the excitement dies down. I wait a moment. Is it over?

I walk over to the nearest Comm unit and press the button. "General Hux, report."

"The Skandrei ships have been destroyed. We are now setting a new course to follow the warp signature of the disbanded fleet as you commanded," Hux replies through the speaker.

"Meet me in the briefing room with the other officers," I say.

"Yes, Sir."\

"How soon until we reach them?" I ask the chief tactical officer, Lucas.

"About two hours, Sir," he replies. The officers are all seated around the command table in the briefing room but I prefer to stand and pace the room, walking around them.

"Can we go any faster?" I ask.

Lucas hesitates before answering. "We could, Sir, but the fighter planes and some of the battle cruisers wouldn't be able to match that speed and we'd arrive without them."

"Then we'll have a conversation with the last of the Skandrei, before we destroy them."

Lucas frowns. "Yes, Sir."

"General Hux, what's your report?" I stop walking to look down at Hux.

He blinks and seems to gather his thoughts for a second. "The Skandrei ships we attacked were destroyed but we lost 18 fighter pilots and there's been damage to two of the battle cruisers as well as to the hull plating on Deck seven and nine."

"Will the battle cruisers still be usable for a battle?"

"Yes, Sir, and we should have enough ammunition to defeat the smaller disbanded fleet of Skandrei without stopping at a nearby base for reinforcements."

"Sir," Lieutenant Jaylon says. "We could approach the Skandrei traders under the guise of wanting to make a trade for the slaves you require, then once we've acquired what we want, we can destroy them."

I nod. "Do you know where the Skandrei are now?"

"Yes, Sir. They are in the Mandalore System on the trading planet of Gargon."

I stop pacing and cross my arms. "Then we'll go to Gargon, and make a trade for the slaves." I look around the room. "You are all dismissed," I say, then turn to Hux. "Commander, report to my ready room."\

"An hour seems too long," I say, setting my helmet down on the glass table in front of me. The mask has its own ventilation and doesn't get hot like the Stormtrooper masks do. Only a small handful of the crew have seen me now without my mask on and I want to keep it that way. I run my fingers through my hair and sit down on a bench-like seat.

Hux sits down beside me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "We'll get there in time."

I sigh. "Now I wish I'd paid better attention in class, you know?" I look over at Hux. "I'm scared I'm going to call someone Lieutenant when they're a Commanding Officer, or say one of the technical terms wrong. Do we even have dual cannons?"

Hux smiles. "Well, they're Dual Plasma Cannons."

I groan and Hux laughs. "It's fine. And I'm just bugging you."

My muscles relax at the sound of Hux's laugh. He seems less uptight now that we're alone.

"You know I can't treat you as an equal, when the other crew is round, right?" I say.

"I know."

I stand up again and begin pacing the room. "We've only got one hour, maybe I should call another meeting to discuss exactly how we're going to follow through on this plan."

"I think they've got it figure out," Hux says, watching me pace. "They're a competent crew."

I continue pacing. How fast does the trading happen on these types of planets? Will Rita have been sold by the time we get there?

"Ren?" Hux says.

"Yes?"

"Are you listening?"

"What?" I look down at my hand and realize that I'm holding Rita's rock, Mr. Rock. I don't even remember taking it out of my pocket.

"Is she going to live on board with us?" Hux asks, glancing at the rock.

I put it back into my pocket. Rita was so worried about Mr. Rock going missing, how much more upset would she be about all those who died in the battle we had only moments ago?

"She'll go back to Jakku," I say, "with her parents."

"And if they're dead?"

"Contact Engineering and see if the warp drive can go faster."

"It can't-"

"That's an order," I growl. Hux stands up, squaring his shoulders, but doesn't respond.

"Did you hear me?" I say.

He nods, frowning, then turns to walk out of the room.

"Hux!" I yell after him.

He stops, but keeps his back turned to me.

"Don't forget who's in charge."

He starts walking again and exits through the doors.\

I set Grandfather's helmet onto the night stand in my room. It was delivered to me from the Academy and I know Phasma and Hux also had things delivered to them. I can't imagine what Hux had them bring for him, from the school. He's not one for material attachments.

I remove my helmet and sit it beside Grandfather's.

"I know your wife, Padame, died, after Mom and Uncle Luke were born. She lost the will to live, they say. But I won't let that happen to Rita. I'm a Sith Lord now, like you were, even when they said you were too young to be a Master on the Jedi council, you became so much more powerful than any of them. I'll follow in your footsteps. I have the power now, to save Rita, and to bring order to the Galaxy. I will finish what you started."


	45. Searching

Omgosh I'm so sorry about the formatting code problem, here's the chapter again...

* * *

The trading market on Gargon is hectic with activity, even in the night hours, endless rows of trading booths line the lower streets of Gargon's major city. The pirates are already here, trading, and our battle cruisers haven't arrived yet. Hux has ordered them to stay out of sight at the outskirts of the Mandalore sector when they get here, so as not to alarm the rulers of Gargon.

Heads turn our way as we walk down the center of the narrow street, Hux at my side and the three officers behind us. Above the dusty trading lane, the lights of their sky city shine, the metal buildings gleaming in the moonlight. Their upper class citizens live above and their working class remain below. The planet is rich in resources and I'm glad Hux knows enough about the trading we do for metals, to have warned me in advance not to make any unnecessary trouble with the Mandalorians.

I stop and turn to Lucas who is behind me, looking down at his bioscanner. "Where are the Jakku families?"

"They're scattered throughout the trading market... But there's a concentration of them in that direction." He points and I step aside to let him lead the way. I don't recognize many of the alien species that are buying and selling in the market, and speaking different languages. They make way for us as we walk and I think some of them can sense that I'm a Sith Lord.

 _Rita..._ I try to call out to her but there's no response, no sense of her here. Is it because of the large crowd of diverse people? I hate the thought of her being here, in all this chaos, for sale as a child slave in a scummy place like this.

Lucas stops in front of a large cage with people in it, dressed in desert clothes.

"Interested in some slaves?" A large Crolute man says to us. I recognize him right away, from Rita's thoughts. It's Oktar, the junkboss Unkar's brother, from Jakku.

"Oktar," I say in a low voice. I reach for my red light saber, which Snoke gave me before leaving us to do this mission on our own. Hux grabs my arm to stop me.

"Where's the little girl Rita?" Hux says to Oktar.

"Do I know you Commander?" Oktar says.

"We want to trade for the girl from Jakku," I say. "You know her... personally, I'm told. A friend of the family, they say."

"He's not a friend," someone from the cage yells.

"Quiet!" Oktar turns and snaps a whip in the direction of the cage. The man who spoke moves back from the front bars. I reach out my hand and grab Oktar in a Force hold. He stiffens, his eyes widening in surprise.

I read his mind quickly, before we draw too much attention. He knew the Skandrei were coming to Jakku and he made deals with them, including selling Rita's parents. They're not here but were already sold and he doesn't' know who bought them or where they went, he only cared about taking the money. Rita was not taken from Jakku. He wanted to keep her for himself now that her parents are gone, for when he returns to Jakku so she can be his slave. He left her with his brother.

"You won't be returning to Jakku," I say to him. A few heads turn our way but they keep going. I hold Oktar in a choke hold, cutting off his air. He struggles to breathe and his face turns red.

"I would have enjoyed making you suffer more," I say to him. "But I don't have the time for scum like you."

Oktar's body spasms as he holds on to life for a few more seconds, then he drops to the ground, dead.\

"We've got affiliates in Jakku who have reported seeing the girl. She is living in an abandoned All Terrain Armored Transport vehicle near Niima Outpost and Unkar Plutt the junkboss of Jakku is taking care of her needs," Anthony says. He looks different now that he isn't sick anymore, all cleaned up and in uniform. He has proven himself very useful in information gathering and I'm glad I kept him alive.

"That will be all," I say to him.

"Yes, Master." He bows. He's the only one on board calling me Master, although I am a Sith Lord and am worthy of the title now. And I like hearing it.

"Anthony," I say to him through my mask. He stops. I move closer and he looks up, his expression turning fearful as I approach. I like sensing his fear too, it feeds my Force power somehow. "You're very obedient." I raise a gloved hand to his face. "And submissive too."

Anthony swallows hard and doesn't answer. I sense more fear, like an energy traveling through my hand to the rest of me. His fear will be useful to me.

"I'm reassigning you to different quarters, on Deck five," I say to him.

"M-may I ask why, Master?" Anthony stammers.

"I want you closer to my quarters." I watch as the fear in his eyes grows. He looks into my mask but I know he can't see my eyes.

"You're dismissed," I say, dropping my hand from his face and stepping back from him.

He bows and wipes sweat off his forehead. "Yes, Master," he says, then quickly leaves.


	46. That's Not Ren

The desert air is hot, even in the night hours, and my black Sith clothes are way too warm for Jakku. They cover every inch of me down to my fingertips, so that no part of me can be touched, something required for a Sith Lord. The ventilated mask, at least, keeps the air in the helmet cool for breathing.

I don't bother with introductions but go straight to reading Unkar's mind when we approach the junkboss counter. I reach my hand out and Unkar's eyes go wide like his brother's did when I killed him. Beads of sweat drip down his brow.

I search his thoughts. He's an unfair junkboss, like all those involved in trading, but he's not interested in Rita in any way other than possibly getting her to work for him when she's older. I see the AT-AT Walker where he left her, with some food and water. He doesn't care much about his brother and has taken all of his money and possessions now that he's dead. But he has enough of a heart to use a small amount of that money to feed Rita until she's old enough to work or scavenge for him.

I let him go and he falls forward, grabbing hold of the counter top in front of him. He gives me an angry glare and is smart enough not to say anything, but he snarls. He thinks I'm here to steal from him.

I turn to face Hux and the two Stormtroopers that came with us.

"I know where she is," I tell them. Hux nods and we walk away from Unkar's trade station.\

"You let him live," Hux says as we make our way to the AT-AT Walker in the near distance. It sits dark in the night time shadows, such a lonely sight that it makes my heart ache.

"He's not like his brother," I respond, my pulse speeding up. I can feel Rita's presence now, stronger than ever. It's like a fragrance from childhood that I'd forgotten but now am smelling again, taking me right back to a certain place and time, as though I never left. I'm suddenly where I was before I became the leader of the First Order, before I stepped into my destiny to fulfill my grandfather's Legacy, just a boy with no idea what he's doing.

We stop in front of the makeshift door in the foot of the AT-AT Walker. The Stormtroopers aren't with us, I don't want to alarm Rita unnecessarily. But it's so quiet we may end up startling her after all, if she's sleeping.

Suddenly the fabric curtain in front of the door flies open and a high pitched battle cry startles us. Hux jumps and I step back as Rita lunges forward with a large stick in her hand. She whacks it at my head and it bangs my helmet, the sound ringing in my ears.

"Rita..." I start to say, reaching out for her but she smacks my gloved hand hard. "Ow..." I retreat, fumbling for the release buttons on either side of my helmet to take it off. I was going to remove it but Rita surprised me. I should have taken it off sooner but I prefer the filtered air in the mask to the dust blowing over Jakku. Rita continues to smack at my hands, her little face angry, and I can't get the mask off. I grab her stick and pull it away. She screams and runs to Hux. He crouches down and she throws her arms around his neck, pulling him onto his knees. His startled expression quickly turns to confusion. He glances at me. I take my mask off and wipe the tears from my face.

"You're from the school," Rita says to Hux. "Help me, he's one of the evil aliens that took my parents away and he's going to take me away too."

"No..." Hux says, trying to pull her back from him but she won't let go. His hand hovers over her back as though he's not sure how to comfort her, or if he should. "It's just Ren, wearing a mask."

"Ren?" She lets Hux go and turns to me. I crouch down too, tucking my mask under my arm and reaching my hands out to her. Rita's eyes widen in fear and she buries her face into Hux's shoulder. "Tell him to take off the mask, it's scary."

My heart squeezes in my chest. I reach my hand out to read her mind. She's terrified. She doesn't see me, even with my mask off, she sees...

"He did take his mask off," Hux says to her. "It's Ren-"

"That's not Ren," she cries. "That's a monster."\

I stop slashing the control console with my light saber for a moment to catch my breath. Everyone has left the Bridge, getting out of the way of my anger. The image of Rita's terrified face won't leave my mind, or what I saw in her thoughts, what she was seeing when she looked at me. She saw what I've become, a dark Sith Lord, killing without mercy, feeding off the fear of those I intimidate. She saw who I am inside.

 _His name still brings nightmares to children_ , Snoke had said, about my grandfather.

"Ren?"

I turn to see Hux standing at the entrance to the Bridge. He glances around the room at all the damage I've done and frowns. "Snoke sent a message to have us return to Base to meet with him and give a report."

I retract my light saber and tuck it into my belt.

"Can I tell the crew they can return to the Bridge?" Hux asks, watching me carefully. He can't see my face through the mask and his expression is unsure.

My breathing slows and I look around the room at the burn marks on metal and open wires coming out of the consoles. I turn abruptly to Hux and he startles, standing straighter. I walk past him and storm off the Bridge.


	47. Can You Take Off Your Mask?

The stars pass by outside my window in the Captain's quarters as the ship speeds forward, each star another distance farther away from Rita. I hear my own breathing in my mask, in and out, it's my own world inside, the rest of the world is on the outside.

I sit up straighter on the edge of my bed and look down at my grandfather's mask that sits on the night table. The call button beeps and I ignore it. I know it's Hux. There's no one else that would be ringing my call button this far into sleep hours. The beep comes again. He'll give up eventually. I've got nothing to say. Rita's terrified of me. She sees the darkness inside of me, on the outside. She did mention once that her mother told her she had a gift for seeing people how they really are on the inside. I've never met someone so full of light as Rita, and my calling is to the Dark Side. Now my destiny is secure, because I will never love anyone else, so I'm ready to truly become a Sith Lord.

The call button rings again and this time I get up to open the door. I stand straight, preparing to face Hux and tell him I'm fine and don't need him questioning my emotional state. If I want to destroy the Bridge, then I will.

The door slides open and Anthony stands there, in his uniform. I sense his fear immediately as he looks into my mask. Again I'm glad that no one can see my facial expressions when I'm wearing it. Anthony's presence is unexpected. He bows slightly, stealing another quick glance at my mask before lowering his eyes. "I came to see if I could be of service to you, Master."

I don't reply. Is he offering himself to me? His fear, his heart pounding, his excitement, it all comes radiating from him, so strong, in a very different way than the devastating fear I felt in Rita, which only made me hurt. With Anthony it's intoxicating, as though he desires to be afraid and to give into it.

"What do you have to offer?" I ask him, curious.

"Anything, my lord," he bows again.

"That will be all, ensign." The command comes from behind Anthony and he turns in surprise. It's Hux, still in his commander's uniform, with an angry expression on his face. Anthony quickly bows a final time then walks away.

I cross my arms, blocking the door, as Hux approaches.

"You're feeling better?" he asks.

"You're not asleep."

"My night clothes and bags are still in your room."

I uncross my arms and step aside for Hux to enter.

"I don't trust him," Hux says as he passes by me. I stand near the door, keeping it open as I wait for Hux to get his things. He goes to the hidden cabinets in the wall and stops.

"She's going to be okay, you know," he says, turning to look at me. "She's a strong little girl. She attacked you, a Sith Lord, with a stick." He smiles a little. "I can see why you're so fond of her. She's got quite the spirit."

I focus on the sound of my breathing in my mask. I don't want to think about Rita. I've been trying so hard not to fall apart.

"Why are you still wearing your helmet?" Hux asks, as though he's just noticing now. He walks over to me and stands in front of me.

"I don't need to take it off," I say.

"What was Anthony doing here?"

"He's mine."

"Yours?"

"Everything is mine. I'm the ruler of the Galaxy. Everything is for my use, including you."

Hux frowns. "Can you take off your mask?"

"You can get your stuff and leave."

"Should I send Anthony back this way once I leave?" Hux growls.

"Yes," I say, even though I don't mean it. Hux presses his lips together tight and doesn't move away from in front of me, as though challenging me to a fight. He tries to look into the eyes of my mask, then gives up and reaches up to either side of my helmet to remove it.

"Don't," I say, stepping away.

"Ren, you have to sleep sometime."

"It doesn't' have to be tonight."

"We'll be arriving at the First Order Base in the day hours and Snoke has meetings for us to be in all day, about the new death star we're building. The Mandalorians are pulling out of their agreement to supply the raw materials for the death star, after we showed up with battle cruisers in their..." Hux stops and reaches up again to the release tabs on my mask. I don't stop him this time. The soft hiss of air rushing in from the outside fills the mask. I reach up too, putting my hands over Hux's, and we remove the mask together.

I blink at the brighter light in the room.

"Phasma's been asking to see you," Hux says, his eyes searching mine now. "I told her you were sleeping."

"Hux?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you have delivered here, from the Academy?"

Hux lets go of my helmet and looks off to the side, appearing annoyed, but I recognize that look and I know he's just embarrassed.

"Millicent," he says.

"What's that?"

Hux sighs and crosses his arms, his commander's uniform moving up in the shoulders as he does so. "She's a stray cat someone left behind on a visit to the school. I fed her once and then she was always at my window."

I smile, the pain in my chest easing a little. Then I frown again, a sudden tiredness washing over me. "Stay here tonight," I say to Hux. He raises his eyebrows slightly then gives me a questioning look. "That's an order," I add.

"Then I'm glad I actually want to stay."


	48. You and I

Hux raises my hand into the air towards the ceiling. We're lying on our backs, hands clasped, shoulders touching.

"All remaining systems will bow to the First Order!" Hux says in a mock commanding voice, then drops our hands between us onto the bed. "So, what do you think of my future speech?"

"I think... it will be great," I say, turning on my side to face Hux, keeping hold of his hand. The sheets feel cool on my bare arms, it's great to be free of all the layers of the Sith clothes and just be in a pair of night-hour bottoms. Hux is also out of his uniform and his hair is a little messed up now, no longer perfect.

"How do you stay so strong all the time?" I ask him. He looks to the ceiling and his smile fades.

"I have you here with me," he says softly. His face crumbles for a second as though he's going to cry but he quickly recovers, and I realize suddenly that he wears a mask too, one that he never takes off.

"Tell me about Millicent," I say, to change the subject.

Hux takes a deep breath then says, "she demands attention one minute then claws me the next minute when I try to pet her. She kind of reminds me of you."

I laugh, rolling onto my back again. "What did you remember? When you were drugged and your memories came back."

"Phasma told you about that?"

"She didn't tell me what you remembered, just that you remembered."

Hux sighs and doesn't answer. I close my eyes and rest, feeling light without my mask and clothes, and vulnerable, but safe beside Hux.

"I remembered us," Hux says softly. "Our childhood together at the Academy, me wanting to be you, the great grandson of the Dark Lord Darth Vader, then, later, just wanting to be... with you."

Hux goes quiet and I squeeze his hand, which is still in mine, warm and relaxed beside me. I open my eyes but don't say anything.

"I can feel it coming back again," Hux says.

"What?"

Hux lets go of my hand and wraps his arms around his face. His breathing becomes shaky and he turns his back to me, shifting onto his side. My chest tightens.

"Hux?"

He doesn't answer but I can tell by his breathing that he's crying.

"I can feel when people are scared," I say. "It feeds my Force power, sometimes." I swallow and blink back tears that are trying to escape. "Why are you scared?"

"I'm not," Hux grumbles.

"What are you scared of? I can feel it."

"We've had this conversation before, Ren."

"No we haven't."

"We have. You just don't remember."

"She'll always remember me as the scary monster that came to see her after her parents left," I say suddenly, the pain rising in my chest. "That was her biggest fear, that her parents would abandon her. And I didn't even try to find them, and now it's too late..."

I turn on my side too, away from Hux, and cry.

Sometime in the night I fall asleep then wake again to the day hours. No one has come to wake me and when I turn I'm relieved to see Hux still there beside me.

"Hux," I say, shaking him.

He wakes, looking angry before he even opens his eyes.

"Go away."

"Come on." I sit up and pull him into sitting position. He opens his eyes, looking groggy and with messy hair. I smile. He was right. Rita is tough and will make a life for herself. The pain in my chest doesn't want to go away and will probably always will be there, but at least I wasn't alone last night and I won't be alone in the meetings today.

Hux rubs his eyes then lays back down.

"We slept in you know," I say to him. "A lot."

He grins and closes his eyes again. "Just tell them we were putting together plans for the new death star that we're going to call Starkiller Base."

"Okay." I lay down close beside him and turn his face to me. He opens his eyes and quickly moves back, putting some space between us. I feel the same fear in him, returning.

"Ren-" he says.

I close the distance between us before he can object and press my lips against his. They're softer than I expected. I pull away and Hux lets out a small gasp.

"Now, are you awake?" I ask him. He looks stunned and doesn't answer.

I get up to go synthesize us some breakfast.

The call button beeps and Hux groans, covering his face with a pillow. I head back the other way to the door and turn on the monitor. It's Phasma, and she's not in uniform, but just her regular clothes. I unlock the door and it slides open.

"Ren," she says, looking me over. "Just getting up?"

"Yeah."

She steps in and gives me a big hug. "Feeling any better?"

"Yes," I say.

"Good, because I'm hungry and rumour has it that the Captain's quarters has its very own food replicator." She stops when she sees Hux on the bed with the pillow over his face. "Did you kill him?"

"No, he's just being lazy."

Phamsa walks past him to the back section of the quarters where the dining area is. "So is he going to be okay?" she whispers to me.

"Yeah, I think we're all going to be okay," I say, smiling at her.

"Me too," she smiles back. "Now what do you want me to make you for breakfast? I'm quite skilled with the food replicator, you know."

"Pancakes!" Hux yells in a muffled voice into his pillow. Phasma rolls her eyes and then gives me another quick hug. "I'm glad you're okay and that we're all together."

"Yeah," I say, pulling her back to me. "And I'm glad you're skilled with the food replicator, because I'm starving."

.

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THE END

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Well, this definitely ended differently than I expected it to! But Ren will see Rita again when they're both adults, when she's better known as 'Rey' in The Force Awakens and he's known as Kylo Ren ;)

If you want to keep in touch with me I have a facebook author page: www. facebook . c o m (backslash) biancarowena where I'll be sure to post things like new stories, upcoming stories, or a new book coming out if I publish a second one anytime soon. Thanks again to all those who read all the way through this fanfic!


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